Chapter 1:

I look around and all I see are blurred out faces of my family and friends telling me everything will be ok and they are sorry for my lost. I feel suffocated and at the same time so alone. How could this have happened to me? Why my child.

Slowly I walk out the front door of my parent's house and into the woods. I needed to get away from all the sorrow and sadness. I walked slowly threw the trees and found the spot where Jacob finely asked me to be his wife. That was the start of what I thought would be the perfect life.

I sat down by our tree and cried for the first time since we lost the baby. Just thinking for our son made me cry more. "You didn't even have a name yet…"

I heard something move behind me and jumped up to see my father standing with his arms held out to me. I ran into his arms and cried harder feeling like a child again. He held me close and rubbed my hair.

"Renesmee…" I could tell he was trying to hold back his tears.

"Why me daddy… everything was fine and then everything went wrong," I started to cry harder, "this is all my fault."

"Don't say that. This is not your fault. No one knew what would happen if you got pregnant or even if you could," he looked down at me, "maybe it wasn't the right time."

I pulled away from him. "How can you say that? I've been married almost 3 years. All we have wanted was a baby and I killed it. I KILLED MY CHILD DAD. DON'T YOU GET THAT! THAT'S I WILL EVER BE IS A KILLER!"

I turned and ran. Faster then I had ever ran before. I ran until I got to our house on the reservation. I opened the door and slammed and locked it. I looked around our house and screamed. I picked up the picture of my father and threw it and the glass shattered.

I stared to pick up anything I could find and threw it everywhere. I went from every room till I got to the nursery. I stood in the middle of the room and looked at everything we had done.

The light green paint that had taken us two days to paint because we couldn't stop painting each other to get it done. The crib that was Jacobs as a baby that he insisted he put together himself along with the changing table. The pictures of us and little sayings I had found that I thought would be prefect.

The rocking chair that was Jacobs mothers. All the stuffed animals and clothes we had bought. I walked over and picked up the white stuffed animal wolf my parent's had bought and sat down in the rocking chair.

I rocked back in forth for a while crying alone for a while. Thinking of all the things Jacob and I wanted to do with our son. Long walks on the beach, playing in the sand, and building sand castles.

Jacob wanted to teach him everything his father taught him about the tribe and where we came from. How to make things with your hands and climb trees.

We couldn't wait to be parents and now we won't be. "And it all my fault." I sat there for hours till I heard Jacob unlock the front door and walk inside. I heard him sigh. "Nessie?"

I got up and walked out to the living room still holding the stuffed wolf tight. I looked at him and tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry…"

He looked at me and knew I wasn't talking about trashing the house. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my forehead. I could feel how he wanted to cry too but was trying to be the strong one for my sake.

I cried more. He picked me up in his arms and carried me to our room. We laid together. Me crying and him holding me till we finely fell asleep ending one of the worse days of our lives, hoping tomorrow would be a little easier then the last.