Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Genre: Humour
Set sometime during season two.
Summary: Ianto makes up songs when he's down in the archives. The team tries to catch him in the act. Oh, and Gwen's being cheeky.
"So, what do we know so far?" Gwen asked, smiling gratefully at Ianto as he handed her a steaming cup of coffee. They'd all gathered in Jack's office, having just returned from capturing an alien a few miles outside of Cardiff.
"Well, she's definitely alien," Jack said, leaning back into his chair, fingertips against each other.
"Ah yes, blue skin and gills are always a dead give away," Ianto snarked, putting his tray under his arm. Jack rolled his eyes, mock-glaring at him. Ianto quirked his lips up in a small smile, fingers tapping the edge of the tray.
"Has Torchwood encountered anything like this before?" Tosh asked. "Further back than the contents of the database?"
"Not that I can remember," Jack said, shrugging. They all turned to Ianto.
"I'll be downstairs," he said, nodding at them before leaving.
"Have you ever followed Ianto down to the archives?" Jack asked, following the coffee boy with his eyes, leaning forward to get a better look before he disappeared out of sight.
"I seriously don't want to know," Owen said, raising his hands.
"You mean the singing-thing?" Tosh asked with a smile, eyes sparkling mischievously.
"He sings?" Jack beamed. "I've only heard him talking to himself."
"I went down to ask if he needed help with the inventory a few months ago-" Tosh began.
"We do inventory?" Jack said, feigning surprise. "I'm kidding," he defended himself at the others expressions.
"Yes, Jack, we do," Toshiko told him firmly. "While you trace rift activity that is surprisingly invisible to the rest of us," she muttered. Jack didn't even have the decency to look sheepish, instead shrugging. "Anyways, he didn't hear me coming, and when I got closer I heard him singing to himself," she finished simply.
"What song?" Gwen asked, a grin slowly spreading.
"Um, I think he was just making it up as he went along. It had the same melody as Englishman in New York." Tosh frowned. "I think the chorus went something like 'Oh-wow counting aliens. I am counting aliens. Drinking coffee and counting stuff.' Then I don't really remember the rest," she said apologetically.
"Please tell me we have CCTV-footage of this," Jack begged as Owen laughed.
"Sorry," Tosh shook her head. "I checked," she confessed. "He's removed the sound." Jack had added sound recording after they'd caught Ianto hiding a cyborg in the basement.
"Clever little tea-boy," Owen snorted. "Sure you can't remember anything else?" he pressed her.
"Um." Tosh narrowed her eyes. "The first verse. Let's see..." She thought for a few seconds. "I'm in the archives organising stuff," she sang softly. "Counting, cleaning, filing files." She paused. "Sorry, can't really remember more."
"He's just full of surprises, isn't he?" Jack grinned.
"Well, you'd know," Gwen sassed. "I'd thought you'd seen it all by now," she added, making Jack's grin widen.
"Most things," he confided, winking at her. "Once, when we were in my office, and I had these clips, we-"
"I want a raise," Owen complained, covering his ears. "And retcon," he added.
Gwen's eyes lit up excitedly as a thought struck her. "Can't we check the live CCTV ?"
They all froze for a moment before running down to Tosh's workstation as she had the best speakers, Jack having installed them a few months ago to be able to play loud music on occasion.
Why he hadn't installed them in his own office remained a mystery.
After a few seconds they saw Ianto flipping through some papers. They held their breath as Owen turned up the sound.
"Is that 3? The Britney Spears song?" Gwen asked before she got shushed by the others.
"One two three, I've been organizing thee. Good thing my OCD, or this would be a nightmare. Counting one two three, gotta find this stuff with gills. Coffee is a fucking thrill. Everybody loves the archives." He swayed a bit as he sang, looking perfectly content. He began whistling, taking a few dance steps as he he skimmed through the page in his hand.
"That's it, he's getting a raise," Jack decided.
"As far as I'm told, you give him that on a daily basis," Gwen smirked.
"Ooh, sassy! I like it," Jack laughed, nudging her.
"For god sake, woman!" Owen shouted.
"He's coming back up!" Tosh warned them. They ran back up to Jack's office, quickly taking their seats. A few moments later Ianto walked in, a cup in one hand and a brown file in the other.
"I've found a mentioning of something similar," Ianto said, throwing the file on the table before taking a seat. "They have gills but their skin is green."
"Good work, Ianto!" Jack enthused. "Have some coffee." Ianto gave him a look, taking an exaggerated sip from his steaming cup, hitching an eyebrow at his... whatever.
"Yes, have some coffee," Owen encouraged. "I'm told it's a real thrill." Ianto froze momentarily, then rolled his eyes.
"You lot should be glad I'm here or you'd get nothing done. Don't," he warned Jack, raising a finger.
"You do a lot of things though, don't you Ianto?" Gwen said, barely containing her giggles, eyes flickering to Jack's smug face before cracking up.
"I'm great at multitasking," Ianto deadpanned, hiding a smile in his cup.