Title: Male Pattern Baldness and Ziva
Pairing: established McGee/Tony/Ziva
Rating: FR7
Genre: Episode Tag, Humor, (slight) Romance
Cat: Threesome/Moresome
Spoilers: Tag for Devil's Triangle.
Warnings: None.
Summary: Ziva has a word with her partners about their hair.
Author's Note: Yeah, more McTiva. I can't help it. They keep giving me such excellent fodder. And this needed to be written. (Also, I was watching the season 4 cast roundtable last night and one of the questions asked was what aspect of Tony MW wanted to see explored. He said, "Male pattern baldness," and I cracked up. Finally, the writers gave in. :D)

Ziva glanced over at McGee's desk as they worked, catching him checking his reflection on the back of a CD, his fingers running over his hair. She rolled her eyes; Tony certainly had a way of making him self-conscious.

Her gaze then drifted to her other partner's desk, where she found him holding up one of the hairs from his shower drain (and she didn't even have to say how utterly disgusting it was that he brought his drain catcher into work, but then, it was Tony) and staring at it with a depressed look on his face. She let out an exasperated sigh and stood up, unable to take it any longer.

"Tony, McGee," she said, her voice stern. They looked up, surprised. "With me." The two men shared a curious look before standing and following, cautious about what she had planned.

Ziva led them to an empty interrogation room, which did nothing to soothe the men's minds. "Uh, Ziva?" McGee asked, and she turned to face them, her arms crossed over her chest.

"You are both being ridiculous," she said, and Tony let out a sigh.

"But it's my hair, Zeev!" he said, sounding like he wanted to start crying. "My lifeblood, the defining trait of my adult life . . ." He trailed off at the withering glare Ziva was giving him and cleared his throat. "Okay, so maybe not the defining trait . . ."

Ziva turned her attention to McGee, who had remained quiet, but kept petting his head, as if that would keep his hair from doing a disappearing act. "Tim?"

His shoulders slumped. "Is it really noticeable?"

Ziva tossed her head back and let out a strangled noise of frustration. "Hair is not important! I would not care if either of you went completely bald, or if you grew your hair out and wore it in a braid every day! That is not what attracted me to you, to either of you." Her expression grew softer and she took one of their hands in each of hers. "I love you for what is inside, not what is up here." She reached up then and ruffled their heads, grinning, but then her smile turned thoughtful as she pulled her hands away.

"What?" McGee asked, and shared a worried glance with Tony.

She shook her head. "It is nothing."

Tony stared at her. "No, no, clearly it's something, Miss You're-Being-Ridiculous. Spit it out. You felt it, didn't you? The lack of lush locks I once possessed, and the fact that McDiet's stomach isn't the only thing receding?"

"Hey!" McGee said, his hand returning to his head.

"No!" Ziva said, then paused. "Well, okay, I did notice that your hair was not as . . . fluffy as it once was, Tony." McGee shot Tony a triumphant look, but it faded away as Ziva continued. "And your forehead is perhaps becoming a bit more noticeable, Tim, but like I said, I do not care about that! And neither should either of you. Unless you are trying to catch someone's attention . . ."

"What? No!"

"Of course not!"

Ziva smiled at the automatic reactions of disbelief from her partners. "Then it should not matter. To either of you. And Tony, I think you owe Tim an apology."

"For what?" Tony said, his eyes wide.

She stepped closer to him, muttering, "You know how sensitive he is."

"I heard that, Ziva," McGee said, glaring at her. He turned his attention to Tony. "Though I will gladly accept an apology."

Tony rolled his eyes, but turned to McGee. "I'm sorry." He couldn't keep a small grin from his face. "I think you're pretty damn cute no matter how much hair you have."

McGee returned the smile. "Same here, Tony. Apology accepted." They both turned to Ziva then and Tony said what they were both thinking.

"Though you better keep all that hair, Zee. I don't know about McGoo, but I like to have something to run my fingers through . . ."

McGee nodded his agreement and Ziva rolled her eyes, walking to the door. "I don't know why I even bother sometimes."

THE END!