Hellooo!! This has some serious OOC. . .
Fang: Oh no..
Me: Say hello to Shakira obsession! Her hips don't lie!!
Fang: Double oh no…
Me: Haha, yes.
I wrote this in honor of Thanksgiving, so enjoy it! I love you allllllll!!! *hands out virtual turkeys* There! Merry Turkey Day!!
Disclaimaaaaaaaa: I don't own Mr. Wish I did, but I don't. Boo.
I was awakened to loud music. More specifically, the song "Fergalicious." But it wasn't Fergie's voice I was hearing - it was Fang's.
"Emolicious, definitious, make them girls go loco! They always claim they know me, comin' to me, call me Fangie, I'm the F to the A N G the I the E, and can no other bird kid put it down like me, I'm emolicious!" he sang, parading down the hallway, in all black of course, but I swore I had seen sequins. . .
"Maaaax!!!" Iggy sang, coming into my room. Wait - Iggy SANG? First, Fang singing "Emolicious," and then Iggy singing and bringing me breakfast in bed. Things were getting weird. Wait - were those eggs? I'd worry about the weirdness going on in my household after I had some of Iggy's homemade eggs.
"So, Max, do you like it?" Iggy asked, his eyes hopeful. I raised an eyebrow and nodded.
"Yeah, it's good. Are you wearing Nudge's pink scarf?"
"Mmhmm! Do you like it? I thought maybe it would be too pushy, but then I just decided that I'd wear it anyway. Do you know what I mean?" he fingered the sparkly material, while I just stared at him, my fork halfway to my mouth, eggs loaded onto it. What. Was. Going. On?
"ZOMG!" I heard Angel yell. "TAYLOR LAUTNER IS ON MTV!!! OH MY GODOHMYGODOHMYGODMHMYGOD!!!!"
Iggy squealed loudly and pealed out of the my bedroom and raced into the living room where he promptly began to drool over the TV, and a certain buff werewolf. Angel was sighing at the computer, and Nudge was wearing all black, sitting in a corner, trying to slit her wrists with a banana. Wait - since when was Nudge emo? That was Fang's gig.
"Life sucks! I wanted to slit my wrists with razor blades, but I couldn't, 'cos Fang hid them all! So he gave me this banana instead, but it's not working!!!!" she wailed, still slicing at her wrist with the fruit. I smacked my forehead. Something seriously wrong was going on inside the Ride household.
"Oh my God, I heard Taylor Lautner's name! He's SUCH a cutie pie!" Fang squealed, sitting next to Iggy on the floor in front of the TV. "I'd SO hit that."
"Yeah, with my car," I muttered, wondering what the H was going on. And then Gazzy walked into the room. And as you can probably imagine, everything went downhill from there.
" RRRRRIIIIIDDDDEEEEE!!!!" he bellowed, his voice higher than normal. I grimaced.
"Yeah sweetie?" I asked, fearing for the worst.
"ANGEL STOLE MY HAIRBRUSH, AND GOT ALL HER HAIR IN IT!! YOU NEED TO YELL AT HER BEFORE I FEEL THE URGE TO STRANGLE HER!!!" he yelled. I noticed his outfit for the first time - he was wearing pink. Actually, all pink. And high heels. And Nudge's favorite pink dress. And hair clips. That sparkled. Oh dear. Oh my God. Oh Lord. Someone just kill me now. I knew a nine year old cross-dresser. I nine year old cross-dresser THAT I HAD RAISED. This was very, very very veryveryvery bad. And strange, but bad.
"Um, Angel, did you use Gazzy's hairbrush?" I asked, my voice shaky. Fang turned to glare at me.
"Max, shut up. Shakira's on. Do not interrupt me again unless the world is ending or you have an extreme interest in death. Got it? Good." he turned back around, leaving me more confused than ever. He had been acting gay, and now he was admitting his crush on Shakira. I mean, what's wrong with me?! My hips don't lie either!!!
I sighed and sat down on the couch next to Nudge, who was still trying to cut herself with that banana. She glared at me as I sat down, paused, then threw the banana at me. It smashed into my face, leaving it AND my hair a mess. Well, messier than it already was. What was going on? I was going crazy. This was all a dream. I was dreaming. Yeah. I really, really hoped to God that I was dreaming.
Suddenly, the world strarted to shake, and a voice above me started to chant, "MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX MAX. . ." I was going insane! They'd finally driven me to insanity and beyond!! I was losing my grip on reality, I was - waking up.
"Huh?" I muttered. I looked up. The world had stopped shaking, and the chanting had stopped. Fang was on his knees, next to my bed, his arm on my shoulder. I supposed he was the one who had been trying to shake me awake. So...it had been a dream?
"Fang? Shakira's hips don't lie."
"What?"
"Do you have a crush on Shakira? Or Taylor Lautner?" Fang raised his eyebrows at me.
"Um, no. We're taking off those flu meds, okay? I mean, I don't want you dying of the swine flu or something like that, but that stuff is making you say weird things. . ."
I smiled. "Not weird things, just weird...dreams. That's all. Can you bring me some soup?"
Fang grinned, making my heart melt. "Yeah. I'll make it. You know how Iggy hates that mechanically separated chicken. . . " So it had been a dream. Good. Fang kissed my forehead and walked out of the room, but not before I heard him humming a song - Fergalicious.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I AM SHEAR GENIUS!!
Fang: A crush on Shakira? Good God, woman.
Me: What?! THE WOMAN'S HIPS DON'T LIE!!!
Fang: *facepalm*
Me: Ooh, nice, that sounded like it hurt.
Fang: *facepalms. Again.*
Anyway, this is a oneshot. I got the mechanically separated chicken thing from Saint, and the emolicious thing from my friends...oh, the things that they call me. Maybe the black nail polish helps. . . Review, if you want to, or throw fish at me, if you want to. I don't care. Whateva. Luv ya! *winks*
-G