This is Why Ohio is Against My Religion, and Therefore Should Be Removed so that it Stops Violating My Safe Space, by Dickfart
"Stick your finger deep into my pooper, Eric," said Butters.
"Dude, gross," said Cartman.
"Please, Eric? If you don't stick your finger into my pooper, I'll get grounded."
"No, Butters. That's GAY."
WEE OOO WEE OOO WEE OOO
"I've detected a problem in the South Park fandom," said agent SafeSpace.
"We've come to terminate it at once," said agent AntiCisScum.
"Ay, who invited these fags?" said Cartman. "Seriously, I'm getting pissed off!"
"'Fag' is an offense slur used against the LGBTQQIP2SAA community and has thereby been terminated from safe language," said SafeSpace.
"Yeah," said AntiCisScum. "And besides. You calling the act of fellatio upon your non-gender-assumed sexual partner of consensual choice's anus "gay" implies that the bisexual and pansexual communities don't exist. This is highly problematic and we'll have to suspend your tumblr licenses until further notice, for the time being that is."
"Oh please don't do that ladies and/or gentlemen," said Butters. "If my tumblr license gets suspended, I'll get grounded."
"Check your cis white privilege," said SafeSpace, confiscating Butters' license.
"Expect to receive 8 billion more comments about this stating the exact same things we just told you from other keyboard warriors," said AntiCisScum.
"Suck my balls!" said Cartman.
"Oh, normalizing rape culture to get one up on us now?" said SafeSpace. "Typical cis male heteronormative toxic masculinity."
"Take him away, children of tumblr!" said AntiCisScum. An army of featureless robots, about the height of the average South Park sixth grader, took Cartman away kicking and screaming.
"You can't do this to me! I'll make you eat your parents! Respect my authoritah!"
"Have YOU got anything to say, fedora wearing shitbag fuckwaffle?" said AntiCisScum to Butters.
"Oh no, fellow human being and/or otherkin. I am grounded enough thank you."
"Hmph, I suppose we'll kill you last," said SafeSpace, and then they left to micro-manage language on the Internets some more. Their conquest to kill all men in the world through badly written one line political textposts on tumblr with no capitalization was not getting them very far, but it was pissing the rest of the Internet off nonetheless.
"BUTTERS! Did I hear you were the last to be killed by SJW tumblr trolls AND you lost your tumblr license?"
"Yes, sir," said Butters to his dad.
"Bu-TTERS! You're GROUNDED!"
"Aww hamburgers," said Butters, and he locked himself in his room forever.
The End