Chapter 1: The End and the Beginning
Sirius rested his chin on his knees and blinked his eyes which were sore from unshed tears and sleepless night. Now it was morning already. From where he was crouched on the ground he could see the sun gilding the highest towers of Hogwarts castle while the rest of the school was still hidden in dark nightly shadows. An early ray of light had found its way through the boughs of the crooked trees, as well, and gently stroked his pale cheeks and shiny hair, but he quickly moved away from its caress, back to the shadows of the cave, back to where he belonged.
Last day and a half seemed like a blur to him. The silliest prank of his life. James shouting, Peter paling with horror. And the moon; the full moon so bright in the sky he didn't know where to hide his eyes. He had spilled his heart and then run. He had come to this cave here up in the mountains and he had sunk on the ground, afraid to think of what he had done, too frightened to want to know what had happened. He had sat there in the darkness all night, and then all day, and then another night.
He would never go back to school now.
The small patch of light on the ground had shifted closer to Sirius as the sun rose higher, but before he could get up to move further into the darkness, a figure appeared in the mouth of the small cave he was hiding himself in, and blocked the light.
"You should come back," Peter said, but instead of helping him up he sank down on the ground next to Sirius. The ray of light, now released again, glittered on the first tear Sirius had shed all that time.
"I'm an awful person," he muttered, not even drying his face. He stared in front of himself, not daring to move, afraid that maybe then the thoughts would come.
"Everyone's alive," Peter said with strained happiness in his voice, watching Sirius as he buried his face in his hands and sighed heavily.
"I'm expelled, aren't I?" he said into his hands.
"Not yet," another voice answered from the mouth of the cave. Sirius raised his eyes and saw James and Remus entering. Remus looked tired and sad, just as Peter did, but James' eyes were full of anger and disappointment. With heavy sighs they both sunk down on the ground, as well, their backs leaning against the walls of the cave, their eyes staring blankly at the emptyness in the centre of the small room.
The silence was hard on Sirius' ears. He felt he needed to say something, yet nothing would be good enough, he knew. He had betrayed his best friends to their fiercest enemy. And greasiest, he heard his mental voice add, but shrugged it off, afraid that he would break into an involuntary smile. Instead he forced his mind back to the graveness of his deed, reminding himself the day it all began.
-----
The tower room was definitely too small for his taste. The eight four-poster beds were crammed together only barely leaving any room for their suitcases, and making any quicker moving in the dormitory almost impossible. The air smelled a bit stale and it was altogether chilly in there, though the red and gold used in decoration improved the overall image of the room slightly. And he was hoping with all his might that his new classmates would be different from what his family was like.
He quickly jumped into the bed which was closest to the chimney and therefore the warmest.
"Hey, that's my bed!" a small boy with messy hair interrupted him mid-jump.
"No," he replied, landing on the bed with a stomp that made the floor under it creak. "My suitcase is here just next to it." And true to his word, the case with silver engraving of Sirius Black was on the floor on the other side of the bed.
"But so is mine," the other boy argued, pointing half-accusingly, half-amusedly between the beds. A plaque bearing the name of James Potter was attached to the top of a large suitcase which indeed stood next to the one belonging to Sirius.
"But I was here first!"
"But my suitcase was here first!" came the swift answer.
"Prove it!" Sirius shot back. He could see the proving wouldn't be too hard, for the other suitcase was pressed between the wall and his suitcase, but that didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was that he was feeling cold and sleepy and convinced in having a better claim on the bed.
By the time that James had finished proving his point they had gathered the attention of the rest of the boys in the dormitory. Most of them were watching the ongoing argument intently from their warm and comfortable beds, but a relatively short and swift boy was standing just next to them, his head shooting from one side to the other as he tried to keep up with their words.
"And the red on your suitcase goes just as well with the crimson curtains of the other bed; the curtains are the same colour, so that's not a point!" Sirius screamed, letting the flow of the argument draw him with it.
"But your hair is too dark for the pillowcase there!"
"Your hair is a shade darker than mine!"
"That way it suits better!"
"SHUT UP!"
The stubby boy between them seemed to have finally cracked. He looked a bit stunned at himself shouting so loudly and, fidgeting with the hem of his robes, added, "Some of us are trying to sleep here."
Sirius sent a fleeting glance towards James who currently let his gaze waver over the five heads plopping out from between the closed curtains of their five beds.
"So… erm…What's your name?" James asked, turning back to the small boy.
"Peter," he answered shyly.
"Well, Peter, you see, the thing is me and…" he looked questioningly towards Sirius.
"Sirius," he answered politely to the shrug James had sent his way.
"See, me and Sirius were just trying to go to sleep, too," James explained in an overly sweet and motherly voice which Sirius actually found quite amusing.
"So, Peter," Sirius added from his side, not wanting to let James get the better of him, "would you like to have this bed?" He indicated to the one they were arguing over.
"Hey, you can't offer him something that's not yours to offer!" James interjected.
"No," Peter replied quickly, frightened enough by James' words to draw back from the fight. "I have my own over by the window…" And he retreated.
"You're smart not to take it," one of the boys who were watching from the beds said wearily.
"Yeah," James laughed victoriously, "because it's mine!" And with that he jumped right past Sirius onto the same bed.
"Hey you…" Sirius started, grabbing the pillow and getting ready for a fight, but he was stopped.
The boy who had just approved of Peter's retreat had clambered out of his bed and was standing there in his pyjamas, twirling his wand between his fingers. He looked pale and underfed, somehow sickly, but intimidating nonetheless.
"I know some really good spells actually," he said with a chuckle hidden behind his sombre tone. "And I hope you'll find a nice calm solution to your small problem here." He eyed warily the pillow that Sirius was clutching.
"I know what we'll do," James said, shooting his fist in the air in triumph, only narrowly missing Sirius' nose.
"Start a fight?" Sirius asked.
"No, we'll switch beds now and then."
"What? Like wake up every two hours to move into the other bed? You're mad!"
"No, but let's say I have Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and then you'll get to sleep in my bed on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday," James concluded, trying to wrench the pillow out of Sirius' hands.
"So you have my bed to yourself every Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, and I only get to sleep here on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday?" Sirius asked, not loosening his grip on the pillow.
"No, my bed," James said.
"Mine," Sirius argued.
"And I'm not afraid to use those spells!" the other boy shouted.
Sirius let his gaze wonder from the wand to his suitcase to James' suitcase to the bed to James, and then nodded at the same moment that James did.
"So, three days for one of you and three days for the other," Peter said from the far end of the room as the three remaining first-years climbed finally to their beds. "But what about Saturdays?"
Sirius looked towards James for a moment, but then pulled the blanket up to his chin. "Who wants to sleep on Saturdays anyway," he said sleepily as his toes found the warm-water bottles that no doubt some house elf had put there. He realized that maybe that bed wasn't too bad after all, and that maybe going to Hogwarts would be a nice experience.
"Hey you, pale boy," James from the warmest bed said. "What's your name?"
"Remus," came a sleepy answer from one of the curtained-off beds.
"Do you want to have this bed?" James asked with a barely-concealed snort of laughter. "You could have the Saturdays, Sirius and I won't need the bed then…"
"Hey, don't you give out my bed so lightly!" Sirius reprimanded slowly through the first scenes of dreams already.
"My bed," James corrected and a silent snoring took him over, as well.