It's All In A Name
Written for the All I Want For Christmas Challenge for The Reviews Lounge.
James sat under a tree, scowling into the blank, white landscape. His breath came out in small puffs dissolving into the cold air moments later. The weather greatly reflected his mood; a threatening storm cloud, almost ready to burst.
I hate it he thought angrily as he stood up, brushing snow of his robes.
"I HATE IT!" he yelled in frustration, his fist colliding with the tree. The skin scraped painfully off his knuckles.
"What'd you hate? The tree?" a familiar voice said behind him. He scowled at the intruder. Teddy Lupin sat down and pulled James down next to him unperturbed by the fierceness of the young boy's glare. His hair was a festive green, indicating the closeness to Christmas.
"You didn't answer my question."
"Don't wanna." Eleven-year-old James had always idolised Teddy. His admiration had only grown once he'd come to Hogwarts. Teddy, a seventh year always had time for his young friend and James had often confided in him, whether he had wanted to or not. Not this time. He wouldn't understand.
"That's fine. What do you want to talk about?" Teddy smiled at him, James looked away grumpily. He shrugged. Teddy seemed content with that and for some time they sat in silence, side by side. James bit his lip determinedly; Teddy wasn't going to get this one out of him. The silence began to press against him; he struggled with it, silently begging Teddy to speak, to end the silence.
"My name." James gave in. "I hate my name."
"Well did you ask Santa for a new one?" James scowled, Teddy's smiling face became serious, "because it isn't yours?" he asked kindly.
James stared up at him, his hazel eyes wide with surprise. "How'd you know?"
Teddy winked, "it's a secret." Hazel eyes narrowed. "You're not the only one to of felt that James. Do you want to talk about it?"
"Sometimes I think I hate them too."
"Your parents?"
James nodded, "and everyone really." He sighed. "I just want a normal Christmas for once." Tears threatened to appear, he blinked rapidly and let out a mournful sniff. Teddy patted his back.
"I don't really hate them" James explained carefully, "I just hate being a Potter."
"Is that why you stayed at Hogwarts for Christmas?"
"Yeah, so I could be someone else. Have a different name for once…but everyone here knows. They know my name…his name." the last part was spat bitterly, "James Potter"
"You don't think much of him do you?"
"No that's not...it's just…he was so great. He had everything; he was a Maurauder, Quidditch Captain, Head Boy…He fought against Voldemort. He died to save Dad and Grandma Potter. He was really smart and everything. They both were. And Dad. He's the Harry Potter, the Chosen One or whatever they used to call him.
"People expect me to be like them. Like all of them. McGonagall actually came and talked to me about my schoolwork, to see if there was a problem…she was so disappointed that I'm not smart like them…I can't be all of them Ted. But they expect me to. The Maurauders, Grandma Potter, Dad, all of them. And when I'm not it's always 'so you take after the Weasley side.' Then there are even more people to live up to. There's nothing left for just me to be. And that's what I am. Nothing."
There were tears trickling down his cheeks, he made no attempt to wipe them away.
"I don't want to be me anymore."
There was silence as Teddy rocked him gently, like he had when James was tiny and had fallen off his toy broomstick or had a run in with Crookshanks.
"Everyone has people to live up to, Kid. Look at me: Orphan of War Heroes. People expect a lot of me. My father was a Maurauder too remember. It's pretty obvious which parts of me are my mum and which parts are my dad." He smiled ruefully tugging on his now sandy brown locks, "It took some time but I'm proud of those parts of me now. Even the werewolf part. You're not nothing. You're James. My little brother who people think is amazing. Not because of who your family is or what they did. Not because of your name but for who you are." James sighed, "you really think so?"
"yeah, I do. James you're a great kid. You're fantastic at Quidditch…" James rolled his eyes, "so were heaps of people in my family"
"Then be grateful they gave you good genes that let you be great at something you love… and don't try and tell me you don't love quidditch because I know you do." It had begun to snow gently, "we should get inside." Teddy said looking up at the sky, which was threatening to break. They made their way back to the castle, Teddy continued his talk, "You're expected to be them. So what? It's mostly because people see qualities in you that they saw in your parents, or grandparents"
"Or Aunts or Uncles, or Cousins…" James muttered, but he was half smiling.
"Exactly, show them you are like your family. There is nothing wrong with that. But remember you are your own person. And you can be different if you want." They parted in the Great Hall. As Teddy turned toward the library he called over his shoulder, "You're more like your family than you think James."
"Yeah right." James muttered as he headed for the kitchens. He was starving. Along the way he decided maybe he didn't need a new name after all…maybe he could get the latest Firebolt instead.