Title: The Secret's Out
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: S/X
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own none, all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: The girls want to know what Xander really did while stuck in Oxnard and they won't let up until he tells them.
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 4 No Anya or Tara.
Beta'd by: Unbeta'd
Note: I was hoping to post this a while ago but I ended up not like half of it and had to re-do it. LOL.
Spike was in hell. He was still being held captive in Xander's basement. When it was just him and Xander it was fine they were almost like roommates expect for the hostage part. Spike would even go as far as considering Xander a friend. Xander could be annoying but he kept Spike in blood and had cable. They also enjoyed the same genre of movies so every night they'd watch one. Xander even shared his popcorn.
What Spike hated was when Buffy and Willow came by for movie night. The basement was small and being in a confined space with a slayer was hell on Spike's senses. And when they did come over gone were the action and horror movies and in came the rom com trash.
"When are you getting rid of Spike?" Buffy asked annoyed that he continued to ruin their nights in.
"Whenever Giles gives me the go ahead. He also wants to know where Spike will be living," Xander explained placing bowls of chips on the table and a bowl of salt and vinegar chips on Spike's lap.
"Whatever," Buffy muttered and pulled out a DVD. "Anyways me and Willow picked up the movie for tonight!"
Spike and Xander groaned in unison. "What are you torturing us with tonight, girls?"
"As Good as it Gets," Willow answered. "And we're not torturing you! This movie won two Oscars!"
Xander rolled his eyes. "One of these days we're watching a slasher movie."
"Don't you get enough of that stuff in our everyday lives?"
"It's fun rooting for the villain in horror movies. Jason, Freddy, Michael. You know they will be stopped by the end of the movie but the movies always have characters you can't wait to see slaughtered!" Xander explained. He saw Spike nod in agreement even though Xander knew Spike cheered when every character died.
Buffy and Willow both looked disgusted. "That's so gross!" Buffy said.
"What do you want me to say? I like them. More than this garbage," Xander replied annoyed. Spike was the first person that actually enjoyed the same movies as him.
"Let's not argue," Willow said pulling out her big green eyes. "Can't we just have a nice night? We don't get to hang out as much anymore."
Both Buffy and Xander agreed and settled down after the DVD was popped in.
Two hours and nineteen minutes later the credits rolled and Xander jumped up happy that it was over! Spike actually fell asleep.
"That was so sweet!" Willow swooned. "Because of Melvin's love for Carol he was able to over come his OCD!"
"Love concurs all!" Buffy added. "This was so good!"
Xander rolled his eyes. "You can have a love story in an action and horror flick."
His comment was ignored and Buffy ended up making Xander's head spin. "Did you see all those dirty dishes? How many dishwashers do you think they had working in the restaurant?"
With a groan Xander knew exactly where this was going. For months both Buffy and Willow were trying to find out what else Xander did in Oxnard because there was no way he was able to get a decent used car from a few months of being a dishwasher on top of living in a motel and food. "Buffy, I told you no power on earth would make me tell."
"Come on, Xan. We're your best friends! We know everything about each other! You shouldn't be hiding things from us," Buffy stood firm. "Besides we know you worked in a strip club. It's kind of obvious that's what you did."
"I was not a stripper for the "Ladies Night" club," Xander told them for the hundredth time.
Willow leaned forward. "Than why won't you tell us?"
"Because it's embarrassing? Because I'm not actually proud of what I did? Because if my parents found out my dad would kill me. Take your pick." Xander's face was red from anger and mortification.
"We would never tell them. Come on Xan, it can't be that bad," Buffy urged. She knew she was being pushy but it drove her crazy that he was hiding something from her.
Xander's eyes shifted to Spike who was possibly still sleeping. "I didn't strip. One night I was playing waiter because Jeff called in sick. This guy named George was a regular, came in every night. It may have been called the 'Fabulous Ladies' club but they didn't discriminate. Anyway, one night he came up to me and asked why he never saw me on stage. I told him I'd been asked before but the place is always crowded and I didn't feel comfortable being naked in front of so many people even though the tips would be amazing."
Buffy and Willow nodded in understanding.
The blush never left Xander's face. "He told me there was a way for me to make more money without being naked in front of so many people." He paused.
The girls looked at each other, the "not being naked in front of so many people" caught their attention.
"George worked in the porn industry. He told me I had the right look for his newest film. Of course, I said no… at first. But he came back every night with a better and better offer. I finally agreed when he told me his brother owned a used car dealership and I could have my pick of a car on top of the money he offered. It was hard to refuse. So, on top of my day job I did his porn movie during the night. First time I had sex with a guy," Xander didn't mean to say the last part.
The colour drained from both Buffy and Willow's faces. And there was a look on both their faces that Xander knew he would see. Disgust.
"You had sex for money?" Buffy asked she tried to hide the repulsion but fail miserably.
"I was not a prostitute!" Xander said angrily. He said it louder than he meant to and woke up Spike. "I was an… actor. For one movie. When I finally came home I had enough to pay for my dad's insane rent while I looked for a job. My parents making me pay $400 a month for rent for this shithole wasn't really in my plans. And it's not easy finding a job that pays more than minimum wage when you're only eighteen. So, what I made over the summer is all but gone. Luckily I have a used car that actually works so I can keep my job delivering pizzas."
Willow looked disappointed. "I don't understand how you could do that, Xan. How is that better than stripping?"
"That's because your parents help you out when you need money. Yeah, your parents don't give you the time of day but at least they throw money your way. Do you really think my dad would have sent me a penny if I phoned him up? Offered to come pick me up so I could come home? We all know the answer is no. So, don't you dare judge me." Xander started pacing. "Was it a better idea than stripping? No, but at the time only about ten people saw my junk instead of a room full of people every night." He made his way to the door. "I think you both should leave."
"Xan, don't be like that. We're just concerned. Something like that can ruin someone's life," Buffy told him. "Especially gay porn. People are judgemental. Oh my God, Xander were you tested?!"
"As my two best friends have just proven. Get out." Xander had never felt this angry before. As they walked passed, he said, "and another reason I never told you before? The company went bankrupt before the movie could be released. No one outside the actors and production team will ever see it. And I know that I'm the 'stupid' one of our group but I know how to protect myself. But thank you for making this more embarrassing than it already was."
Willow went to give Xander a hug but he stopped her. "We didn't know. We just want you safe."
"But you wanted to. Neither of you two cared what I wanted. Well you got what you wanted. I expect no one else will find out about this, including Riley and any other new friends you've both made over the last couple months."
"We would never," Buffy replied hurt that Xander would think that. "I can't believe you'd think we would."
"And neither of you thought I'd ever do gay porn." Xander shrugged. "And since you're so interested in my summer vacation despite not enjoying being filmed, I did enjoy having sex with guys. It was fun and if I find another guy I'm attracted to and is attracted to me I'll have sex with him. Now good night."
The girls left speechless.
"You're going to forgive them," Spike said, startling Xander.
"Only if I get a real apology," Xander responded. "Once you're free are you going to blackmail me into keeping my dirty little secret?"
Spike snorted. "Since I enjoy gay porn, I don't see that as dirt. But if you want me to blackmail you I can. I'd love details of your experience." He wiggled his eyebrows.
"I've been embarrassed enough for one night, thank you very much." Xander did walk over to him though and untied him. He let Spike out of the chair when he knew it was just the two of them. The others would read him the riot act if they knew.
Spike jumped out of the chair and stretched, causing his shirt to ride up giving Xander a view of his pale, perfect skin. Xander would be crazy if said that Spike wasn't drop dead gorgeous… pun intended. With a shake of his head Xander walked into the kitchenette for a bottle of water. "You want some blood?"
"On tap?" Spike said joking. Mostly.
"Nice try," Xander replied, pulling a blood bag from the mini fridge.
Spike watched as Xander poured the blood into a mug and popped it in the microwave. "What was the title?"
Xander spun around. "What?"
"The name of the movie. What was it?" Spike asked honestly curious.
"Spike, I really don't want…"
Spike cut him off. "You don't have to. I'm just interested. Remember no judgement from me. It takes a lot for me to be disapproving about something."
"Oh… umm Rock Hard," Xander finally answered when he handed Spike his mug. "And let's leave it at that." He bent down and banged his head on the counter top. "All I want is a good job, a place of my own and someone to be with. Now I'm afraid no matter who I end up I'll be afraid if Buffy and Willow will feel 'obligated' to tell them what I did."
"You did nothing wrong. You did what you needed to do. Anyone who ends up with you and doesn't understand that isn't worth your time. And if you think there aren't people who find that interesting and erotic you are bonkers."
"In a small town like Sunnydale? I doubt it," Xander muttered. His self-confidence was at a low. "I didn't even tell them that over the summer I realized I was gay. How many people do you think are gay or even bisexual here? I knew one and the mayor crushed him at graduation. Not that he was available. His grandmother set him up with someone nice."
Spike placed a hand on Xander's and gave it a squeeze. "You'll find someone worthy of you." He hated seeing Xander feel so beaten down. His bloody friends didn't know what they did to his self-esteem. "You deserve to be happy."
Xander smiled. "Thank you. Do you know what would make me happy right now?"
"Would it be to eat the rest of the snacks while watching Friday the 13th: Jason Lives?" Spike asking knowing it was Xander's favourite Jason movie.
"You know me so well. You okay with that?" Xander asked.
Spike raised an eyebrow and asked, "have you ever seen me turn down the chance to watch murder and mayhem?" He finished off his blood before passing the mug back to Xander. "I'm not sitting on the chair though!"
"Only when people are over. If they found out that I actually enjoyed your company over most of theirs and treated you like a friend they'd probably send you back to Giles. You'd be stuck back in the tub and I'd have to watch horror movies alone again."
"We can't have you watching them by yourself, now can we?" Spike said sarcastically even though it felt good that he was wanted.
Xander popped in the DVD before plopping down next to Spike. "How about there is no one else I want to watch them with?"
"Better," Spike replied.
Halfway through the movie Xander started to doze off. His head rested again Spike's shoulder. The screaming of a girl on the movie didn't bother Xander. It had been a long day and all he wanted to do was sleep. Hopefully the girls would apologize without defending their 'concerns'.
Spike looked down at Xander. How could the girls make him feel horrible about what he had to do? No one should be ashamed of how they make a living. Spike was proud of Xander for doing what he needed to do. "Xander?" Spike whispered in case Xander was sleeping.
"Hmm?" Xander mumbled.
"Can I try something?" Spike asked, still whispering.
Xander's eyes remained closed. "As long as it doesn't involve you trying to bite me or leaving, sure."
Why would Spike want to bite or leave Xander? Without jostling Xander too much Spike managed to get him where his head rested on the back of the couch.
Xander moaned. "Not comfy."
"Just hold on for a minute and then you can sleep on my shoulder all you want." Spike ran his thumb over Xander's cheek.
"Kay," Xander replied his head rested against Spike's hand.
As gently as he could Spike pressed his lips against Xander's. When he pulled away Xander's eyes were open.
"That was nice," Xander replied before placing his head back on Spike's shoulder. "We should do that again. But longer… and tongue."
"Really?" Spike asked surprised. He wasn't sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from Xander but he wasn't staked so that was always a good sign.
Xander rubbed his head against Spike's shoulder which he took as a nod. He guessed that he would find out when Xander woke up. Hopefully this wasn't just a sleepy one-time thing. Spike felt like he could kiss Xander for the rest of his unlife if he was lucky enough. Only tomorrow would tell.
The End