"Dear Korra. I miss you. It's not the same in Republic City without you. How are you feeling? Things are going well here. I just got a big contract to help redesign the city's infrastructure, so I'll be keeping pretty busy for a while."
"What a boring letter." Mako's voice cut through the scratching of her pen.
"What-? What are you doing here? What happened to your super secret 'Red Monsoon Hideout' mission you were so smug about last week?" Asami whirled around to glare, her effectiveness diminished because she was sitting, he was standing, and she had nearly sprayed ink everywhere in surprise. Still, she made sure to curl her long fingers into scare quotes as maliciously as possible.
"If you're trying to entice Korra into responding, might want to make things sound a bit more action-packed."
"Oh, I get it. Tired of getting out-sarcasmed by Beifong so you came here to pick on me." The retort ended lamely in a sigh. Things were action-packed. It's just that the action was less than thrilling these days.
"Sorry, Asami." Mako plopped down on the bed, sat cross legged. It irked her, his arrogant nonchalance with her and her space. He'd never really stopped acting like they were dating. "She never responded to mine is all. It still gets to me."
"Let me guess, yours began brilliantly with something like 'Sooo I'm not very good at writing letters… Blah blah blah Serious Mako attempting to make small talk, casually mentioning my important work but not going into details because it's toooo important." She smirked at his reddening face, moved to sit next to him on the bed because his irritating, self-inflated air also endeared him to her every time.
"I know. Believe me." Asami laughed and tried to scrub the ink smudges out of her palm. "How many of our conversations end, begin or consist of-"
"Korra. 100%."
"I think about her all the time. Wonder if she's okay." Know she's not. "But I can't tell her that in a letter. That wouldn't be helpful. That's not what she needs right now."
"Okay, so… What does she need right now?"
Asami thought. Out of Bolin, Mako and herself, she had the least claim to the Avatar's loyalty. Headstrong, powerful, rash, Korra was hardly the most savory of heroes. And a friendship between the two Eskimo sisters seemed unlikely at best. But for all her flaws (and despite identical and unfortunate taste in men), Korra had taken Asami in as family when she'd lost her own. Maybe she had more claim than she thought.
"She needs us to keep doing exactly what we're doing. We're watching out for Republic City. Bolin's helping out the Earth Kingdom. Holding down the fort till she's ready to come back."
Mako nodded, ever the one to accept anything sounding remotely like a battle speech. "I just wish we knew when that was gonna be."
"Me too." She brushed away the melancholy with a wry grin and pushed him up off the bed. "Now get outta here, goof, and let me finish my boring letter."
"Dear Korra,
I miss you. I could bore you with more details about what's been going on (or not going on) in Republic City, but it's tedious enough to have to live through it. I don't want to write it out in a letter. Bolin's traveling through the Earth Kingdom for Kuvira right now. (Do you get many letters from him? They're hilarious. He tries to sound so grown-up and important in them. Wonder where he learned THAT from... ) I see Mako on a pretty regular basis, and it's good to have him in town. No- that is NOT code for "we're getting back together." (I bet you wouldn't be surprised if it were, though. God, we three are the world's silliest love triangle.) I miss the gang. I miss life having a purpose that made sense.
Sorry. I'll shut up about that. Hmm… moving on to something less personal yet still of note… I'm thinking about getting a pet. Would that help me feel preoccupied? You have Naga. I miss that fluffy polar bear dog. I remember when I first saw you riding her. You'll laugh, but my first thought was how smelly that must be. Turned out she wasn't at all! Naga always smelled like you- plus a little dust.
Time to end this letter. It feels like one of those conversations where I selfishly do all the talking and the other person can't get a word in edgewise. You can put an end to that feeling by writing me back, you know… Just teasing you. Please get better soon. If there's anything I can do to help, you know I'm here. Wasting away. Okay, kidding again. Unless the guilting you is working.
Hug Naga for me,
Asami
Dear Korra,
I miss you. Even more than I had expressed in previous letters, because I found out from Tenzin how you were doing. It was a very emotionally confusing conversation for me. I was happy to hear you were considerably better, discouraged to hear you aren't all the way there yet, and definitely more than a little jealous that Tenzin has seen you since you left. I can't believe it's been almost a year. Are you the same Korra? I want to know what's changed and what hasn't. I don't care if you've become part catgator- I just want you back, whatever state you're in.
Speaking of letters- oh, we weren't? Well I was just thinking of all the letters I'm expecting from you to come pouring in any day now. You have the right address, don't you? It's on the envelope. I'll put a slip of paper inside this letter just in case the outside comes to you too weatherbeaten to read.
I've gotten a few unwanted letters in your absence. Every time I check the mail, I am both terrified and hopeful. I guess that proves what kind of world we live in, because the hope is never right. They're always from my father. Can I ask you a favor? When you get back, can you make an Avatar Decree or something for me? Prisoners shouldn't be allowed to write mail.
Come back. Mako's driving me crazy without you here to tease him with me.
All my love,
Asami
Korra,
I miss you. These are starting to feel less like one-sided conversations and more like me talking into the void.
Hello? Are you there?
-Asami
Dear Asami,
I'm sorry I haven't written to you sooner, but every time I've tried, I never know what to say. The past two years have been the hardest of my life. Even though I can get around fine now, I still can't go into the Avatar State. I keep having visions of Zaheer and what happened that day. Katara thinks a lot of this is in my head, so I've been meditating a lot, but sometimes I worry I'll never fully recover. Please don't tell Mako and Bolin I wrote to you and not them. I don't want to hurt their feelings, but it's easier to tell you about this stuff. I don't think they'd understand.
I'm not a void. Not yet. Please keep talking.
-Korra
The letter was burning a hole in her back pocket. She had pulled it out so many times that now it could stay there, folded up and secret, because the words were running through her mind.
Distant voices of benders practicing their forms wafted over on the breeze to where Asami sat, curled up against Korra's giant stone foot in Avatar Korra Park. The sun would soon set but the statue still emanated warmth. Or maybe the heat belonged to Asami, blushing from the letter like some preteen might fawn over a mover star. She didn't know how long she'd been sitting in the park, writing letter upon imaginary letter in her head.
When she'd checked her mail today, Asami realized she had held her breath for two years. Seeing Korra's handwriting, she could finally exhale. And she was giddy from the rush of oxygen.
Something red peeked through the white steps behind the statue, and it caught Asami's eye. Mako's red scarf. "Mako! MAKO!" She waved him over, jumping ridiculously up and down between two giant leg pillars.
"Asami!"
"Mako, you won't believe-"
"Please don't tell Mako and Bolin." Oops. The words came to her in Korra's voice.
"Won't believe what?"
"...I saw the most adorable turtleduck today, over there in that pond."
Mako went from smiling to expressionless.
"It was really cute."
"Yeah, we need to get you some excitement. Have you thought about trying the dating scene again?"
Asami made a face. "No, you've ruined me for men entirely, I'm afraid."
"Sorry to hear that. Well, in lieu of setting you up with one of a long line of admirers you have among my fellow police officers, I'll just have to settle with taking you out for dinner and catching up."
"I'd like that," she smiled.
"Although if 'catching up' consists of how many adorable turtleducks you've seen recently, you might want to consider politely listening as I regale you with all my adventures…"
Asami almost felt guilty for how guilty she didn't feel keeping her secret. But her mind was too taken up with thoughts of writing Korra back.
The two walked arm in arm as the sun gleamed its last and the sky dwindled into dusky twilight.
Dear Korra,
I can't believe this. I've been staring at this blank piece of parchment for 20 minutes. Full disclosure: I just started writing, hoping coherent thoughts would come to me, because I want to respond to your letter as soon as possible.
Thanks for writing. I know I can't fully appreciate just how difficult it was for you to send me something. Please know that it means a lot to me that you did. Now come back. PLEASE. I was just having an internal struggle with what I 'should' write vs. what I want to say to you, and I realize that the last thing you need is me using formality in my address.
I want to take you to this perfect noodle place I found, just around the corner from house. I haven't even taken Mako, and I probably won't- you remember the way he slurps his noodles. Drives me insane. I want to go with you to Air Temple Island and play with Tenzin's kids. I can never bring myself to go there anymore because I just end up missing you more. I want to hug you and tell you that you don't have to be the same Korra you were before your encounter with Zaheer. You probably never will be the same. That doesn't mean you won't recover. But, as you're already painfully aware, it will take a really, really long time.
Katara's right. Of course it's in your head. But that's the scariest place for things to be not right. Why are you meditating? How will spending more time alone in your head make you less prone to being terrified of what's lurking there? Come here. Come back. We don't need you to be whatever you think you need to be before you see us again. I want you however you are.
It's a strange transition. You're the Avatar. You're so used to being needed, and until a couple years ago you've been up to any and every task. Come home, and I promise I will prove to you that being wanted is so much better than being needed. We'll figure it out together.
I don't want to be alone anymore.
-Asami
"Alright. Time to go. I shouldn't have even been away for this long, what with Prince Wu getting kidnapped-"
"Yeah, nice going Mako. You can never let him go to the bathroom alone again."
Asami giggled. Mako glared.
"You know, I thought I missed jabs like that. Turns out I didn't at all."
Korra had gotten up to make tea, and whirled around to face her two friends. Her blue eyes flashed underneath a mess of newly shortened hair. ("Loving the new hair." Asami had told her. She thought she'd seen Korra blush and was holding onto the memory.) "Ah, come on. You missed me. It's good to be back. I'm looking forward to seeing your relationship with the Prince blossom…" She winked at Asami, who took the alley-oop.
"I'd ship it."
They both laughed, harder than was actually proportionate. Asami knew why; it was just so good to double-team Mako like this again. He never got this steamed when Asami would try to tease him on her own.
"Ugh. You two seriously need to be separated. You coming back with me to your place, Asami? ...Asami?"
Asami started. She'd been watching Korra boil the water and get the pot ready, wanting to absorb every one of her movements.
Korra turned back after hearing Mako call for Asami's attention the second time.
She was looking at Korra when she spoke. "Well, I was sort of thinking I'd-"
"Asami's gonna stay here tonight. Sleepover!"
"Yeah. But we'll see you tomorrow, Mako."
"Oh, I get it. Girl talk. Okay. See you tomorrow." He got up brusquely, hugged the both of them and left. Asami briefly wondered if he was thinking about the letter she'd gotten, and the letter he hadn't.
"Tea!" Korra handed her a cup and sat next to her. Neither spoke. As Asami sipped her too-hot tea, feeling uncomfortable static grate against the space between them like an unscratchable itch, Korra leaned in to rest her head on Asami's shoulder.
Her last letter's words, still unanswered even though Korra was right here, next to her, echoed back, a vulnerable embarrassment so tangible she thought Korra might have heard it, too. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
Asami tilted her head back and gulped the rest of the tea. It still scalded her throat as she stood. "I'm tired, Korra. We should both get some sleep before tomorrow."
Korra had either cocked her head or Asami had gotten up so quickly that she hadn't changed its position yet. She raised an eyebrow.
Not to be outdone, Asami raised one back.
"You can take that room next to mine." Korra offered, nodding to her left. "I'm not tired just yet."
"I'd try and tell you you need to rest, but we both know you don't have the best track record of listening." She wanted to smash the tea cup against her head. What was meant as a lighthearted tease came out sounding bitter and childish. "Didn't mean that. Night, Korra." Asami ducked into her room before Korra could answer. Something told her that counting all the koala sheep in the world wouldn't get her to close her eyes tonight.
Asami watched the candle flicker in the next room. It was well into the wee small hours, and she'd been watching it for an hour at least, willing herself to go towards the light. Stop thinking. Just go.
Her bare feet touched the cold ground, and she walked over to the door frame. Korra was sitting in the far corner, hunched over candlelight and parchment paper, and Asami stopped, content again to observe her friend from a distance.
"Sorry, were you sleeping?" Korra turned to peer into the shadowy doorway. You can't sneak up on the Avatar.
Asami shook her head. "I couldn't." She came closer to the light. "What are you reading?"
Korra smiled and gathered up the papers, embarrassed. "Nothing. Okay, not nothing. Your letters."
"What?"
"I read them a lot, when I was away. Force of habit, I guess, still reading them when you're 20 feet away." She ran her hands through her hair and tried to smile again.
"If you read them so often, why'd you never take the time to respond?"
"Asami, I-"
"After that last one I sent you, I didn't even have a return address anymore. I couldn't even send you an angry letter."
"I'm sorry."
"These three years I've been in limbo, waiting for you to just respond, let alone come back. Trying to be all the things you came to depend on me for- supportive, understanding, patient. But you took that away from me, too. I get one letter. One. And then, nothing. Do you know how, how-"
"Humiliating that is?"
Asami closed her mouth to avoid looking like a drowning fish.
"I don't. Clearly, because it's my fault you felt that way. I'm sorry. I remember what you said. 'I don't want to be alone anymore.' I thought I was reading my own words. That was exactly how I felt."
"How could I have known that?" Asami was rapidly running out of ammunition, but not out of emotions. She turned away from Korra, letting her long hair fall across her face to hide the tears.
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Asami. I don't have an excuse. Your letters… Every time I got one, things were actually bearable for a little while. You helped me believe I could get better." Korra stood up. "And as prissy and elegant as you look with that side-profile stance, I know you're crying, dummy." She threw her arms around her.
"No, Korra." Asami sniffled into Korra's hair. "You don't get to do this. It's not fair."
Korra just hugged her tighter and laughed. She could feel her shake with the sound. "I don't get to do what? Tell my best friend I'm sorry I was a horrible person? Hope she forgives me?"
"Yeah. You're supposed to be angry back at me and we're supposed to be in a fight right now and you're definitely not supposed to smell this nice."
"Okay, stop. You're making me blush again."
"Again?" Though Asami didn't want the hug to end, she was also aware it had gone on well past proper duration.
"Thanks, Asami. For everything." It was Korra who pulled away first, so she could look at Asami when she said it.
"You really owe me, huh?"
Korra laughed. "Should we go to bed? I bet you Mako's gonna be here bright and early to get back at us for making him feel left out."
"It would be a good idea… If I thought I could sleep."
"I kind of feel the same way… Tell you what. Let's both sleep in my bed. We can talk until we both fall asleep."
This time, Asami blushed. She was glad she was just enough out of the candlelight's reach for Korra to miss it. "I'd like that."
Naga was snoring gently in the corner of Korra's room.
"I call big spoon!" Korra whispered as they got under the covers.
"Okay, weirdo. You're getting the short end of that deal, anyway."
Korra's breath was hot on the back of Asami's neck. "Debatable. What should we fall asleep talking about?"
"Hmm… How about you narrate all the letters you would have sent to me?" She gave Korra's hand the briefest of squeezes.
"Oh, good one. Okay. Here goes. Dear Asami…"
Drifting through warm dreams, now and then surfacing pleasantly to Korra sleeping against her, Asami woke when she felt a strange pressure crawling up her legs.
"Rohan… Rohan…!" Ikki's voice, from somewhere else in the house.
"Korra?"
"Mmm...nnnghhhhghssshhh…" Korra burrowed further into the covers and rolled over into Asami's side.
Asami opened her eyes. Rohan blinked back at her.
"JIIIINORAAAA! IIIIIIKKIIIIII! Over here!" Meelo's large, comical head had peeked from around the corner. "Asami and Korra made a baby!"
Asami could hear and feel Korra's guffaws from underneath the covers. Asami herself half-choked and abruptly sat up.
"That's not how making a baby works, Meelo." Jinora's voice condescended behind him.
"But they're grownups in bed! You told me that's how it works."
Jinora flushed crimson. "I didn't tell you anything! STOP BEING SO INQUISITIVE!"
"Oooh, Jinora learned a fancy new word and is trying to show it off." Ikki came careening for the doorframe and the three children tumbled through.
"You two are insufferable." Jinora, trying to look as dignified as possible while disentangling herself from the pile of siblings, brushed herself off and stalked away as the other two sniggered.
"Insufferable! Another big word!"
"Snuffable!" Rohan gurgled enthusiastically from Asami's lap.
"Food's ready!" Pema called from the kitchen.
That was the right signal to get Korra out from her cocoon. After Rohan tumbled out of the bed to run off with his brother and sister, Asami turned to Korra and ruffled her already mussed bed head. "Come on, sleepy. Let's eat."
Korra had been feigning lethargy. In a flash, she was up, throwing the blanket over Asami's head. "Way ahead of you, slow poke."
With a muffled cry and a dash, Asami caught up with Korra's stride. They could hear Tenzin's harried voice trailing off in dialogue with Meelo.
"Dad, how are babies made? Do they come from beds?"
"Meelo, now is definitely NOT the time-"
Korra's lips brushed Asami's ear. "Breakfast and a show." She whispered.
It's a date, Asami thought as the two crossed the threshold together.