PREWARNING: CONTAINS REFERENCES OF SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.
This is about Carla's mental health, the story starts from the roof top scenes that are airing soon. This is my version of what I imagine of the scenes to be like. This is also my first fan fiction so I hope you all like it because I have put in a lot of effort and research into writing it in the right way.
Shall I go or shall I stay?
Carla was strolling down the street; she clearly wasn't in the right state of mind. It was as though part of her was lost. She didn't even recognise her own home; she was confused about her whereabouts. She thought everyone was against her – out to get her. Punish her in a way and make her suffer. As she was passing by all the terrace houses, she happened to glance at underworld, on top she saw Aidan up there.
She shouted: 'Aidan!? you're Alive!?'.
She climbed up those stairs to the roof faster than anything, she didn't want him to go away, she held some guilt over herself, thinking she was the cause of Aidan's suicide, that she pushed him over the edge. Carla wanted to be punished, she thought that she brought no good to anyone's lives, that she poisons everything she touches. That no one wouldn't even notice she was gone forever. Carla thought they were better off without her. She just didn't see any reason why she should carry on living on this earth when the world was all against her.
Carla spoke:'Look Aidan, I'm so sorry about everything.' There was no response.
Suddenly she was distracted by a voice, she turned around and she saw that it was Peter.
'Carla!? Who are you talking to?' Peter spoke with concern; he could see that she was fragile and on the very edge of the roof.
Carla told him, ' Aidan, he's come back to give me a message, I'm going to join him. It's what I deserve.'
Peter then cried out, " OH NO. please Carla no."
Suddenly his worst nightmare was happening, petrified she was going jump off. Peter knew this wasn't the first time that Carla tried to commit suicide, a few weeks back, the aftermath of the roof collapse he was looking for signs of suicide thoughts because he knew how fragile she can be during difficult times. When he took her to the medical centre before she disappeared a month ago, he was worried she was going to harm herself.
Carla yells at him " It is my time to go "
Silent.
Carla yells again "I killed Rana!"
Silent.
Carla yells ' Peter you shouldn't love evil. Look at all the people I've hurt in the past – Tony, Frank and Nick. I deserved what I got, it was my fault, it's always my fault.'
Carla goes on, ' And Liam and Paul, their deaths were my fault. I should at least be punished for all of it. I deserve it! '
Peter speaks, 'Carla, none of that is true, you're not evil – you're beautiful inside and out. And as it goes to Tony and Frank, it was not your fault, they did terrible, unforgiving things to you. They were the evil ones not you. No one deserves to put through horrific things like you have been put through over the years. '
Carla was very distressed; whilst in conversation with Peter she was hallucinating and hearing voices of the particular people she didn't want to hear of or be reminded of them. Carla's mind was spinning around in circles, nothing was clear to her. She felt as though she was being tortured and reminded of her past. Carla closed her eyes to try escape it all, instead she was still re living everything. She felt scared and vulnerable, the most she had felt in years. A shadow began to appear, it turned out to be Anne Foster standing in front of her with a knife. She heard Anne's voice ' He's dead isn't that enough' Carla's shallow breaths were getting more intense and louder, she just wanted it all to be over. Her mind spun again but a million times faster, it was Frank Foster. Carla's nightmare coming true, she couldn't bear to see his face, his dark, evil eyes. She screamed 'PLEASE STOP NO. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP' she saw her own shadow, her cradled and shaking, lying on her flat floor with Frank stood over her. Carla's eyes were filled with immense fear. All she heard was the loud tortured words from Frank Foster 'It was your fault. You made me do it.'
Peter continued to try show her the light, 'I love you so much Carla, were soulmates, I'd be lost without you. We've worked so hard to get to where we are, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. '
Carla's head was facing down whilst shaking in distress, her hallucinations continued with Tony's voice ' You destroyed us, you don't know the meaning of love.'Just as she thought they had all gone, Carla's mother Sharon appear. She saw a scared, frail young girl who was not looked after properly. In fact, she was witnessing one part of her poor, miserable upbringing as a child. Her drunken Mother, brutally slapped Carla in the face and screamed in her face 'You're useless Carla. Worth nothing. Why don't you just vanish off this earth ay?! ... it's not like anyone would miss you or anything.'
Carla couldn't cope with it, she just wanted everything to stop and find a way out. Hearing voices and seeing all the people that have put her through unforgiving things was sending her to the very edge. Ready to end it all, be free of all the pain she was experiencing.
Peter continues: 'Me, Ken, Simon, your friends and family would be in distraught of the thought of never being able to see you again. We all Love you. You're worth so much to everyone. Carla, sweetheart we've got so much ahead of us, we have a bright future, it may be tough journey, but we will get there baby. Ay, we could start our own little family again, that's something exciting and worth fighting for isn't it?'
Carla found it hard to concentrate when a million other things were going on in her fragile, poor mind at the same that she was speaking to Peter. Her words were all mumbled up as she couldn't think straight anymore.
Carla speaks fast: 'I do love you Peter but, you're better off without me, all of you. Our baby wouldn't want me, they'd think I am rotten and evil.'
Peter expresses 'None of that is true, you'd make an excellent mother, Simon adores you Carla.'
Carla was pulling at her hair, who was unsettled and agitated.
She spoke fast: 'Come on Peter, you must hear them?'
Peter was even more concerned 'Them? There is no them, it's just you and me?'
Carla replied, 'No. It's not, look- 'she points to corner of the roof top.
Peter turned to where she was pointing at, he was in distraught, he just wanted to fight her demons for her.
She continues to speak: 'Anne, Frank, Tony and my Mum. Their all here, they've come to finish me off once and for all'
Peter knew instantly that she was hallucating.
He was heartbroken to what his girlfriend was going through 'Oh sweetheart, Carla. It's in your mind, it's just the two of us. You're ill, you need help. I know where we go to feel safe. You need to trust me. '
Peter just wanted to get her the best help and support that Carla needed, it pained him to see the love of his life be so terrified.
Carla didn't know to trust, she felt anxious and Carla thought the whole world was against her. That they all wanted her gone forever or never have ever existed in the first place, wishing she was never born onto this planet.
Peter explained: 'Now sweetheart, there is nothing to be a shamed of, it's okay to accept help. You're not doing anything wrong. '
Silent.
Peter was the only one she truly felt safe with, the one she could trust with her whole life. He was being careful of what he was saying to Carla as he didn't want to trigger any button that would cause her to jump off. He didn't want to lose the love of his life, Peter just wanted to protect her and be her shelter.
Flashing blue lights surrounded the street, it didn't come unnoticed, clearly something serious was happening. The ambulance team decided to block the area off reach as they didn't want Carla to feel threatened by having an audience watching her on top of the roof.
He tries to convince her to come with him and speaks: 'Please Carla, grab hold of my hand. You're safe with me, you can trust me. I'd never hurt you. '
There was just silence like the world had just ended.
Please leave reviews xx