AN: Nothing mine, not making money. This is my first attempt at a dialogue only fic, be nice ;)
"Note to self: never again attend stag nights."
"Shut up, Tesla, my head is killing me."
"I didn't force you to drink a whole bottle of gin, Griffin."
"Will you both shut up before I gag you?"
"Oh look, the Great Detective has decided to rejoin the land of the living."
"More like the living-dead by the looks of 'im."
"Yes, very funny, you two. Who spiked my drink? Nigel, don't try looking innocent, it never works."
"But you were being all sober and boring and even Nikola made an effort to get drunk."
"That is no reason to make me drunk! Actually, a drunk vampire and a drunk thief are a reason to remain sober and keep you two out of trouble!"
"Do either of you know why James is wearing a tiara?"
"You're the genius, you tell me."
"I'm wearing a what...? What the bloody hell did you two get me into? Did you steal this? It looks expensive, those are diamonds and rubies. Nigel! Where did you steal this from?"
"Wish I knew, mate. It's all a bit of a blur. I don't remember becoming invisible at any point. Nikola?"
"I vaguely remember you kind of fading in and out of visibility so we left the pub to go somewhere private. I think we bought more alcohol on the way. Wasn't there some kind of dare involved?"
"A dare? What kind of dare? I don't remember any dare?"
"Most likely because you were too drunk to walk straight, Nigel. I do think Tesla is right, though, there was some kind of dare. But I don't remember it involving stealing jewellery."
"No, I think it was about climbing a tree? Or was it a wall? Something about climbing. And James said I was not allowed to turn into a bat because that would be cheating and unsporting. Then he promptly fell out of the tree."
"Are you laughing about me again? Stop it right this instant. I did no such thing, you drunkards!"
"Do lighten up, Watson, it was great fun, 'far as I remember. And you have a good sinning voice, too, though I preferred Nikola's Serbian folk songs to your operas. You really aren't a soprano, I fear."
"Again with the laughing? Ouch, my knuckles are bruised. Did we get into fisticuffs? Oh god, please tell me we didn't get challenged to any duels."
"People don't do duels any longer, James. I don't feel bruised but then one of the perks of being a vampire is healing really fast. Nigel, are you any worse for wear?"
"Not sure, mate, my jaw feels a bit tender and there might be a bruise on my leg. Did we meet anyone Scottish?"
"I think most people we met gave us a wide berth. Maybe I hit you for laughing at me, Griffin?"
"Did you? You do have a mean right hook when you're sober, that's true. Oh...there are rings in my pocket and they aren't mine. Tesla, do you have any jewellery on you?"
"I don't know, let me check. Hm...this cravat pin might not be mine, nor is this pocket watch. I fear we should check the papers for a break in at a jeweller's."
"Oh no, we'll have to return it and then we'll get arrested. This is a bloody nightmare. Nigel will miss his wedding."
"Stop being such a pessimist, James. Well just clean it of fingerprints and return it anonymously. No one has to know who took it."
"That's actually a good idea, Tesla, and I won't miss my wedding and won't get killed by my angry bride. The French women do rather have a temperament but that's a good thing in the bedroom..."
"Nigel! Too much information! No one is interested in your private business. When's the wedding? Was it at ten? What time is it now?"
"Just past six in the morning, we've still got time to sober up and make the groom presentable. Not sure we can make you presentable, though, James, you are truly a fearful sight. You might make the bridesmaids faint."
"Shut up, Tesla! Helen's a bridesmaid and she doesn't do fainting."
"Speaking of Helen...isn't this her house? Nikola, why are we sitting in Helen's living room?"
"I...have no idea. Maybe it was closest. Do we even have keys to this place? Or can one of you pick locks while being completely plastered? James, is that a guilty expression I see on your face?"
"Stop smirking, Nikola. Of course I can pick locks, it was necessary in my profession. Only in pursuit of criminals, of course."
"Of course, mate. Why don't you pull me other leg, too? And he calls me a thief."
"I call you a thief because you have robbed banks...and jewellers it seems."
"Well, James, looks to me like you rob jeweller's, too. I bet you were the one to pick their-"
"Gentlemen, why there is a horse in my hallway!?"
...
"Good morning, Helen, beautiful as ever. Um...we can explain?"