I.
Why do gentlemen prefer blondes?

Historically, my preference has been blondes. Starting with Darla, continuing with the long line of woman I've raped and tortured, ending with Buffy- what is it with blondes?

In the jokes, the blondes are the superficial stupid ones, while the brunettes are the clever ones. It isn't so far from the truth. Blondes are rather superficial, or at least they do a good job acting that way. There are exceptions to every rule, but I highly doubt there's that many.

One exception to my rule of blondes was Dru. I do prefer the fair-haired, but she was just so tempting. A clean pure girl who needed a spanking. The chance to break her spirit was irresistible. Only afterwards did I realize what a mistake I'd made, turning her. I had her on my neck for half a century. I swore to myself that I'd never get involved with another brunette again.

But I seem to be breaking my rule again, a hundred years after Dru. Another brunette has caught my attention: the lovely, dangerous, scheming Miss Lilah Morgan. The first time I saw her, I wasn't in the greatest position, with my body all beaten up because of Angel's let's-let-everyone-punch-the-living-daylights-out-of-me-because-I'm-a-noble-creature game. I was busy struggling to break free of his precarious control when I caught sight of Miss Morgan. Haughty and dressed in an ass-kicking outfit, she looked cool as a cucumber and in control. I longed to release my pent-up energy on her and bloody her perfectly made-up face, and shove her to the floor and have my way with her. But Angel, the idiot, has too much self control to let that kind of thing happen, so he refused her offer of freedom and left the room.

I just knew I'd be seeing her again. I do love a good challenge, especially in the form of a beautiful, deadly woman.

He encountered Lilah many times after their first meeting. Angel professed disgust for her, while I professed lust. He unsuccessfully tried to quiet me, the little voice in his head. But sometimes late at night he gave in to my words, and imagined her.

On the occasions they met, the sexual tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Angel wanted her and she definitely wanted to give him a try. But Angel controlled himself, and left me frustrated and wanting.

When Angel first found out that Wesley was banging the lawyer, he couldn't help but think that he was a lucky bastard. Jealous, Angel criticized Wesley for sleeping with her. I was just startled to find out that Wesley had managed to get into her pants. Wesley, the stumbling, bumbling fool, always reading some demonic book and full of mythical crap. I hadn't thought that was Lilah's type. I guess that he really switched sides when Angel tried to kill him with that pillow (and yes, that was me enjoying some of the violence as well.)

I've been dying to get out and wreck some more havoc. The pillow incident was not enough. I hate being trapped in his body.

II.

I'm free now, but trapped in a cage. At least now I am in charge of the body, and no longer the pesky voice in his head. I've been in here for days upon sunless days. I want to go out and have a massacre in the night. The only fun I have now is messing with the minds of Angel's beloved patriots. The look on Wes' face when I told him that Lilah fucking him was the closest she could get to me was classic.

When I have no one to taunt, I reflect on my thoughts.

Lilah comes up often. Once I start a job I like to finish, and she is an unfinished job. The subtle games laced with sexual references and physical threats, Angel's intimidation, her firm backbone...

According to me, all women were meant as toys. You play with them, drop them, break them, then go out and buy another. I'm still not done playing with Lilah.

The brunette torments my consciousness. So when she drops in this morning to visit me in my cage, I am pleased to see her.

" The great Angelus," says Lilah, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"The Great Angelus," I repeat, with an emphasis on 'great'.

"Not so great locked up in the cage, huh?"

I lean close to the bars and meet her gaze

"Wanna come in and play?" I breathe to her. "Find out how great I am?"

Lilah's response is to back away from the cage and show off her mighty crowbar.

"You're gonna let me out? The mighty Fang Gang upstairs is gonna stop you."

"I disabled their camera. We're alone now. I want you to kill the Beast for me," Lilah says.

I make a show of thinking really hard about this. "And I would want to do that, because...? I'm evil, Lilah, in case you forgot, and I don't do stuff unless its...evil."

I attempt to give her a perky smile, similar to the one she had once given me. "Remember? Although tonight I don't smell Wesley on you, just sewage."

I wrinkle my nose. "Damn, you smell like you've been swimming in the Styx."

I lower my voice seductively. "Ever done it in the sewers?"

III.

I make an agreement with Lilah. She will let me out of the cage, and I will kill the Beast. In return, she will not turn me over the 'good guys' and I will not kill her.

She has me sign a contract. Slits my finger with a knife and makes me sign the paper with my blood. If I break the contract, all bets are called off and a locator spell will be activated, making me easy to find. If the Beast is not killed within four days, the locator spell will be activated. Lilah also places a magickal self-protection clause. If I attempt to hurt her, everything I do will be reflected upon myself. She gives me the nice example of chopping off her head. You don't want to lose your head as well, she says.

Then she stands back and lets me out of the cage, free into the night.

The first thing I do is have a nice meal on a young blonde teenager that had managed to escape the rest of the carnage. The second thing to do is to plot my way out of that contract. I don't really want to kill the Beast and end the night, but she has me cornered with that paper.

I lay low for a day or so, masterminding my plans. Then I head back to the Hyperion Hotel (how ironic, the sun of the dark days), the safest place for her to be.

The green demon is outside when I arrive. I approach him from behind and tap him on the shoulder. He turns around, opens his mouth to yell, but never gets a sound out as I twist his neck completely around
and leave him lying there with his head on backwards.

"Lorne, I didn't have the heart to tell you this before, but I never liked your singing." I say sadly.

I enter the hotel and smile at the fear on Fred and Cordelia (the wannabe blonde brunette)'s faces, but never on Lilah's. Connor attacks me with a crossbow, but I easily duck and throw him against the wall. Looks like Wesley and Gunn aren't hear, having left the women alone with only Connor to protect them. I grab the crossbow, shoot Connor through the forehead and turn to Fred with a grin. She backs away as Cordelia attempts to hit me with a statue over the head, and Lilah shoots at me with her gun.

Neither of their efforts hurt me, and Fred joins Connor on the floor. I pick up the statue Cordelia hit me with, and bash her skull in with it.

Then I turn to Lilah.

"You have five seconds to run."

She runs like hell. I follow leisurely.

IV.

I have Lilah pinned to the floor, staring up at me with a look of disgust on her face. I caught her on the fifth floor, attempting to make her way out of the hotel via a window and a rope. A very resourceful woman.

With a swift tear, I rip off her shirt. The corner is soaked with blood and I sniff at it. While I shove down her pants, Lilah manages to dig her nails into my hand hard enough to draw blood, and poke a finger into my eye, keeping up a steady stream of cursing. When I recoil, she attempts to kick me in the groin, but her pants are around her knees and restrict her movement. I push her back to the floor, and twist her wrist until it cracks. Lilah lets out a slight moan, and struggles desperately. I yank her panties down and lean over to whisper in her ear.

"Well, you never thought it was gonna end this way, eh? They're gonna find your dead naked body on the floor, and you know what they'll say? Do you know what Wesley will say?"

I shove into her. Lilah just doesn't know when to stop squirming and cussing. I am hoping for her to give up and cry. She never cracked. During the entire coupling, she never stops struggling.

Lilah also never does find out what they would say. I look her full in the eyes as I squeeze my hands around her neck, watching her slowly lose consciousness. I can feel the pressure on my own neck because of the clause, but since I don't breathe, it doesn't affect me. When she is finally dead, I bury my teeth in her neck and savor her sweet blood.

Pulling myself up and fastening my pants, I can hear Wesley calling for Lilah as he dashes up the stairs. Taking one last look at the corpse on the floor, I mentally chide myself. No more brunettes for you, Angelus, they really ruin the general order of things.

I pull apart the velvet purple curtains, open the window and wait till Wesley, followed closely by Gunn, runs into the room. Dramatically, I grin and step out of the window. Watch out, blondies, Angelus' back.