The worst thing about falling in love with your friend is that you can't be sure whether you will get or lose everything after telling them.

I'm kind of sure it would be the second thing in my case. I mean, I have a little hope, but why would I lie to myself? Especially when the little lie would mean losing the person I care about the most. So I've been keeping my feelings deep in my heart, holding on those precious feels, even though knowing they are worthless for him hurts a lot.

I learnt to control the emotions, that were exploding in my veins anytime I saw that doesn't mean they disappeared.

To be honest, I can't complain. All the stuff I said… It's nothing compared to the fact I can spend almost all of my time with him. I know I'm being selfish, but I could do anything just to be with him.

But suddenly, we grew up and being together isn't possible anymore. Our paths will split and we will continue living in different worlds, separated. It's not like we can never meet again, but it makes me feel very uneasy.

One day, the last day before leaving for their universities, Makoto woke up very early and stared at the ceiling. The uneasy feeling sat down on his chest and he could barely breathe. The more he was trying to forget about it and focus on something else, the worse got the feeling. In the end he decided to go out and look around the town. It's not like I'm leaving forever… But something is definitely going to change. He started running to send away unsettling thoughts, to escape his fears and feelings.

After fifteen minutes of running around, he found himself in front of Haru's house. Of course, there wasn't any other place he could go to at such a situation. But now it wasn't the best choice. Makoto was about to run away, but his body moved closer to the door. It's the last day before leaving. The last day we could be together. I want to spend it with him. I want to…

With those thoughts, he grabbed the knob, but the door suddenly opened.

Makoto was staring at Haru's face with the same surprised expression. Then he smiled.

"Hey. Are you going out?"

"... I thought I'll go run a bit."

"Would you mind me joining you?"

Haru just shook his head and headed to the sea. Makoto joined him, keeping up with his speed. Today everything feels so different… Or is it just my imagination?

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" he asked, kind of sure it was the reason for Haru to go out running right now. Well, it was the same with him.

"I don't know. Not really. And you?"

"Kind of." Makoto smiled and looked at him. "But I'm sure we are going to be fine."

"... Yeah."

After ten minutes of silence, Makoto stopped. They were about to leave the beach, Haru was already on the road, but Makoto was standing in the sand, looking at the ocean.

"You don't have to run with me." Haru walked back toward Makoto. "Today I feel like running a lot."

"No. I want to… I want to spend today with you." Haru gave him the surprised face he expected. "Since we are leaving tomorrow… I thought…"

"Alright." Haru's agreement was surprisingly quick, but Makoto didn't complain. They sat down on the beach next to each other, just staring at the ocean and the sky they won't be able to see that often anymore. Makoto's uneasiness grew even worse.

"Haru… I need to tell you something." He sighed and looked down. "I've never wanted to tell you. You know, I really don't want you to hate me. But… You should know it. I want you to know it. I'm sorry, I must be selfish now. Just… I've always cared about you the most. I could get closer to you every day, I could share with you things we never shared with anyone else and it made me happy. I wanted to be with you, to share with you everything I could. It might sound silly, but all those things meant a lot for me. With you I'm happier than with anyone else. After some time… my feelings changed. It didn't feel like friendship anymore. I don't know how and when it happened. At first, it scared me. I thought I'm a bad person for ruining our friendship. But then I found out my secret feelings don't ruin our friendship at all. I started working on hiding those emotions so I can't hurt you and destroy the relationship we have and that I treasure so much. Even though I keep the emotions secret, they are precious for me. I'm not ashamed of having them, but I understand it's not good to propose to you right here, all of sudden. I just wanted to share everything with you and… tell you how I feel about you…"

Makoto's voice cracked, but he didn't mind, because it was everything he needed to say at the moment. Of course, there was more deep in his heart, but it wasn't the right time to say it out loud.

The silence between them felt so heavy, it was crashing Makoto's shoulders. He slowly started wishing he could turn back time. The only effect it could have was the one he imagined. Haru will hate him now.

"You know… I don't really know what to say. I don't hate you or anything. But this is…" Haru stood up. "Just give me some time. I'll deal with it somehow and we can be friends again."

"Alright. Thank you," Makoto smiled, trying so hard to blink away his tears.

"Well, then see you later." Haru looked at him, then quickly turned away and started running at the same direction as before.

It's everything he can give me… His friendship. And it's everything I hope for. Makoto closed his eyes, his tears coming out from under his eyelids, but he kept smiling. Now I really share with him everything important to me. I can take this memory with me to Tokyo. To know we can always meet again and he will continue being my friend. He stood up, wiping his tears. The wind wiped the rest of his face and he started running back home, ready to face his new life.