Disclaimer: I own nothing, J.K. Rowling owns the wonderful HPverse, I'm just borrowing it for a bit of fun, and fully intend on returning it with as little harm as possible.

Remus eyed the young man sitting beside him warily. He really did just want to enjoy his drink. Damn werewolf metabolism wouldn't let him get drunk, but he could at least make himself tipsy, and he wanted to enjoy doing that.

The man smiled. Remus just looked at him. The man introduced himself as Robert and offered to buy Remus a drink. Remus nodded and let the man prattle on about himself and why he was there while Remus lost himself in his drink once again thinking about the situation he found himself in and the past he longed for. The time when he was whole. When he had Sirius.

If he thought hard enough, he could almost see Sirius sitting on his unoccupied side laughing at his latest joke. It was almost as though Remus could feel his heart breaking all over again when he realized that it wasn't true, he would never see, hear or touch Sirius again. Damn Harry Potter.

Remus sighed to himself as he quietly left the hospital wing. He'd been in the room throughout Bill and Harry's reunion and Harry's subsequent departure but as usual, no one seemed to notice his presence.

He really was a shadow.

For once he was able to make it to his rooms without a single staircase moving, it was as though the castle could sense his sadness, his despair. Once he reached his chambers, he looked around at the room that he'd inhabited for over a year now and even though it had his few belongings in various places (which he'd gotten more of since he finally had a decent job), it still didn't feel like home. It didn't feel like him, or his friends or his family. But they were gone, all of them. Not one was coming back. Even his visits with Severus as of late were few and far between.

His eyes landed on a picture of him, James, Peter and Sirius at their graduation causing a small tear to trickle out of the worn man's eye. With a small smile of resignation, he decided on a course of action.

He walked as quickly as he could manage with his leg and no cane over to his desk and grabbed a blank scroll.

Albus,

I know that I told you I would be happy to supervise Harry's classes for awhile, but I must beg some time off. I have some where more pressing to be at the moment and must leave. I have no idea when I shall return. Please understand.

Remus

He folded the parchment up and grabbed a candle that was nearby using the wax to seal it. After it had cooled slightly, he etched his initials into the wax and laid it on his desk. He stood upright and looked around once more. There was nothing that he needed immediately so he just picked up his wand and began casting spells to shrink and pack his belongings. Once he'd gotten everything into his trunk (which had several hidden compartments so that he could fit everything), he made the bed and placed the trunk on top of it. He would be able to return and pick it up if he needed to, or it would be ready for him to unpack when he returned. With a snap of his fingers a house elf appeared and Remus instructed it to deliver the letter to the Headmaster post haste.

With one final look to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything, he grabbed his cloak and fastened it, making sure to pull the cowl up. As he stepped out of his doors, he cast the charm to change the password on the door and did so, he only hoped he remembered it when he returned.

Humming softly to himself, he secured his wand and headed for the great doors. Not surprisingly, not one person seemed to find him or deter him in any way as he made his way out of the castle, down the main walk and out the front gates.

Tonight, Remus would be free. He planned on getting severely pissed and forgetting himself. There was no need to be reminded of one's weaknesses, shortcomings or losses and he would forget them even if it meant asking someone to obliviate him.

His first stop, would be the Hogshead. And so would begin the end of his old life and perhaps a new Remus would emerge from all the pain he would once again endure at reliving every memory he had and then letting it disappear into nothingness with each swallow of whiskey that flowed down his throat.

Remus shook his head to rid himself of that thought. It wasn't Harry's fault. He was just an angry, bitter, lonely old man and needed to get over the fact that he was jealous of his best friend's son and his one time lover's godson. Holding such a petty grudge wasn't in Remus' nature but he resented Harry nonetheless. Harry seemed to always be at the center of whatever was hurting Remus and he hated the younger man for it. Ever since Harry's third year when he'd found out the truth about Sirius. He'd thought he'd finally gotten his lover back, only to have Sirius constantly reminding him that he was worried about Harry and was Harry okay and Harry needed him. The next thing he knew, Sirius was gone, and it was all because Harry couldn't control himself. Then, Harry had actually stolen half his job! And now, he knew it was only a matter of time before he lost Severus to the younger man as well. He could practically taste the attraction the two held for each other the smell was so strong. And sod it all, Harry had Bill Weasley. Didn't the brat see how much Bill loved him? How much he cared for him? How much he was willing to sacrifice for him? He had witnessed the entire break up in the Hospital ward unbeknownst to both participants and it sickened him the way Harry acted as though he was the only person in the universe. As though everything and everyone should act exactly as Harry wanted. No one had that kind of control over anything. And yet, he was willing to throw it all away.

Remus wished someone cared for him as Bill cared for Harry. Of course, he had that once. Sirius wanted him for who he was regardless of what he was. And now, he was gone. Remus had nothing. He finished his drink. Remus snorted, he really had lost everything when he lost Sirius. He'd given up so much. At least with Sirius, they were equals. With Severus, Severus had to be in charge with everything. There was no common ground.

Remus smirked and turned to face the man sitting next to him. Robert hadn't even noticed that he'd zoned out. Well, not very many people did notice him, sometimes he felt like he was just stopped. Just there, watching everything happen, no one noticing him and yet everyone noticing him. It was just strange, at least to Remus. Well, no matter, tonight...tonight he would be the one in charge.

"So, Robert was it? My place or yours?"

He smiled predatorily his teeth flashing. Tonight, Remus would take back his life.

Remus grinned when Robert just flashed him a brilliant smile and set his drink down on the counter, "How about the closest place possible?"

Remus' eyes smoldered at the look that he was receiving and the knowledge that Robert was as ready and willing as he was. Perhaps this might be better than he thought. "I know a place that isn't too far from here, if you trust me to get us there, I'll apparate us." He chuckled lightly knowing that had they walked, even if it wasn't all that far, the other man would have backed out had he known they were about to end up in the shrieking shack.

Not waiting for the other man to respond, he grabbed his hand and pulled him in for a searing kiss as he apparated them into the bedroom that he usually didn't occupy until he'd cleaned himself up a bit. He was grateful that after his little forays in the bowels of this house that a house elf was sent to clean the place up. At least the room didn't smell musty in this form and there were clean sheets on the bed.

Robert broke the kiss and stepped away from Remus to look around. "Where are we? Is this your home?" He turned and saw the bed his eyes darting between the man he'd picked up at the bar and the four poster. "No matter, we both know what we're here for. So who tops, you or I?"

Remus practically growled at the feral look on the other man's face. "Blunt aren't we? I like that and if you aren't undeterred by it, I would like to top. Tell me, how are you with spankings?"

Robert calmly walked around the room as he loosened his tie, "Why don't we quit talking and find out? We both know we aren't here for chit chat. Just bloody fuck me."

Remus' jaw clenched as his cock pulsed against his leg. He was already fully aware of the other man's arousal, had been since they'd entered the room. His own arousal was pulsating with his own heart beat, and the man's foul vocabulary and taunting just seemed to add to it. Who knew Remus liked dirty talk? Or at least someone who knew what they wanted and just demanded it, no beating around the bush as the muggles called it.

Remus watched as Robert stripped languidly and casually tossed each bit of clothing to the floor. Once the other man had seated himself on the bed with one foot hitting the floor and the other leg pulled up at the knee his swollen member proudly jutting out and up from his body, Remus began to undress himself. First the robe, revealing the fact that he went with out a shirt, werewolf metabolism made him rather hot underneath the robes. After he'd let his robes hit the floor, he slowly brought his hands deftly to his belt buckle and loosened it, after shucking off his shoes, he let his trousers fall to the floor in a heap and stepped out of them pulling his socks off with his feet. He could worry about rumpled clothing later.

He let his gaze wander around the room quickly before landing on the bedside table where he knew there was a bottle of lube from his younger romps with Sirius, as long as it was still sticky, it would do. He almost choked at the site that greeted him when he returned his eyes back to the man waiting for him. Robert really was a good looking bloke, almost reminded him of an older Bill Weasley. And he was, Remus gulped, sitting there stroking his cock. Waiting. For him.

With quick fluid strides, Remus found himself towering over Robert breathing heavily, he placed one hand on the man's shoulder pushing him into the mattress as his lips engulfed his, their tongues meeting fervently as Remus' free hand searched in the drawer for the bottle of lube.

His mind kept chanting that this was to be quick, meant nothing and that there was no need for foreplay. He was slightly worried that if he continued to hold himself in check that he might wilt, but the werewolf surged forward reminding him, that a werewolf's stamina in the bedroom was nothing to question. He may not have been able to go all night, but he'd at least be able to go a few rounds.

Robert's hands snaked around his torso before caressing his sides and back absently tracing scars that he knew the other man couldn't see in such a poor atmosphere and for that Remus was silently grateful. It meant he could go all out without worrying for once about being rejected on the basis of what he was since this man was unknown. Robert didn't know anything about him. Other than his flesh was burning, it almost felt as though Robert was placing ice on a searing hot poker, he was so turned on.

Remus broke the kiss, breathing heavily as he moved to suckle Robert's ear, a grunt was pulled from his throat when Robert's hand had moved down to cup his sac and squeezed lightly. He grinned against the now saliva slicked flesh when he heard Robert speak, "Bloody 'ell man. If you're gonna fuck me, then do it. I'm already bloody turned on!"

Remus chuckled. So persistent. Just like Severus. Severus. Bloody hell. Remus actually stopped moving when the other man permeated his thoughts. Well, it wasn't exactly like they were in a relationship . They just had sex, meaningless sex. They kept each other warm on cold nights. Chased away the demons.

Remus actually shook his head when he felt Robert's writhing body beneath him. Now was not the time for Severus or at least thoughts of him, to intervene. Not unless he was going to join them, and well, a thought couldn't take a corporeal form and join, so Remus began to move once again.

He clamped his lips and teeth around one pert nipple, biting, sucking and teasing the nub while his left hand squeezed, pulled and teased Robert's prick and balls his right hand flicked the cap to the bottle of lube opened and dispersed some onto the fingers of his left hand. With a rather wicked grin and fierce bite to Robert's nipple he plunged two fingers deftly into the hole beneath his probing digits.

He surged forward capturing Robert's scream and subsequent moan with his own mouth. Curving his fingers slightly so that they sought out and hit Robert's prostate, he sat up so he could watch Robert's reaction, needless to say he was not displeased with the roll of the eyes and the breathless 'bloody...hell' that followed.

Robert's hands gained purchase on Remus' back his clean nails digging into Remus' flesh reminding him that he was alive just as he added another finger to the invasion and stroked its target again. His own eyes seemed to roll when he felt a small amount of fluid roll down his back and he knew that it had to be blood from the pressure he was being held at and the smell of copper. He bent forward his hair falling in his face as beads of sweat from holding back trickled down his skin and some fell onto the slightly tan skin beneath him mingling with Robert's own salty drops.

Remus twisted his fingers slightly causing his own neat but not recently trimmed nails to scrape along the inside of the now stretched flesh as he sat back on his haunches, then bent his head forward so that he could swipe the pearlescent drop of precum off the engorged head of the penis in front of him, his left hand still stroking the heated flesh.

When he no longer felt like he could hold back and could sense that Robert was on the edge of breaking he removed his right hand altogether and squeezed a generous amount, even though he was sure he wouldn't need so much, onto his own neglected member all the while continuing to stroke Robert. Once he was satisfied that he'd used enough lubricant, he looked down at the body beneath his before locking eyes with the man fortunate to have been at the Hogshead that night. At his nod, Remus slammed into him, not worried about breaching the etiquette or the body he was now penetrating.

With a howl he began thrusting in and out before altering the speed and length of the thrusts so that he was hitting Robert's prostate intermittently and not allowing him to become accustomed to any kind of pattern. Remus was going to make sure that Robert found it hard to sit let alone walk in the morning.

He could absently feel Robert's fingers scrabbling for purchase now that the mattress was physically moving off the bed frame they were rocking so hard and the cheeks sheathing him began to clench as Robert moaned and bucked against him creating a wonderful friction. Remus bit his lip as he positioned himself so that he could place Robert's legs up on his shoulders and slam into him at an angle. He tilted his own head back as he grunted, letting his hair fall back and move gently across his flesh sliding across the fresh red crescent shaped marks.

God, Remus didn't know how much longer he could hold on. Having mindless sex without a worry about what would happen when it was over and mixing the slight amount of pain with the intense pleasure had renewed his sense of being able to live. He lived with pain every month but never knew it could actually induce a euphoric pleasure. It was intoxicating and Remus wanted nothing more than to be able to achieve his release.

He was granted that chance when he felt the hot fluid that could only be Robert's release coat his hand and he looked down to watch as it spattered Robert's belly and shoulder, some actually hitting the other man's bottom lip. Remus' body convulsed at the sight and he bent forward licking the release and enjoying the bitter taste as he plundered the waiting mouth and emptied his own release into the willing arse below him.

Remus slumped forward his erratic panting opposite of Robert's. He rested his forehead on Robert's shoulder briefly before letting the other man lower his legs and sliding out. After a moment, he rolled over to the side and flopped his right arm across his forehead. "Brilliant...bloody...brilliant," seemed to come from the happy and now apparently sated Robert as Remus snorted. He hadn't spoken much to Robert except to get him into a bed, so why start now?

Robert laughed heartily and glanced up at Remus his eyes sparking mirthfully, "You're not much for words now are you?" He shook his head, "Nevermind, you aren't going to answer that." Remus smiled at him, the guy was at least somewhat perceptive.

He watched as Robert stood up and winced. Remus couldn't help the smirk that slid across his face as he sprawled out in his naked glory and basked in the after glow that was a well needed orgasm. "Don't look so smug. It will go away." Robert moved slowly and gathered up his clothes placing them on the bed, he watched Remus as he got dressed and couldn't help but notice the feint lines around the man's eyes and mouth. "You don't get out much do you? Can I see you again?"

Remus frowned as he studied the man. What could it hurt? The release and the contact had been enjoyed. But he knew it couldn't happen again...he was a werewolf after all. He waited till the other man was fully dressed and watching him expectantly. "I don't think it would be a good idea. I trust you know how to find your way home." He let his eyes indicate how sorry he was before turning his head away. When he heard the feint crack that indicated an apparition, he knew the other man was gone and he could lay there in silence, alone and drift.

At least he had found out that he could live again. It wasn't forbidden to enjoy himself. Or take the lead, he could be free, if only he could actually love and feel loved in return. But, tomorrow would at least be a new day, with a new outlook. With that thought in mind and a small smile, Remus J. Lupin drifted off into a night without any dreams.