Talking about a Shadow's Past
ElectricCircuslover: Sorry if nobody is seeing me around. Still having computer problems. I'm still looking for my flash drive. For some odd reason, my friend's laptop will only accept that flash drive. Stupid hunk of junk. All I can do is do short stories for now since I don't have my bike (the backwheels gone) and I really don't want to walk up to the library eveyday. I'm also having some problems here and there.
So, here's another short story. You may find this one kind of disturbing but this is what Shadow becomes when he becomes an adult. It's really sad to see him like this, but this is him. Well, enough of me. Read on.
"As you may know, I'm Shadow Aaron Petals, the sole person that deserves to just whither away and die in order to keep what ever I have left in my sanity alive. But do I follow that objective?
Sadly to say. No. I can't do it. I can't die, for I am cursed with eternal life that these wretched powers have given me. I've decapitated myself more than the wives of Henry the Eighth. Do you know what it is like to walk around a dark ship without a head for a few days, waiting to for death to take you away, but give up and grow a new head? It's just disturbing and...he...he...Insane. I've done horrendous things to myself that people would think I would die shortly after my daily torchers. After all, who would survive being chopped itsy bitsy people from a hand-made meat grinder?
It's just not fair. I've killed thousands of thugs and crooks, but I can't kill my own self? I find it unexceptionable use of cruel and unusual punishment to be unable to die whether everybody else can. If only my parents and siblings would think on the topic instead of going through there happy little lives.
Hump. My oldest brother, Stitchie, is all happy with the girl I wanted to marry when I was in highschool. That fizzle of a woman cheated on me and got impregnated by Stitchie. I was so heart broken and despaired when I found out. All those beatings from Stitchie really didn't make me look like a reliable man for for Sparkle. I was so afraid I would hurt him and I never wanted to hurt anybody. Mom always told me that fighting doesn't get you anywhere... but it did for Stitchie.
After I was pushed around a bit and such, I began to open my eyes spit out my every bit of soft feeling inside me. I grew angry, I felt empty. My mind began to twist, mutate, and contort in ways that should not be done. It happened. I became a new person. Instead of that cream puff kid that cared about everybody and didn't want to hurt anything. I became the person that hated everybody and wanted to destroy the world. But something kept me from going any further. It must've been the thought of my mother. I still had feelings for her. I still loved her and I loved how she treated me throughout the years. I guess I still had some heart left inside me that prevented my corrupting mind from excuting the plans it had been newly installed into my 'new' self.
Even though I was 'awake,' the thought of my mother kept me from going any further. I knew that I must somehow keep myself calm and orderly so I meditated for many hours. Collecting my thoughts and orginizing my mind, intentions, and focus on my emotions. Once I did all this for those weeks, I felt calm and cool. I kept things in balance and focused. Sadly to say, my mind had other things planned. The meditation was a waste of time. I became meaner, but also orderly, as if I was rich man sitting in a fancy chair with wine in his hand. My saninty?...HA! What sanity? I'm better off in the deep end of life. It's a lot more...Interesting in this end. I had transformed some more. Not mentually, but physically. I stopped taking my meds that fat bastard Jumba gave me and let the mutations take it's course. It was a matter of time anyway. I just speeded things up a bit that's all.
Boy, did I feel good. Jumba and my idiotic father thought I was going to go back on a killing rampage, but they thought wrong. I figured out how to manipulate the mutations in many ways. To be honest with you, I'm no longer that pitch black person with red eyes anymore. Now I'm a pitch black person with scales, spikes, and many red eyes...he he he. I'm not saying anymore about it. But I'll tell you this, my father is afraid of me now. What ever happened to the fearless experiment, Stitch? He cowarded before my new form as if I was a god. Though, I did feel a little sorry for him...NOT! I could smell his dislike for me in his soul. He loved all his children but me. He said he loved me all these years. He helped me though my life, gave me advice, tought me that being good is great thing to be, and he protected me. However, he may have done all these things, I feel it was just an act to hide his feelings of resentment of me. I could see in his heart that he regreted having me as his son. What did I ever do to deserve that? Sure I was alot different from him and his other 'perfect' kids, but why would you hate your own son? It doesn't matter anymore more. I don't care about him or is 'perfect' children. They all hate me anyways. Screw 'em. I'm better off alone anyways.
Once I found out about his true feelings about me, I tried doing everything I could to please him, but I could still see that hatred in his soul. I could smell the stink of his hate too, and boy it didn't smell pretty. I figure I was getting nowhere and I stopped talking to him for some time. After a week he came into my room and talked to me, appologizing to me for feeling the way he felt. I could see he did love me and the appology was real as any physical thing. I also notices that hate in soul was gone. I guess he must've thought about it. It doesn't matter anymore. I was yonger at the time and easily persuaded so of course I gave in to his so-called soft words. It was also before I started changing everything about me. Now he lives his carefree life on Kauai with his pretty wife and children, while I sit in my dark ship...hating the world and my family and trying to find ways on disposing of my memories of them.
Unfortuantly, I can't get the thought of my family out of my mind and that just makes me sad and angry. Even if I did come back, my family would still hate me. So what does it matter anymore? My father hates me, my brother, Stitchie hates me, and they all think I'm an enemy, now that I've changed my out-look on me and my life. All well, I had some fun before I blasted off that rock. Yeah, a few weeks before I left Earth, the process of changing me was completed. My mind and body changed in many ways and the thoughts were bit more satisfying now that hate and anger became part of me and my life. I decided to just lay low from every body and just stay alone as I wanted from the first place. However, Stitchie had other plans. Since he graduated from highschool and had a girlfriend, he thought he was a big shot now. Stitchie wanted to spend his proud moment on using me for a punching bag, after all, I was a kind, gental, and harmless person...or so he thought I was. He was talking crap for a little bit, but I just went along with him. I wanted to at least have a little happiness for him to have.
He swung first. I let him hit me in the face. Infact, I let him have his fun and pretended to be like my old self, kind and usless. After I was 'groaning' in pain he spat on me, saying more garbage about me and started to leave. He was surprised that I was laughing behind his back. It was definutely my turn and I told him that. Boy he got a royal beating. I liked the part when I cut off his bottom right arm and rammed it into his mouth. His screams of pain sounded heavanly and rewarding. All that pain in my heart was slowly going to away with each scream. I made sure he would cross my path anymore. I gave him his warning and left it at that. After that, he wined to my parents, who talked to me with such anger in their voices.
I told them what was going on and that Stitchie deserved it. Mom felt really sorry about me and she felt stupid to not notice the relation between us. I comforted her, but dad was all up in my face saying that I should've told him and blah, blah, blah. Personally, I was afraid to talk to him, but that was before I changed. I wanted to get back at the blue fuzz ball and I did it very well. But dad, wanted to discipline Stitchie himself. Now that I hurt my brother really badly, dad wanted to hurt me. He was angry, and when dad got angry, it was like unleashing the incredible Hulk. Of course mom got between us and stopped our little arguement, but I knew dad wasn't going to let it just slide. He knew that I needed to be taught a lesson...unfortuanately for him...He learned my lesson the hard way.
After a awhile I decided to leave that planet. I knew they all hated me now everyone of them...Except for mom. I could see in her heart and soul that she still loved me. I could hear her mind say so many nice things about me and that she understood what I was doing and had to do. I was taken aback about what I witnest. To this day, I still hear her mind say such wonderful things about me. Because of her...she changed me some more...And my mind didn't take to kindly to it. From there on, my mind and heart that beat at once, now separated and formed two kinds of personalities. My mind is hateful and destructive, but my heart still has some love in it, probably for my mother, but I strangely enough...My heart tells me to go back to the start, meaning, go back to my family and live among them again. However, my mind tells me something different. It tells me to destroy them all and destroy the whole planet itself. Though, it's a constant battle between the both and I decided that suicide was the best way to silence them both. As I said before, I can't die, but I still try. If I die, then my spirit will be unleashed and I can undo everything I've wronged. I want to make a difference in my life for a change. I want to just rest in piece and get rid of this burden on my back. I've made myself suffer long enough. And I can't do it while I'm unstable from my heart and mind going at it. So it must be done.
As I conclude this, I want to tell you tell my mother that I'm sorry for everything and to please understand my situation. Good bye."