Title: Rock and a Hard Place
Author: y0ungalaska
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: All copyrighted materials referenced within this fan-fiction are not mine. I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any characters of Grey's. This is for entertainment purposes only. I am not making any money out of this whatsoever. Any real people, places, events etc referenced in this work of fiction have been done so in an entirely fictional manner and is not meant to be libelous or defamatory.
A/N: This story is along the same lines as Fight or Flight, but a completely different fic entirely. It's a one-shot and I just wrote it tonight, but I thought I'd post it for you lovely readers =) I do hope that you like it. Feedback is appreciated and love is always welcome! haha. Okay, on with the show! (P.S. It jumps right into the story. No warning.) Enjoy!
Sometimes, we're forced to see the truth. Sometimes, we're forced to deal with things that we'd rather not deal with. We'd rather walk away and simply forget about it. But here's the thing, forgetting never works; it never makes the situation better. In fact, it just prolongs the inevitable. It leads us down a long path that will ultimately end up in the same place if we would have just dealt with it to begin with. We're afraid of the things we'll never know and we're afraid of the things we can't see with our own eyes. Reading between the lines is a hell of a way to read a situation. The lines in between tell us more than the words written. All in all, we, as human beings, are afraid of the truth.
"Calliope, I'm getting married." Arizona stated, completely dazed.
"I know, Arizona, I know, but I couldn't not tell you." Callie took a few steps towards the slightly stunned blonde and slowly reached out. "You don't know how long I've been waiting to say this to you; to tell you that I love you and that I miss you and that I can't live my life without you."
Arizona looked up into brown orbs flushed with fresh tears. Callie continued, "Three years ago I made the biggest mistake by letting you go. I let you walk away and that was on me. Two days later, I went after you and you were gone. You left and I never got the chance to tell you."
"You came after me?" Arizona asked. Her once bright blue eyes were now a darker shade of blue and filled with questions.
"of course I did. I know that it took me too long. Two days? I look back now," Callie softly placed the blondes hands to her side and she took a seat. Arizona quickly followed. "I look back now, and I realize that I should have come sooner. I know that I should have, but I was in shock. I mean, one day, we were perfect and then the next, we were no longer together. I could hardly process the thought. I called into work two days in a row and sat in my apartment, sulking. I cried, I threw things, I even tried getting furiously drunk and dancing it out with Cristina but nothing worked. So on that third day, I went looking for you. I went to your apartment and there was no answer, I went to all the places in Seattle that I knew you loved to go when you needed time to yourself and I never find you. Finally, I went into the hospital and I asked the chief and that's when I found out that you had gone." Callie dropped her head as a tear slid down her cheek. The memory played as though it just happened. She stifled a sob.
She knew before she came to see Arizona that she couldn't allow herself to cry or she would never get through this. 'Resolve' she thought to herself. She looked up to see Arizona fighting back tears. "I've been looking for you ever since, you know?" Callie rose to her feet and walked to the window that overlooked the city. She peered down to the streets, watching the people as they scattered about. "I even had Mark and Cristina helping me. You want to know something funny?" She turned to look at Arizona, who was slightly nodding her head. "Cristina was the first to offer her help." She chuckled at the memory. "She told me that she couldn't bear to see me moping around our apartment, drinking and listening to that sad crap and that I needed to find you and just tell you how I felt before it was too late. Who knew Cristina would be the one to give me the best advice I'd ever been given?" She kept her eyes on the road below, for fear of turning around and seeing that look in her lover's eyes. The look she had seen before Arizona had walked out the door. "Arizona?"
The blonde looked up and for the first time, she was seeing the woman in front of her. Although Calliope had her back turned and her eyes were focused on the city below, Arizona finally, truly looked at her. Her heart constricted as she steadied her breathing. The day she and Callie had broken up had been one of the most painful days of her life. Yes, she should have stayed but her pride wouldn't allow her to. And so she did what she had been so used to doing as a kid; she ran. She had been so used to getting up and leaving whenever things weren't working out that she didn't even think twice about it. Well, that was a lie, she actually stayed around Seattle for a day before she high-tailed it out of town, but she still left and that was the point. She left. And now, here she was, the day before her wedding to an amazing woman, and she couldn't help but let herself be brought back to the days of Calliope Torres. "Yes?"
Callie almost didn't hear the response she was so focused on the street below her. The people, happy as they were or unhappy as they weren't, moving around, hailing cabs, and running through the streets. She took a deep breath. "Was Cristina right? Am I too late?"
-FLASHBACK-
"Callie that is it." Cristina almost yelled, bringing Callie out of her trance. Cristina walked over and pushed the off button on the stereo and stood in front of her roommate. She watched as Callie slowly looked up to her, puffy-eyed. "Get up." She demanded.
"No." Callie answered, looked through her.
"Callie I said get up." Cristina spoke.
"No!" Callie was near the point of yelling. Her tears were beginning to flow again.
Cristina looked on and couldn't help but to soften a little, but she didn't show it. "I refuse to watch you sit here, sulking over Malibu Barbie. You are an Ortho Bad-Ass. You are a surgeon. We don't sulk. We get up, we save lives and we drink tequila."
At the last mention, Callie looked up a bit confused.
"Ok, I drink tequila, but that's not the point." Cristina dropped her shoulders. "What happened to you? You're a God and you're sitting here on the couch with a bucket of," she took the ice cream away to read the title. Callie snatched it back, "world class chocolate and crying like a baby. This is not Callie. This is not the Orthopedic God that I know. No, if this was such a big deal, the Callie I know would fix it. That's what you do, you FIX things. You prove people wrong."
"It's not the same, Cristina." Callie spoke.
"No? It's not the same? So when people thought that you couldn't make artificial cartilage out of liquid, did you not prove them wrong?" She waited for a response. Callie simply looked at her. "When you first got here and everyone treated you like an outcast, did you not prove US wrong?" She waited. Again, no answer. "And when your father showed up to the hospital with his Let's Pray Away The Gay routine, did you not prove HIM wrong?"
Callie finally let out an audible sigh. "Yes. I did."
"So then, what's the problem?" Cristina flopped down on the couch, sighing. "You're Calliope Iphegenia Torres. You're a Rock Star. You're a God. And you're in love with a woman who is absolutely head over heels in love with you. Why are you sitting on the couch eating mixed ice cream when you could be on an island with Polly Pocket?"
Callie smiled for the first time in 48 hours.
"Come on, Cal, you know I'm right." Cristina spoke, nudging her friend.
Callie looked up, "When did you get so warm and heartfelt?"
Cristina straightened out. "I am not warm. Nor am I heartfelt. I am dark and twisty and I am a robot." Cristina gave her friend a small smile and then, her facial expression fell back to serious. "Tell anyone and I'll hurt you." She stood up and walked towards her room. Before entering, she turned back, "Go get your girl, Torres. If you wait any longer, it'll be too late. And I can't do this for another day. You're killing me." With that, she closed her room door.
-END FLASHBACK-
The sound of movement by Arizona brought Callie out of her own thoughts. She turned around and simply watched the woman moving about; choosing not to speak. Her mind was racing with thoughts. She had just asked the love of her life a question and she had received no answer. Arizona got up and started pacing the room. Callie could hear her muttering, but she couldn't make out what she was saying. Suddenly, for the first time, she began to doubt herself. She began to doubt her decision. She began to doubt everything.
"Arizona…" Callie began to speak but was cut off, "Calliope…" Arizona threw up her hand. Callie's heart sank. Arizona wouldn't even look at her.
'Of course she won't look at you. You burst through her doors the day before her wedding and bare your soul and what did you expect, Callie? Seriously?' The brunette thought to herself. She tried one last time to catch the blonde's gaze but to no avail.
Dropping her shoulders, she picked up her coat and jacket and started to make her way to the door. Stopping in front of Arizona, she spoke, "I know that this is all so sudden. I know that you're getting married tomorrow and believe me, I wouldn't have come if I didn't think…" she let the words trail off. "I just… I needed you to know. So whatever choice you make, I'll understand. If there is even a choice." Callie whispered. She felt defeated. She felt like she was reliving their break-up all over again and the pain was almost double what it was three years ago. She sighed. "Just know that I love you, Arizona. I always have and I always will. No matter whom you're with or where you are, you'll always have my heart because I refuse to take it back. No one in this world deserves to hold it more than you and more importantly, I don't want anyone else holding it. So take care of my heart, I'm leaving it with you." With that, she made her way to the door, but before she could close it, she heard Arizona speak,
"I'm scared."
Callie stopped in her tracks and turned around. Her beautiful brown eyes were now brimmed over with tears. The sound of Arizona's voice destroyed her entire resolve. There was a child-like tone to her voice, which Callie recognized immediately. Arizona was never scared and if she was, she never voiced it.
"What are you afraid of, Arizona?"
Arizona looked up for the first time since Callie had bared her soul. Her blue eyes were shiny with the hint of new tears. She inhaled deeply as she took in the sight before her. Calliope was more beautiful than ever standing before her; that she did know. She couldn't shake the thoughts running through her mind. She loved her fiancée, she did, but she also really loved Calliope. Part of her wanted to do the right thing. The right thing being telling Callie that she was getting married and no matter what happened between them, she couldn't go back there again. She couldn't relive the past. But the other part of her? The other part of her wanted to throw caution to the wind and envelope the Latina into her arms and never let her go. The other part of her yearned to feel the strong arms of the woman standing in front of her wrapped around her body, the feel of Callie's lips pressed against her own. Her body shivered involuntarily causing her to blink. "I…" She tried to speak but the words caught in her throat.
'I'm scared of this. Of us. You don't know how long I've waited for you to say those words. To come after me and tell me how much you love me, but things are different now. I am different now. I'm getting married to a wonderful woman.' Arizona's thoughts quickly rushed through her mind as she stood there looking at Callie, who was waiting patiently for an answer. She began to rationalize.
"You know that I'm getting married." Arizona spoke, never taking her eyes off the woman in front of her. She could see the defeat in Callie.
"Of course, I know you are and I'm sorry…" Callie began but was again cut off, "Wait, let me finish." Arizona spoke. "The entire time you were speaking to me, Calliope, I was rationalizing. I was thinking of ways to handle the situation. This isn't easy for me." She dropped her shoulders and sighed. "I don't know what a life with her would entail but I was willing to try, because I loved her."
Callie dropped her head. The tears that she had fought so hard to keep at bay were now flowing freely. Arizona took a few steps forward until she was standing face to face with Callie. She dipped her head down and brought the taller woman's eyes to meet her own. "But if I were to be completely truthful with myself right now, I would say that I am absolutely, positively still in love with you, Calliope." She smiled slightly as she cocked her head to the side. She waited for Callie to speak. There was no response. "I love you, Calliope. I always have and I believe that I always will. When I left, I made the biggest mistake of my life. I didn't allow us the time to work it out and for that, I am truly sorry."
"Don't…" Callie whispered and shook her head. This caused Arizona to tense up a bit and become a bit confused. Callie noticed and immediately spoke, "I mean don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. You left, yes, but I should be apologizing because I didn't give you a reason to stay. I could have fought for you, Arizona, and I didn't. So I am sorry."
Arizona smiled. "I should have waited."
"And I should have fought harder."
"There's going to be a lot of things that we have to work out, not to mention work on." Arizona commented, taking Callie's hands into her own. "But I want to get it right this time."
"I can't promise you perfect, Arizona, but I can promise to love you and cherish you for the rest of my life. I can promise you that I will treat you with respect and ask your opinion; I will do everything in my power to keep that smile on your face. I promise…" Callie again let the words trail off as she stood there looking at Arizona.
"You said that you were leaving your heart with me and that you didn't think anyone else deserved to hold it, did you mean that?" Arizona asked.
"With everything that I am." Callie stated.
Arizona finally allowed her tears to flow freely. There was no more holding back. There was no more wondering, no more wanting or thinking. Right now, there was only doing. True, she had a wedding to break off and she felt terrible about it. Even more than terrible but when it came to her and Calliope, there was an undeniable pull. To let her go again would be the biggest mistake she'd ever make and she refused to live life unhappy. It wasn't about choosing Callie or choosing her now ex-fiancee even. No, for once, she was finally choosing Arizona Robbins.
And the choice was good.
Choices. That's what this life is all about. It's not about the right choice or the wrong choice, but more about the choices that make us happy. If we aren't happy, then what is the point of life? Yes, people get hurt and yes, people get left behind, but life goes on and we continue to grow. Dealing. We choose to deal with the things that scare us because it is facing your fear that makes you a rock star. It is facing your fears that bring to you some peace of mind. We leap, head first, and hope for the best. Because in the end, all we've got is ourselves to ultimately make us happy.