Missing

A/N - So, new story! This is set before the finale of season 5, before Lucifer is freed. I have taken a few liberties, and will be changing up the story to fit my story. I hope you like it and any feedback is much appreciated!

Chapter One

My world ended the day Dean went to hell.

I could do nothing but watch, along with Sam, as Lilith's hell hounds tore him to shreds in front of us, until his chest looked like raw meat, his eyes turning glassy and his head slumping to the side.

I wanted Lilith to kill me. I begged her too, and she certainly seemed willing, her eyes turning white as she raised her hand, and I closed my eyes, a small smile on my face as I welcomed death.

But it never came.

I had dropped to the floor panting, watching as she scrambled back away from Sam, before smoking out and leaving Ruby's body on the floor next to Dean's.

Sam immediately went to his brother, holding him as he cried out his name, his tears steadily falling onto the torn up body. Because that's all it was now. A body. A hell hounds discarded chew toy. It wasn't Dean anymore, he had gone to hell. His soul ready for the rack, to be tortured for a millennium until he turned into one of the black eyed sons of bitches he killed.

Or had killed.

I could only sit there, slumped on the floor, and watch as Sam mourned for his brother, as he picked up his brother's body, leaving me on the floor. I don't know if it was shock, but I couldn't move. All I could do was stare at the deep red blood staining the floor where Dean had laid, begging myself to wake up from this nightmare. Sam had returned at some point, picking me up off the blood soaked floor and carrying me to the Impala without saying a word.

We had followed Bobby as we all drove back to his house, the car silent. I could feel Sam glance my way every now and again, but I was still in shock, just staring straight ahead, my mind replaying the moment the light left Dean's eyes. The moment I knew I'd lost him forever.

Sam had refused to give him a hunter's funeral. He said that Dean would need his body for when he came back, then he disappeared, not bothering to let me near nor Bobby what he was going to do or where he was going. We knew what he was going to do. Another demon deal. Another deal to trade his soul for Dean's in the pit. To sacrifice himself for his brother, just as his brother had sacrificed his life for him. Both of them unable to live without each other.

Two months went by and I hadn't heard anything. Bobby spoke to him sporadically but never in length about what he was doing. I think Bobby was just relieved that Sam was still here, that he hadn't done something stupid.

So, I left.

I knew Bobby worried about me; I hadn't cried or even spoke about Dean since his death, despite his many attempts to get me talking. I had shut down, my heart had a hole ripped through it, leaving it a tattered mess inside my chest and talking about it wasn't going to heal it. I'd lost someone hugely important in my life, someone who I had loved with my entire being, despite never being able to act upon it.

And now I never could.

Even if it had been one-sided, if he didn't feel the same way, maybe it would have made a difference t how I felt now. But I doubted it.

For the first month, I kept in touch with Bobby, letting him know I was fine, giving him small updates on what I was doing. I'm not sure if he missed me when the phone calls stopped. If he had continued to call, not giving it a second thought that all my cells had died or been disconnected. Asked around if anyone had seen me, heard of me. Maybe if he had, I wouldn't be in the position I found myself in now.

I slowly lifted my head, looking up at my torturer stood in front of me.

"How's my favourite girl doing?" he taunted, picking up a large knife from the table at his side.

I was hanging by the wrists from the ceiling, my feet barely touching the floor. I'd grown used to the pain, to my impending death. At first I screamed, I begged, pleaded with him to kill me. But all I heard was his laughter. I didn't know how long I'd been here. Days, weeks, months. It had become a blur of torture and pain, giving me a small respite to recover slightly before starting all over again.

He ran the knife down my side, blood flowing freely down my side. I scrunched up my face in pain but made no noise. What was the the point?

"I'd have thought the Winchester's would have found you by now,"

"Dean's dead," I whispered, "And Sam is..."

He placed the flat side of the knife under my chin and raised my head. "Oh, but you're wrong sweetheart. Dean is very much alive and hunting with his brother."

I weakly shook my head. "He went...went to hell..."

He laughed. "He did. But now he's topside," he tilted his head, tapping the knife on his cheek. "Maybe I should have told you that little titbit sooner..."

"You're lying..." I croaked a little louder.

"I take no pleasure in telling you this," he threw his head back, laughing loudly. "Oh, wait. Yes I do! He's been back for, oh, about a year now. Pesky angels pulled him out of the pit. I have proof for you. A little video taken a few weeks ago." He pulled out his cell and pressed play.

I watched as Sam and Dean fought off a couple of demons, killing them both before wiping the blood off their weapons and walking back to the Impala. "That...that could have been...been taken before he died," I said quietly, doubt clouding my thoughts.

He smirked. "You're right, it could have. But you know I'm not lying, you just don't want to believe it."

I felt sick. Finding out from a demon that Dean was still alive was like a sucker punch to the gut. But knowing that they weren't looking for me, that they didn't seem to know or care I was missing, was truly heart-breaking. "I...I..."

He stepped forward, his fingers grazing my cheek as he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. "They don't care about you," he whispered in my ear. "Dean came back from hell, and they didn't bother to look for you. They didn't even think about you at all. You will die here knowing you meant nothing to them."

Tears slid down my cheeks. He was right. They didn't care. They never did. "Please, just kill me. Please," I begged.

He smiled. "Oh, I will. In due time sweetheart. In due time."