Chapter 1: Doubts
Bella sat alone on her bed, waiting on Edward's arrival. A nightly ritual, he'd come to her room: cuddle her, kiss her, tempt her, and deny her. He cited his bloodlust and lack of control, but sometimes she wondered…
Was it all just a game?
Considering the length of time they'd been together, and the trials they'd been through…why was he still holding back?
She heard a tap on the glass windowpane, mentally prepared herself for frustration, and then rose to open the window.
Edward slipped fluidly through the window and into her room
"You shut your window? What have I done to disappoint you?" Edward asked, with concern.
Bella regarded him, taking in his long, lean body. Hard and cold. Like his personality. His eyes, with their disconcerting golden gleam appraised her as she appraised him.
"Nothing" Bella sighed, "I just wanted some time alone to think."
"Should I leave you to your thoughts..?" he asked, contradicting his question, by leaning over to stroke her face slowly.
Bella sighed, "no, it's alright, you can stay." She knew he would convince her one way or another, to let him stay. Whether it was a guilt trip, or a pressing reminder of her loneliness without him. He always told her he couldn't live without her, and loved her, and then reminded her that she also needed his protection. She wouldn't need that protection if she hadn't met him the first place.
As he slid the blanket over her shoulders, and curled up in a spoon behind her, she began to think about their relationship. Maybe Charlie was right, maybe she was spending too much time with him, too absorbed in their relationship. Codependent.
Edward pressed the length of his body to her backside "Bella, love, tell me what's on your mind."
"That. Edward. That's what's on my mind" she grumbled.
He sighed. "Sweetheart, you know I want you, I just can't. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hurt you. After you've been turned…"
Bella turned over and gave him a long, cold look. A look that cut his words off and made the vampire uneasy.
"You won't make love to me til I'm turned, yet you wont turn me til we're married, and you don't want to get married til I've 'lived a longer human life', did I get everything?" she stated slowly.
"It sounds like you don't want me at all" She finished, look up at him quickly to gage his reaction.
He inhaled sharply, avoiding her eyes, and speaking in a choked voice.
"Bella. You have to know that's not true. I love you more than life itself. How can you say that? Why is physical pleasure so important to you? Why can't I make you happy?"
Bella listened to his same, tired argument. Noting that at the end of it, he turned it back on her. Placing the blame.
"I'm human, Edward. I need both physical and emotional satisfaction." She replied evenly. She also noted that his uneasiness was back. He realized she was no longer an innocent girl. She was maturing and beginning to understand. And he smoothly switched tactics.
"What about your family? What about Charlie? Are you ready to abandon him so soon, for a future of sex and immortality?" he asked, twisting the words to sound like sick and depraved life choices.
Bella tensed, "you're right Edward, you're right. Let's not fight" I'll save this battle for later, after I've arranged my thoughts. She amended in her head. She curled up in his cold embrace, and forced herself to relax and let slumber take her cares away.
Chapter 2: Habits
Edward took one long last look at Bella's sleeping form, before turning and jumping from her bedroom window. He sprinted back to his family's house. He always left at daybreak to change clothes and bring his car back to take her to school.
Edward also left, because he had his daily needs to attend to. Daily needs he told no one about.
Once he reached the house, he avoided the conversation and probing thoughts of his family by climbing the wall to his bedroom window. He slid the window open and climbed through, swiftly shutting it behind him. His body moved on its own, a routine it had perfected over the last 6 months. He first locked his door, then, slipped out of his clothes. He went over to his bed and pulled a long, white box out from underneath it. Inside was a long sleeved, cotton shirt. Dark in color and wrinkled with the force of hands crushing it, over and over. Bringing the shirt to his nose he inhaled, while grasping his already hard manhood. Squeezing and pumping, over and over at lightning speed. Finally he reached his peak and grunted into the shirt, his venom spilling over his hand. Edward breathed a sigh of relief, and laid the shirt gently back in its box, sliding the box under his bed. His stood, legs shaky from the power of the brief but strong orgasm and grabbed a tissue off his nightstand, wiping away his seed with a hint of distaste. Wrapping a towel around his waist, he opened his door to make his way to the bathroom for a shower.
In the hallway, stood his father, Carlisle.
Carlisle stared at Edward, with a fierce expression Edward couldn't read or understand. Carlisle was blocking his thoughts, and Edward didn't know what was going on in the older vampire's mind. Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped, thought better of it and turned around. He walked away in the direction he came, at a speed that made his form invisible.