Fair warning – this was written by two almost-adults on a sugar high, whilst also possibly suffering from heat stroke. It may not be funny to you but it is ridiculously hilarious to us.
Alex didn't die. He fell through Apocalypse's portal and landed alone in the desert. This is his diary, no, shit, journal. This is his journal.
Day 40: I Have Eaten My Wife
Day 01: I am in a desert.
Day 02: I am still in a desert.
Day 03: Mirage oasis?
Day 04: Real oasis!
Day 05: I miss burgers.
Day 06: I miss pizza.
Day 07: I don't miss Scott
Day 08: When are they going to rescue me?
Day 09: Do they even know I'm gone?
Day 10: I would take Hank right now.
Day 11: Where's Magneto when you need him.
Day 12: Anybody?
Day 13: I have met a Scorpion
Day 14: The scorpion is now called Sally
Day 15: Tan lines?
Day 16: Tan lines!
Day 17: I feel funny around Sally
Day 18: I think I'm in love with Sally
Day 19: Does she love me back?
Day 20: She does!
Day 21: People go mad if they are alone too long.
Day 22: I married Sally.
Day 23: Is this what insanity feels like?
Day 24: Yes. Yes, it is.
Day 25: Honeymoon's going great.
Day 26: Sally's mad I ate her brother.
Day 27: She forgave me.
Day 28: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? It's a bird.
Day 29: I need a haircut.
Day 30: I fell down a hole.
Day 31: Sally didn't help me out of the hole.
Day 32: We're arguing.
Day 33: We made up.
Day 34: Let's get it on! ;)
Day 35: I think Sally is pregnant.
Day 36: It's not mine.
Day 37: We can make it work.
Day 38: We can't make it work.
Day 39: We can make it work.
Day 40: I have eaten my wife.
Day 41: We could have made it work.
Day 42: I'm lonely.
Day 43: I think Sally was a boy.
Day 44: Am I pregnant?
Day 45: I have to leave. Too many memories.
Day 46: Real oasis?
Day 47: Mirage oasis.
Day 48: I miss Sally.
Day 49: I found a scorpion who looks like Sally.
Day 50: I got mad and Not-Sally blew up. How?
Day 51: Oh, yeah. Mutant.
Day 52: I would do illegal things for a salad right now.
Day 53: I did illegal things. Where's my salad?
Day 54: I miss Sally
Day 55: Civilisation!
Day 56: These people don't speak English.
Day 57: Do I speak English?
Day 58: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Yes, it's a plane.
Day 59: I think I recognise this bald dude.
Day 60: Home. Finally.
Day 61: God damn tan lines.
Day 62: I missed a lot.
Day 63: I hate these people.
Day 64: Sally was better company.
Day 65: Take me back to the desert.
Day 66: What is with the bubble wrap?
Day 67: It was Scott.
Day 68: I DON'T NEED BUBBLE WRAP, SCOTT. I NEED THE TOILET.
Day 69: Ha-ha, 69!
Day 70: I ran out of pages.
Thank you and please review,
Mia