A/N: I'm back lovelies! Ah it's good to be writing to my JJ/Reid shippers again. So I am on a four day hiatus from school and, as a consequence, have gone on a Criminal Minds marathon spree and this is the result. Feels a little rough to me so criticism and reviews are highly appreciated! Happy Reading!

"No one actually sees the afterlife."

- Derek Morgan

"I did," Spencer says softly. Derek turns his head towards him in shock. Rossi and Hotch both jerk their eyes upward, Dave in confusion, Aaron in apology. Emily winces slightly as she remembers that case and JJ's eyes, already on his face, grow extremely soft, concerned, and cloud just slightly as she too remembers the trauma of that night. "Before Tobias Henkel resuscitated me I had the exact same experience and I wasn't in an emergency room. I was in a shed," he explains carefully, feeling guilty for the terrified look in his favorite blue eyes, one he hasn't seen since he showed up at her old apartment with fresh syringe marks in his arm and tears on his face. Morgan crinkles his eyebrows and frowns.

"Reid, you never told me that," his friend objects, a quiet yet serious tone of voice that he uses very rarely. JJ bites her lip and looks down at her hands and Spencer recognizes the look of guilt on her face. It's the same one she'd been wearing when they'd found him and the same one that crosses her face whenever his scars or Dilaudid is mentioned.

"I'm a man of science and I-I didn't know how to deal with it. T-There's no quantifiable proof that God exists and yet in that moment I was faced with something I couldn't explain. I still can't," he admits quietly, stealing a look at JJ. The rims of her eyes are red and she's not trying to hide how they're roving his face. Even as Hotch, and then Emily, speak, her eyes don't leave him until she turns to speak to Prentiss.

"Once isn't enough?" she asks sarcastically, an exhausted edge to her voice. He feels bad, knowing that his retelling of that night brought this on her, but they don't have time to talk. Samantha Brown's SUV is reported missing and suddenly they're all on the move. He can hear the empty tone in his own voice as he reveals how Chase has been keeping his victims dead longer, but no one questions him and he's too tired to bring it up. When they exit the SUV and begin their sweep of the grounds, JJ finds him quickly, settling into her normal position by his side. She's standing closer than usual. They're maybe 20 feet away when Rossi's "on the dock" shouts catch their attention. She closes her eyes for a moment and he knows that she's afraid of what they may find. He's seen that look on her face before. They're a little behind Hotch and Emily when they all hear a boy's shout and abruptly change directions and meet their unsub trying to drown Evan Brown on the edge of the lake. Aaron and Emily both try to talk him down, but their relief is short lived as Chase uses Evan to throw himself backwards into the water.

"Reid! Help!" Prentiss yells as she rushes into the water. He follows closely behind, noting the concern in Hotch's eyes as he watches Emily. He doesn't hear JJ shout his name as he dives into the water, dragging Chase back to the shore and standing by, his hair dripping down his forehead, as Em gives CPR. He's the one who puts their unsub in handcuffs when he comes back to the world of the living and, for some reason, he can't bring himself to meet JJ's eyes as they hand him off to local police. Hotch looks defeated, which is unusual for a case that ended as well as this one did, when he leads them all back to the hotel and tells them to get some sleep, that they'll take off in the morning. He honestly tries to get some sleep in his room, but the darker it gets, the more awake he becomes and he finds himself wandering through the lobby at two in the morning. A familiar blonde head of hair catches his attention just outside of the front doors and he breathes in the cool night air as he opens them and makes his way to the edge of the rocks that look out over the lake. He wraps an arm around her waist, splaying his hand across her thinly clad, flat stomach, trying to remind himself of the gold band he can feel on his fingers as her hand covers his. She leans her head back onto his shoulder and sighs slightly, reaching for his other hand and dragging it up to match the first one. He leans down to brush his lips through her hair and stops near her ear.

"What's wrong JJ?" he murmurs softly, pressing his fingertips lightly into the skin on her stomach. She lets out a slight hum and tightens her grip around his hands.

"I just need someone to comfort me," she says quietly to the dark. He gently rubs her tummy.

"Call Will," he says, contradicting his actions as he presses her tighter against his body.

"You're the only one who really comforts me," she admits. There's a moment of silence before she speaks again. "Seeing you go into the water today freaked me out. I saw it happen on a computer, but I don't think I ever realized how close I came to losing you that day," she whispers, running a hand up his bare arm. He closes his eyes and clenches his jaw for a moment. "I still feel like all of it was my fault. I shouldn't have let you go out back by yourself." He pulls his hands away from her stomach and turns her around, gently holding her by her shoulders.

"JJ, that was my idea," he reminds her. Her hair looks silver in the moonlight and her big eyes are trained on his face. He skims his hands down her bare arms and encircles her left wrist, carefully pulling it up to face level. He gently traces the scar on her forearm, a dog's teeth forever marring her skin, and presses his lips to it, never breaking eye contact. "The way I remember it, you were hurt too." Her other hand grips onto the edge of his t-shirt and pulls him closer.

"But I didn't die." He opens his mouth to protest and she lays her hand over it, silencing him. "Spence can you just take me somewhere where I don't have to remember? Just for tonight?" she whispers, leaning her head onto his chest. He runs his hand through her hair and sighs softly.

"Alright, come on," he murmurs, interlacing their fingers. He makes a detour to his hotel room and grabs a blanket off of the chair next to his bed, feeling her eyes on him as she leans against the door frame. He wraps an arm around her shoulders as he leads her out of the hotel, off the grounds, to a little patch of dirt surrounded by trees. He spreads the blanket and stretches out, patting the space next to him. She snuggles into his side, her head on his chest, and looks up at the sky. He traces shapes of constellations with his finger, showing her how the stars align and she tells him about what it means to be a small town athlete (or an athlete at all for that matter because it's not a subject he's familiar with). She props herself up on her elbow and traces his face, smiling softly as she lets her fingertips trail down to the waistband of his pajama pants. "JJ," he protests quietly in a gravelly voice. She looks up at him and her smile vanishes as she leans closer and presses her lips to his neck. He arches involuntarily and sighs. He flips them carefully so that her hair fans out on the blanket and she's looking at him with wide eyes. He uses his forearms to keep his weight off of her and gently grips the back of her neck.

"Spence," she warns softly. She's telling him no, but her body language is not. She's pressed against him, almost willing him with her eyes, her hands pulling him closer instead of pushing him away. He gently presses a kiss to the corner of her mouth before rolling off and standing. He offers a hand to her and helps her up. The sky is lightening and he knows that Hotch will be waking everyone up soon. They make it back to their hotel rooms in time to be packed and ready when it's time for take-off. He dozes on the jet, replaying last night, just one of the many nights he'd helped comfort her after a case. Hotch tells them to go home when they land in Virginia and he wastes little time in saying goodbye and driving to his apartment. His "house" lacks less a female presence every day with a pair of her shoes in the corner and a touch of her decorating style on the walls and he sighs slightly as he throws his go bag in the laundry room and stretches out on his brown leather couch. A slight knock at the door pulls him out of the light slumber he'd been drifting in and out of all day and he runs a hand through his messy brown hair, wondering who's at the door. He opens it to reveal his favorite blonde, still clad in her pajamas from the night before, wringing her hands together as she waits for him. "He couldn't comfort me tonight," she says quietly. He steps back, allowing her into his home, one she's been to many times in the months since she's married Will. She turns in the doorway and places her hands on both sides of his face, leaning in and gently brushing her lips across his so that it's not quite a kiss, not quite meant for his cheek.

"JJ, we can't keep doing this," he finally says, catching her hands in his and staring into her ocean blue eyes.

"Just for tonight Spence, please," she pleads, leaning her head down against his chest. He wraps his arms around her and sighs.

"Alright, I'll be up in a minute." She smiles and pecks his cheek before bounding up the stairs, towards his bed where she'd been sleeping more often than not. He runs his hand through his hair, wondering why he can't tell her no, wondering what she tells Will about where she goes all the nights she leaves him, wondering if she'll ever leave him, and makes his way up the stairs. He pauses in the doorway, eyes roving over her bare torso as she pulls on one of his shirts. She has a variety of choices from a drawer that contains two weeks' worth of her work clothes, two weekends' worth of casual clothes (because any time that Will is out of town for work, she spends up to two weeks with him, sleeping in his bed and waking him with a kiss and breakfast in the morning), and many of his old dress shirts and ComiCon memorabilia that she sleeps in at least two nights out of the week. She disappears into the bathroom and he knows she's running the brush she brought months ago through her hair and taking off her makeup that has its own drawer in his bathroom. She yawns as she walks back out and slips under the covers. She turns and catches him looking, smiles, and pats the bed next to her. He crawls into bed with her, catching sight of the bedside table he'd bought last weekend, already filled with her knick knacks, alarm clock, and wedding ring that she takes off the second she walks through his threshold. She snuggles up next to him, laying her head on his chest and idly tracing patterns on it. He lies next to her and strokes her hair in the dark, closing his eyes as she drags herself up and kisses him, hard, clenching her hands in his hair. He responds, he always does, but pulls away as she begins to tug at his loose t-shirt. She frowns, but he kisses her cheek and reminds her that she hasn't gotten any sleep since the case closed. She pouts, but slides back down next to him and, for the first time, whispers I love you while she promises that this latest secret meeting is a secret just for tonight as she falls asleep.

"It's never just for tonight," he mumbles to the dark before closing his eyes and tightening his grip around her, not wanting her to leave as much as he wants her to go. He doesn't notice when she wakes in the middle of the night and slides out of bed and his embrace to walk to the trashcan in the bathroom corner. He won't notice until morning that she carries the ring with her and that the secret really is just for tonight this time because Spencer is the only one who's ever been able to comfort her.

"People like hurting each other…but loving is not a waste."

-Ai Yazawa