River of Pain
By Cassandra Sisenta
A/N: Okay…so I haven't been updating a lot of stuff lately. I'm sorry. It's just that I can't write…;;; I think "Morning" burned me out and to think I plan on continuing with some more of that…Well, see I also tend to write up scenes along with Senashenta which are about the characters we have made for our overwhelmingly long history of the planet Kinmokusei. They could all be found in our LJs so do check them out if you are interested oh and please come visit me if you can! I love receiving comments from people and if you're an LJ user, friend me!XD Heehee, anyway. Here's the URL of my LJ, do remove the spaces: http: www. livejournal. com/ users/ cassandracsenta.
Anyway, so it's another Seiya/Yaten! It was just supposed to be another random scene but then I thought, well why not post it as a random scene in my LJ and a fic on for everyone to enjoy? shrugs So now you have something new from me! Though it's angsty…Maaaa….Anyway! I hope you enjoy!!
DISCLAIMER: I almost own Seiya and Yaten actually, gods, they freaking live in my house!! XD coughs Delusional fic writer here…coughs
If there was anything that Yaten Kou hated, it was when people acted pathetic.
Take those fans back on Earth for example. They kept on sending him fanmail, gushing with love declarations and marriage proposals. They went to their concerts and screamed their names in the same volume of their hysterical "I love you"s. They stalked him, tried to talk to him, made him lunch, and called him "Yaten-sama".
It was crazy. It was stupid. It was pathetic.
They said they loved him. They said they wanted to marry HIM.
They have never known him, even if they do know the shade of his hair (it's silver, mind you) and what kind of food he liked to eat (German Caviar, nothing else). They didn't understand him, even if they had gone and psychoanalyzed their songs and concluded that he was lonely and longing. They didn't love him, though they "worshipped the ground he walked on" and would "run over hot coals for his kiss" or something equally ridiculous.
But they thought they did, all of them thought so and they believe every single fanatical sensation of it.
It was pathetic and she hated it.
As much as she hated how a certain black-haired, indigo-eyed "esteemed" leader of Kakyuu-hime's Starlights was being pathetic and moping around the palace when he thought no one could see him.
And for what? For a certain up and coming Queen of the Solar System whom he would never be able to reach, would never be able to touch, would never be able to possess and, yet he loved her still.
It was pathetic!
And there he was again, thinking no one could see him, which was, again, stupid but then again this was Seiya Kou, Sailor Star Fighter she was talking about here. He was standing by a balcony, overlooking the vast expanse of castle grounds that surrounded Kinmoku's royal palace. He was obviously not speaking or moving, since there was no one to converse with and he was obviously deep in his thoughts, of her.
His tsuki no hime whom would never actually be his.
He had been doing this ever since they had returned about a year ago. There was much to be done with the devastation that was Kinmoku and no one had really noticed how sad Seiya actually was. They just had all been so busy and Seiya didn't really want anyone to know, but of course he seemed to have forgotten that a certain silver-haired empath could feel him. He had no escape.
Of course, Yaten had known that Seiya was sad about what he had left back on Earth, despite how happy he was to be back home and how cheerful he appeared in front of everyone. She just didn't know that he was this depressed, that he was pining like this. He had just been putting up a brave, conceding face for everyone. He didn't want them to worry. He didn't want them to know the depth of his feelings and his sadness…
Baka!"Oi Seiya."
The one called immediately turned, indigo eyes slightly wide with surprise when he realized that he hadn't been alone. Of course, he immediately tried to save face. He smiled cheerfully in that usual way of his, though now Yaten only realized how fake it actually was.
"Na, Yaten. What's up?"
Even his voice sounded hollow. Yaten winced mentally at how it grated against her empathic senses and her ears.
He shifted his stance, leaning casually against the railing of the balcony, looking laid back and relaxed though he was really pushing it. It was as if he had forgotten whom it was he was talking to.
Lime green eyes narrowed as her temper simmered, hating how he was putting up a show for her when she obviously could tell that something was going on behind the lights and the glamour.
"Don't take me for an idiot, Seiya." She growled, the sound of it seeming so alien coming from her petite, fragile figure. Lime green eyes flashed almost menacingly and she continued, not mincing words, as was her custom.
"You're still thinking of her aren't you."
It came out a statement and it was as if she slapped him across the face. His eyes were wide then, she could practically see his irises. He froze and he didn't move for some time. It was as if time had stopped and he was suspended in animation. Then slowly, he came down. Those indigo eyes turned weary, those strong soldiers sagged just a bit, and Yaten almost recoiled at the slow seeping of choking emotion that came from him.
He seemed to have sensed her struggling and he quickly pulled back his emotions, placing them back into that neat mental box that could keep them at bay and yet still make them obvious. He had turned away and looked off towards the horizon.
She hadn't even noticed that the sun was setting.
The sunlight tinted his black hair, revealing a sheen of dark, dark blue. His indigo eyes that were suddenly veiled though peeking with unshed tears and unexpressed sadness were staring at nothing. When he spoke, his tenor voice was quiet, empty.
"So what if I am…"
"It's treason, Seiya and I know for a fact that you know what that means so don't even dare try to get away."
"Doesn't matter…"
Fists tightened on Yaten's side, fists closed so tight her nails were almost piercing against the soft skin of her palms. She was shaking with a rage she didn't know the root of and it was making her dizzy. It was intense and she felt her world suddenly becoming hazy before her, but she held on as stubbornly as ever.
But her temper won't allow itself to be controlled. "Don't tell me it doesn't matter, Seiya-baka! Just who do you think you are?! You're the leader of Kinmokusei's Starlights!"
He wasn't looking at her, he couldn't sense her distress this time and it hurt…in more ways than one.
"And I love her still…"
"You can't! You know this! We've told you billions of times! Why don't you just listen?!"
"I could love, her. I could…" His voice remained steady and hers became even louder, echoing against the quiet and surely ringing inside the palace for all its worth. But surprisingly, no one came.
Did no one really hear or didn't they care?
"Love her, yes and what?!" She stamped her foot in fierce rancor, lime green eyes flashing, the silver in her features suddenly seeming to haze and blur with wavering, restrained energy.
Her voice was sharp, her words cutting.
"Wile away your days pining for something you couldn't have?!"
Her words hadn't touched him. Indigo eyes closed then and a dark head bowed, as if in resignation. "Then so be it…"
Silence.
Suddenly, it was as if suddenly the whole of Kinmoku was whispering into her ear, then getting louder and louder.
It doesn't matter…
I love her still…
I could love her, I could…
So what if I am…
THEN SO BE IT…And it deafened her.
Hit her.
Killed her.
Indigo eyes had opened once more, intent on nothing and yet with something as she very well knew. The wind blew, teasing the black midnight and night sky blue of his ponytail. He was looking off again and with his quiet, empty voice calmly, unfeelingly dismissed her.
"Leave me alone, Yaten…Just leave it, all right?"
That was it.
She could only take too much punishment and Yaten Kou, Sailor Star Healer, never took anything lying down. And so, she blasted to hell what she felt and though all along,
"BAKA!"
He didn't even flinch.
Arguments between them hadn't always ended so swiftly and no one ever left to walk away. They were both just too stubborn for that, too proud. They just continued on yelling until they were both hoarse or else someone else stopped them. It never ever ended with one of them leaving.
But then there always had to be first times.
She hadn't even realized that she was walking towards the Senshi's wing then and when she did she was already turning the knob of their apartment's door.
Pathetic!
He's so pathetic!"Yaten, oi…Are you—"
"Save it Taiki."
"Yaten…"
Her bedroom door slammed behind her and she found herself staring at nothing, leaning against the door. She was actually staring at the dark blue carpet that was laid out over the marble floor of her bedroom. Before she even realized this, her vision just got blurry and it got hot, stinging, painful.
Pain. She felt pain.
It was everywhere: in her half-closed eyes, her heated cheeks, her pursed lips, her stiff neck, her tensed shoulders and arms, her clenched fists, her twisted gut, and unsteady legs.
A soft, choking sound escaped her lips and she tried to stop it, bringing a manicured hand to her mouth, but they won't cease. Then she just fell apart, falling down to her knees and crashing down to the dark carpeted floor. She was almost coughing, choking on her well-kept pain, bringing her whole fragile frame forward with the frequency of it. She was trembling and quaking, but she deluded herself further.
She didn't want to believe it.
It was everything.
No, I'm not…The hand held to her face was wet, sticky, and hot, drenched in her river of pain that she liked to wallow in.
Yes, that was what was streaming down from her closed eyes, tumbling down her cheeks and soaking the top of her designer dress. Nothing else.
No, they weren't tears.
She wasn't crying because and for him.
No, she wasn't even crying.
For then she would be pathetic too right?
She didn't want to be pathetic.
For if there was anything that Yaten Kou hated, it was when people were acting pathetic.
Especially when it was her…