A/N: Hey, guys! So, I couldn't seem to stay away long. I've got a new story here for you all. I cant wait to see how you like it. Or don't. Or whatever. Anyway, I gotta run. It's the first snowfall of the year (yuck..) and I need to clean my car off. Lots of love.

There weren't many things in life Poison Ivy really, truly cared about. Her babies, of course, were at the top of her list. Ridding the world of the burden that was humanity. And her best friend in the world, Harley Quinn.

But even caring for Harley became tiring, when it was three in the morning and she was being dragged out of bed once again because Harley was having another fight with the clown. She was doing her best to listen; she really was. But it was always the same thing. Harley pissed him off, he threw her out, and she automatically decided to drag Ivy into it all. Then Ivy would spend the next three days trying to convince Harley that she clearly deserved better than this cycle of abuse, until the clown wanted her back, and she would run home like a little lost puppy.

"This time is really different, Red!" Harley whined, her tears rolling down her cheeks in a hideous display of emotion. It was all wasted, Ivy knew. There was no use crying over a man, especially one with such a blatant disregard of your feelings. She'd tried telling Harley that, but it was like talking to a wall. A really stubborn, delusional wall.

Ivy ran her fingers through her hair, which was tangled and untamed since she'd been in asleep. "You say that every time, Harls," she muttered. "It's always different, always the last time. And then he comes around and you run straight back to him. So, forgive me if I'm having a hard time believing you."

Harley's expression was a combination of anger and sadness. Once upon a time, Ivy really had felt bad for her. She knew what it was like to be so deeply in love, you'd be willing to do anything for the man. Even die for him. But eventually Harley needed to come crawling back to reality and accept the fact that the Joker was never going to change. And he was never going to love her, at least not in the right ways.

The blonde let out a sigh, resting her chin on her palm as she gazed off at nothing in particular. Ivy watched her for a few moments, her own thoughts straying to places she seldom let them go. Her own love story had nearly led her to her death. And she'd already seen Harley come too close for comfort. She needed to find a way to help her break free once and for all. But that was a task that seemed almost more impossible than protecting her babies from the world. In a way, she supposed, Harley was a lot like a flower. Beautiful and independent, but unable to defend herself against the oppression of mankind.

"He's not really so bad, Red," Harley murmured then, interrupting her friend's train of thought. "I mean, if you could see him the way I do…"

"I don't," Ivy snapped. "I see him as a homicidal maniac who continually hurts my best friend."

Harley stuck her bottom lip out. "You just don't understand how caring and sweet he can be sometimes," she retorted, to which Ivy actually let out a laugh. Joker ever showing a display of affection would be the funniest joke she'd ever heard. "I'll bet if you spent jut one weekend with him," Harley went on, "you'd see what I mean."

Ivy's instant reaction to spending any time ever with the clown was to scrunch up her nose in disgust. But this time, she had a plan forming. "Okay," she said slowly. Harley literally did a double take, blinking as if to make sure she wasn't dreaming or something. Ivy nodded once. "Okay, I'll spend a weekend with J. Without you. And if I think he has any redeemable qualities, I'll leave you two alone. But if he turns out to prove me right, then you have to stay with me for one month straight."

Harley raised her brows, carefully considering Ivy's proposition. "A whole month?" She murmured. "Not even a single sleepover?"

Ivy shook her head. "No matter what he says, you have to stay here."

Harley swallowed hard. If her lover could pull through for her, she'd never have to hear her best friend harass her to leave him again. And she really did believe he could do it, as long as he paused long enough to take the whole thing seriously. Which was asking a lot of a man called Joker. But she knew he loved her, in his own way, and she had complete faith that he would do this one little thing for her. It wasn't as if she was asking him to kill Bats or anything. Just spend one short weekend being nice to Ivy. Practically effortless.

"Deal," she said at last, holding her hand out. Ivy took it in her own hand, giving a demurring smirk. Game on.

…

"But, Mr. J!" Harley pleaded, grabbing him by the wrist. Ivy watched the pathetic scene before her with a smug smile tugging at her lips. Joker tried, once again, to shake off the clinging girl. When that proved futile he proceeded to start walking across the room and dragging her along with him. "Mr. J, it's really important to me!"

Joker stopped in his tracks, bending down so he was at eye level with her. "All the more reason for me not to do it!" He shouted, straightening back up and resuming his steps. Ten minutes ago, Harley had come home, just as he knew she would. Except she'd brought the Plant with her, and Poison Ivy was pretty much the last person he wanted to see in the morning. Next thing he'd known, she'd been spewing some words about proving his devotion to Ivy or she wasn't gunna come home for a month. Well, good riddance, he thought. At least maybe then he would be able to get some work done.

"Mr. J," Harley cried again, digging her heels into the carpet. As he dragged her past their two pet hyenas, Bud and Lou, the animals began to whimper. A moment later they too were tugging on the Joker, nipping at his clothes as they tried to help their mother. Finally losing his temper, Joker shoved all three of them away, sending Harley collapsing to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"Fine," he scowled, smoothing out his purple suit coat. "Fine, Ivy can stay here for your stupid bet. But don't expect me to be hospitable or anything. I don't need to prove myself to your stupid friends. I'm the goddamn Joker, for Christ's sake."

Harley let out a little squeak, as if he'd just said the sweetest thing she'd ever heard. She crawled over to hug him around the waist. Joker let out a groan, petting her roughly on the head. From the corner of his eye, he saw Ivy all but beaming at him. The stupid weed thought she could just invite herself into his business. Well, he'd teach her a lesson not to stick her vines where they didn't belong.

Ivy was unable to hide her grin of sheer delight. Already she could see just how this weekend was going to play out. Joker would be extra irritated, since he hated her to begin with. That, paired with the undeniable fact that he was just a terrible person, meant there was absolutely no way she could lose. This was going to be a piece of cake.