Kagome is an enigma. An enigma, wrapped in a thunderstorm, and obscured by sunshine. Miroku notices this early on into knowing her. The way she survives, the way she plays happily with the little kitsune that she clearly sees as a son, the way she commiserates with Sango, the way she always listens to anyone who needs a friendly ear to hear, the way she lends a shoulder to lean on without asking.
The burning sunlight she is obscured by is her happiness, her cheerful façade, the way she lifts everyone's spirits even when her own is lagging, drooping, bruised and battered by Inuyasha's cruelty.
The thunderstorm is the volatility of her emotions, the way she looks whenever he runs off to meet with Kikyō, the love and anger and pain coalescing about her form every time she looks at the hanyō member of their group. It is her serious thoughts when she sits by the fire at night, her anger whenever she "sits" Inuyasha, the way she feels both more relaxed and more stressed when she comes back to their time from a visit to her home.
The enigma is that she still has such strength and willpower, undaunted courage to face each coming day, how she never gives up. The way she is friendly to everyone, no matter what their species is, how she meets each day with a smile no matter how she is feeling inside.
Miroku resolves to be there for her whenever she needs a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on for herself.
Miroku finds himself watching her often, now. Something has changed, he isn't sure what, but she has actively been becoming closer to him, offering her wisdom and support, and now he watches. He listens. He sees.
He falls.
Inuyasha was particularly vicious to Kagome today, and as she walks away from camp in the middle of the night, he walks after her, settling in next to her on the edge of the cliff beyond the clearing of the forest that they are camping in. The first words out of her mouth are repetitions of the degrading lies that the hanyō he is beginning to resent spouted at her this afternoon, and Miroku is not about to have that.
He interrupts her before she can get very far, vehemently disagreeing with her words. Telling her his truths, the things he holds close to his heart, the reasons why he is so deeply in over his head with her. Pulling her body (warm, small, strong) against his and making her listen to him as he tells her she is beautiful, powerful, strong, worthy of so much more than she is receiving. Miroku has been careful to shed his mask around her when they are alone, and to never once tell her a lie when he speaks to her. After all, she lets him see past the sunlight obscuring her, and so he lets her see the things he normally keeps hidden in return for her trust, respect, and honesty. So his words pierce her, fill her, overpower her, and he is gratified beyond belief when she starts shaking, then sobbing. She heard; she listened.
She believes me.
It is all he can do not to kiss her tears away; but for all the pain he puts her through, Kagome still loves Inuyasha, even though, she has confided in him, she thinks it is beginning to dull. Kagome needs a friend right now, and so that is what Miroku will be for her. A friend who listens, speaks honestly, and respects her.
She deserves nothing less, and so much more.
Miroku's curiosity has gotten the better of him, and even though they are relatively close to camp, he wants to know why Kagome did not show him her object from the future this time. Dare I hope that she doesn't wish to have the same negations coming from me as she experienced from the others? It might be so.
So he asks. He sees her frown slightly at the honorific, and almost smiles, but keeps it at bay. Ah, so he is not the only one wishing to just drop the damnable thing permanently. He feels a sense of vindication at that; maybe one day they will be close enough to think the others' opinions don't matter any more, and they can go to hell if they don't like the closeness between Miroku and Kagome.
He listens as she explains what the device is, and is immediately intrigued and curious. Music has likely changed much, but he immediately understands the incomprehension of the others in their group at her fondness for her little music player; Inuyasha and Sango are too practical to realise how music can soothe the soul. So he asks again, this time for a demonstration. She fiddles around a bit adorably before giving in, telling him the song is called Moonlight Sonata, and soon sound fills his ears.
He has never heard this instrument before; but whatever it is, it is heart-wrenchingly stunning, he thinks, as melancholy and wonder and awe coalesce around his heart like a wave crashing onto a beach. It expresses how achingly precious each day feels to him; how the thoughts of his ever-widening kazaana fill his mind and make him cherish what he has even as he mourns what might possibly be the eventual loss of all these things, people, sights, that he holds dear. She feels this way when she listens to it. Kagome feels like this, and understands, and wished for me to have my heart strings pulled the way hers are pulled every time she listens to this piece of music.
It is the only explanation that makes sense.
Minutes in, he finds himself crying at the ache in his chest, this wonderful beauty pouring out from the small device into his ears. And when he feels her watching him, he opens his eyes and smiles at her, the most genuine smile he can ever recall giving to anybody, and tells her how beautiful this piece of music is.
She holds one of his hands, and soon the music changes; completely so, in a way that shocks him to his very core. Suddenly it is upbeat and like a folk dance, light and carefree like those moments when they sit around the fire chattering happily and eating a warm meal together. Wonder courses through him that one piece of music can be so firmly disparate in its sound, but he finds himself liking the gentle cheerfulness that follows the slow, desperate yearning of the beginning of this song. And then his heart begins to race as the music speeds up, hastens, becomes a driving chase exactly like the run they had found themselves in mere days ago when they were chasing a shard. The music suddenly exudes danger and haste and everything he feels in battle.
This song is like his life compressed into one single whole.
It even has the desperation he feels every time he uses his kazaana lacing through it in notes here and there, sharp little twists that make his heart burn.
And now the song becomes a victory hymn. A short burst of joy and triumph before the battle is done, and then the desperation of making sure everyone is alive and whole and tending wounds needing to be attended.
Then back to the chase – it is a never ending cycle in his life, and this song…
It is perfect.
He has so many things he wants to tell her when the music finally ends, so much he wants to express to her, but for once he can not find the words. So instead he simply thanks her for the wonderful gift she has given him.
Her blush is the most fetching thing he has seen all this past fortnight; only her shy smile surpasses it, and her welcome is the most beautiful thing he can ever hope for in that moment.
Inuyasha has left again and thus, so has Kagome. Miroku senses that something important is going on inside of the little miko who has become his reason for living, however, so unlike previous times, he waits for a while before he follows her path. She is easy to find, sitting on a flat rock outcropping over the onsen near their camping spot for the night. Miroku isn't sure if it is care for Kagome or self-preservation for his sense of smell that keeps the hanyō member of their little group finding camp sites near bodies of water every two or three days, but in either case he is grateful for it. He has never liked being dirty.
Easily and calmly, he settles in behind Kagome, his legs pressed against hers as they dangle over the edge of the outcropping and his chest presses against her back. His arms loop around her easily and he holds her as she cries. Her crying grows significantly more fierce once he is holding her, but Miroku considers that a good sign. She trusts him enough to be honest with him and with herself when she is around him; maybe not wholly so yet, but complete trust will come in time.
So he holds her, as her tears continue on and on, and when she finally calms down, he asks her why she had been crying so fiercely. It can't possibly be because Inuyasha has left to go to Kikyō yet again. Kagome has long since ceased feeling pain every time he left, something which gives Miroku hope that her bruised, battered heart will not be eternally broken by the hanyō's callous disregard for Kagome's emotional well-being.
Her answer does not surprise him as much as he had been expecting to be surprised when she finally tells him the reason for her tears and melancholy. He has expected, for ages now, that he would be filled with a sense of shock if she ever told him that her feelings for Inuyasha were fully no more; Kagome is persistent, and does not give up on things she wants very easily, so the news that she had given up, he had thought, would surprise him immensely.
Instead he is filled with a soft, still hope, and a deep, eternal gladness that her days of heartbreak are in the past now. He wonders if she is going to tell Inuyasha about this, and so, because he wonders, he asks. Her answer surprises and pleases him so much that he is not in full control of his body as he lifts his head from its place atop hers, turns her face towards him, and kisses her cheek, pride flowing through his voice as he tells her how proud he is of her.
Her gratitude warms his heart, as does the way she comfortably settles back into his embrace.
Naraku is dead. The kazaana is gone from his hand. It has been a sennight and whilst Miroku has always had every intention of continuing to travel with Kagome until her own duty was finished regardless, he is strangely pleased to find that Sango, Kirara, and Kohaku all wish to continue travelling with them. Kagome seems to be meditating on this when he sits in front of her, but the words that escape from her mouth are the last thing he has ever expected to hear from her lips.
Miroku is stunned. Not even the fond little smirk on Kagome's face as she watches his own face intently can break him free of the shock washing through him. It was too much to hope for – Miroku had fully been expecting for Kagome to go back to her own time when their journey was over, and had slowly prepared himself for the heartbreak that would follow her leaving. Instead, she intends on staying here.
All he can do is ask her why? Her family is in the future, her life of ease and comfort is in the future; so why is she planning to leave it all behind to stay in the Sengoku Jidai? Her answers, well, they do make sense. He feels like a fool for a moment, forgetting about Shippō; whom Kagome has adopted as her own. And Sango, of course, her heart-sister. He wonders what she will say about him – if she will say anything about him – and then…
Kagome had clearly not meant to say those last two words following her mention of him. His face is probably a picture right now, and he can feel a tremble beginning in his body. Most importantly. He… Miroku has somehow, miraculously, become her main reason for staying in the past. He has never expected her to return these feelings that he has harboured for so long, but clearly she does. She feels the same way about him as he does about her.
The monk can't do anything for long moments, trying to control his breathing, his body, his mind, but then his control breaks and he nearly yanks her into his lap, not caring that he is shaking with suppressed emotion – Kagome deserves all of him; weaknesses included. He will not hide any part of himself from her. Then he pulls her hands away from her face, bends down, and kisses her, pouring out all of his love, need, desire, longing, protectiveness, adoration; all of it leaves him and anchors itself into his kiss, telling her without words what he has no words to say yet. Soon, he will be able to speak, but not yet.
When he finally pulls away, he tells her that he loves her. It is all he needs to say. She already knows, from his kiss, that this is not some sudden bout of lust for the beautiful being she is. That this is deep, and true, and will last forever. When she responds in kind, Miroku finds that he has never been happier in his life.
I deserve her, and she deserves me. We have each other from now until we die.
It was all he could ever want.
