"Displaying Emotions"
Disclaimer: Um, Snape and Pansy Parkinson belong to J.K Rowling.
*
The clock struck nine ringing out, echoing in the tall stone ceiling of the library. Sitting at a table close to the Restricted Section Pansy Parkinson slammed her book shut with a thud. The few students in the library were dispersing, and the librarian was looking in her general direction motioning her out for the evening. She rubbed her temples with her forefingers, trying to relieve the pounding pain. She blinked hard, the packed her two books into her bag. Sighing, she pushed in her chair walking towards the door.
She exited the library walking slowly down the winding corridors down to the Slytherin common room. Pausing she stopped listening to the silence that had swept over the corridors. "This nine pm retreat to your common room curfew is ridiculous" she thought. She took a sharp right and headed towards the abandoned corridor on the second floor. She reached deeper into her bag pulling out a silver flask, shiny with the Parkinson family crest embedded on it. She had stolen it from her mothers jewelry box, feeling her mother at least owed her something. Sitting on the cold stone steps she breathed a deep sigh. Her mother was wicked and spiteful and threw it in Pansy's face all the time that the Malfoy's were lucky to have a son to carry on the family name, always making Pansy feel like she meant nothing to her mother and father for being born a girl.
Slowly Pansy unscrewed the cap of the flask, taking a gulp of the strong burning whiskey inside, trying to drown the guilty feeling inside her. "I cannot control the sex I was born" she thought angrily.
Her mother had owled her that day demanding to know why she hadn't scoared all A's on her midterm report. Her mother as always failed to overlook her highest marks and ragged on her about her low ones. "An A+ in Potions and apparently that's not enough to satisfy you." Pansy thought scornfully.
She looked around the corridor, wondering what the door at the bottom of the stairwell was for. She came to this stairwell a lot lately. Everyone around her at school bothered her always asking questions, wanting a favor, getting in her way or just talking to her when she wanted to be left alone. This dark stairwell provided her with solitude and privacy to just sit, and enjoy being by herself without being bothered. Her dorm, the common room, the library, classes, someone was always around her and she need space sometimes when she got this angry.
Being in Slytherin suited Pansy well, she'd stop at nothing to get what she wanted and had plenty of determination. She had plenty of friends in her house and the common room was lavishly furnished. But lately, she felt trapped there. As if she was constantly under watch with no privacy, and no one around who understood her. No one understood what she felt about her parents, her distaste and bitter feelings towards them. No one understood the ridiculous outlandish constant expectations of her parents, and the fact that she constantly let them down. Nothing Pansy ever did was good enough for them.
She sipped the flask as she sifted through her bag for a Chocolate Frog she had saved. Instead she found her family ring tucked in the corner of her bag, where she had stored it when she angrily pulled it off when she received the owl. She paused, holding the ring in the open palm of her hand, observing it in the torch light. The same Parkinson crest on her silver flask was also on the ring. She eyed it warily, feeling the heavy weight of the large silver ring in her hand. She then clenched her fingers around it feeling more infuriated than she ever had in her life, her hand shaking as her fingers clenched around the solid ring. She whipped it down the stairs as hard as she could and it hit the wooden door at the bottom with a slight "plunk".
She left out an exasperated breath slowly, tipping her flask back to her lips, downing another mouthful of the potent liquor. She placed the flask back in her bag, the alcohol not helping her drown her anger at all. She felt utterly useless and alone.
She rested her head on her arms which were propped up on her knees. Her eyes started to sting, then welled up with tears just as she heard the door open at the bottom of the stairs. She didn't look up because her eyes were filling up with tears and she didn't want to deal with some nosey student right now.
"Miss. Parkinson?" a mature male voice questioned.
Pansy peaked up, with one eye recognizing the voice immediately.
"Yes Professor Snape?" she answered, her voice slightly wavering.
She saw a glint of silver in his hand. He had picked up her ring. He stepped up the stairs towards her, examining it as he walked. "I am sure I am correct assuming this is yours, considering it's a signet of your family crest"
"It is mine, you're right." Her voice cracked as a sob escaped her throat.
She looked up at him, wiping any tears of her face, however not masking the fact that she was distraught and on the verge of bawling her eyes out.
"May I ask Miss Parkinson, why it hit my dormitory door? And may I ask Miss. Parkinson what you are doing out past house curfew, in my stairwell?" His dark eyes drilling into hers.
She asked curiously "Your stairwell?"
"I assure you Miss Parkinson, this is my stairwell. That is not the question at hand now is it?"
"No Professor, I was just leaving..." she stammered standing up slowly.
He watched her intently. "Miss Parkinson. The ring. You never answered my question now did you. Can you tell me why I found it on the floor by my door, and what it was doing there to begin with."
"The ring, I uh, I put it there" she said stubbornly.
"By my door Miss Parkinson?" He looked skeptic. "Sit. Now. "
"I might have tossed it down there" she said, feeling defeated she sat on the cold step again, shivering slightly.
"Tossed? Miss Parkinson I doubt you tossed it, I heard the noise it made hitting my door from inside. You must have thrown it quite hard."
"I may have." She wasn't meeting his gaze.
"If you'd just tell me why Miss Parkinson, you could be on your way to the common room"
She reached into her bag, she grabbed the note her mother had sent thrusting it out to Snape without a word of explanation.
He read it.
"Ah. Miss Parkinson. As I recollect, you had an A+ in my class."
"So do I." she answered defiantly.
"You had a exceptional report."he retorted.
"Tell them" she sniffed slight, her eyes welling up with tears again.
"Tell whom Miss Parkinson?" he asked, his voice slightly gentle for the first time in 5 years of her being at Hogwarts.
"My parents."
He looked rather concerned. In all his years of teaching her, she had never ever once cried in his presence. "Is this about them?"
She didnt look up.
"Oh course it is Miss Parkinson. You threw the ring because you displeased your parents?" He said his tone softer than ever,
He stared down at her.
"NOTHING I DO WILL EVER PLEASE THEM." her voice burst out angrily. He looked taken aback.
"I see." he stated, not sure how to react to such an upset student, especially one who was female.
He watched her as she lowered her head to her hands sobbing. "I am not perfect, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough, and I am not a boy" she choked out.
Before he could stop he chuckled slightly, the first time she ever heard him do such a thing. She looked up looking pitiful her eyes spilling tears down her cheeks
"Well of course you aren't a boy Miss Parkinson. What does that have to do with this?"
"No one to carry on the precious family name she spat out violently as more tears cascaded down her cheeks. Never could compare to their dear friends son draco." her shoulders shook as sobs wracked her body.
It all clicked finally in his head. "Miss Parkinson, no one should half to live feeling guilty for not being what their parents want. Hardly any of us are. Did you know Miss Parkinson my mother was infuriated and disowned me for being interested in learning about dark arts." he confessed hoping to get the girl to stop crying she was making him feel awkward.
She looked up at him, and shook her head.
"At least that was just one thing you did wrong. I don't eat right, I have no table manners, my hair isn't dark, enough my skin isn't light enough, my eyes aren't blue enough for fuck's sake nothing I ever do is enough. My grades aren't good enough." her voice was shrill and paniced as she gasped for deep breaths as she cried, letting out 15 years of bottled up emotion that no one had ever understood or given a second thought. "You are the first person in my entire life who has given a damn enough to listen."
"Miss Parkinson. Collect yourself. He said firmly not used to this public display of emotions..
She didn't answer, just kept sobbing into her arms as they rested on her knees.
Frustrated he sat next to her on the steps. He didn't know how to console teenage girls. He didn't know anything about consoling people and dealing with their emotions. It was just easier to stay angry all the time.
He reached his hand out lightly patting her shoulder "There, there Miss Parkinson." he said pathetically.
She sobbed in response. He patted her hair gently, and ran his hand up and down her back while she cried long into the night. He didn't know what else to do. But it seemed to be all she needed.
********************************************************
La Fin.
Haha, I don't even know why I wrote this.
Snape with a soft side I guess I wanted to just give it a try and get people to maybe see Pansy as more than just a Slytherin bitch. She's my favorite character to write about..
Happy reading. R&R 3 Joanne
Disclaimer: Um, Snape and Pansy Parkinson belong to J.K Rowling.
*
The clock struck nine ringing out, echoing in the tall stone ceiling of the library. Sitting at a table close to the Restricted Section Pansy Parkinson slammed her book shut with a thud. The few students in the library were dispersing, and the librarian was looking in her general direction motioning her out for the evening. She rubbed her temples with her forefingers, trying to relieve the pounding pain. She blinked hard, the packed her two books into her bag. Sighing, she pushed in her chair walking towards the door.
She exited the library walking slowly down the winding corridors down to the Slytherin common room. Pausing she stopped listening to the silence that had swept over the corridors. "This nine pm retreat to your common room curfew is ridiculous" she thought. She took a sharp right and headed towards the abandoned corridor on the second floor. She reached deeper into her bag pulling out a silver flask, shiny with the Parkinson family crest embedded on it. She had stolen it from her mothers jewelry box, feeling her mother at least owed her something. Sitting on the cold stone steps she breathed a deep sigh. Her mother was wicked and spiteful and threw it in Pansy's face all the time that the Malfoy's were lucky to have a son to carry on the family name, always making Pansy feel like she meant nothing to her mother and father for being born a girl.
Slowly Pansy unscrewed the cap of the flask, taking a gulp of the strong burning whiskey inside, trying to drown the guilty feeling inside her. "I cannot control the sex I was born" she thought angrily.
Her mother had owled her that day demanding to know why she hadn't scoared all A's on her midterm report. Her mother as always failed to overlook her highest marks and ragged on her about her low ones. "An A+ in Potions and apparently that's not enough to satisfy you." Pansy thought scornfully.
She looked around the corridor, wondering what the door at the bottom of the stairwell was for. She came to this stairwell a lot lately. Everyone around her at school bothered her always asking questions, wanting a favor, getting in her way or just talking to her when she wanted to be left alone. This dark stairwell provided her with solitude and privacy to just sit, and enjoy being by herself without being bothered. Her dorm, the common room, the library, classes, someone was always around her and she need space sometimes when she got this angry.
Being in Slytherin suited Pansy well, she'd stop at nothing to get what she wanted and had plenty of determination. She had plenty of friends in her house and the common room was lavishly furnished. But lately, she felt trapped there. As if she was constantly under watch with no privacy, and no one around who understood her. No one understood what she felt about her parents, her distaste and bitter feelings towards them. No one understood the ridiculous outlandish constant expectations of her parents, and the fact that she constantly let them down. Nothing Pansy ever did was good enough for them.
She sipped the flask as she sifted through her bag for a Chocolate Frog she had saved. Instead she found her family ring tucked in the corner of her bag, where she had stored it when she angrily pulled it off when she received the owl. She paused, holding the ring in the open palm of her hand, observing it in the torch light. The same Parkinson crest on her silver flask was also on the ring. She eyed it warily, feeling the heavy weight of the large silver ring in her hand. She then clenched her fingers around it feeling more infuriated than she ever had in her life, her hand shaking as her fingers clenched around the solid ring. She whipped it down the stairs as hard as she could and it hit the wooden door at the bottom with a slight "plunk".
She left out an exasperated breath slowly, tipping her flask back to her lips, downing another mouthful of the potent liquor. She placed the flask back in her bag, the alcohol not helping her drown her anger at all. She felt utterly useless and alone.
She rested her head on her arms which were propped up on her knees. Her eyes started to sting, then welled up with tears just as she heard the door open at the bottom of the stairs. She didn't look up because her eyes were filling up with tears and she didn't want to deal with some nosey student right now.
"Miss. Parkinson?" a mature male voice questioned.
Pansy peaked up, with one eye recognizing the voice immediately.
"Yes Professor Snape?" she answered, her voice slightly wavering.
She saw a glint of silver in his hand. He had picked up her ring. He stepped up the stairs towards her, examining it as he walked. "I am sure I am correct assuming this is yours, considering it's a signet of your family crest"
"It is mine, you're right." Her voice cracked as a sob escaped her throat.
She looked up at him, wiping any tears of her face, however not masking the fact that she was distraught and on the verge of bawling her eyes out.
"May I ask Miss Parkinson, why it hit my dormitory door? And may I ask Miss. Parkinson what you are doing out past house curfew, in my stairwell?" His dark eyes drilling into hers.
She asked curiously "Your stairwell?"
"I assure you Miss Parkinson, this is my stairwell. That is not the question at hand now is it?"
"No Professor, I was just leaving..." she stammered standing up slowly.
He watched her intently. "Miss Parkinson. The ring. You never answered my question now did you. Can you tell me why I found it on the floor by my door, and what it was doing there to begin with."
"The ring, I uh, I put it there" she said stubbornly.
"By my door Miss Parkinson?" He looked skeptic. "Sit. Now. "
"I might have tossed it down there" she said, feeling defeated she sat on the cold step again, shivering slightly.
"Tossed? Miss Parkinson I doubt you tossed it, I heard the noise it made hitting my door from inside. You must have thrown it quite hard."
"I may have." She wasn't meeting his gaze.
"If you'd just tell me why Miss Parkinson, you could be on your way to the common room"
She reached into her bag, she grabbed the note her mother had sent thrusting it out to Snape without a word of explanation.
He read it.
"Ah. Miss Parkinson. As I recollect, you had an A+ in my class."
"So do I." she answered defiantly.
"You had a exceptional report."he retorted.
"Tell them" she sniffed slight, her eyes welling up with tears again.
"Tell whom Miss Parkinson?" he asked, his voice slightly gentle for the first time in 5 years of her being at Hogwarts.
"My parents."
He looked rather concerned. In all his years of teaching her, she had never ever once cried in his presence. "Is this about them?"
She didnt look up.
"Oh course it is Miss Parkinson. You threw the ring because you displeased your parents?" He said his tone softer than ever,
He stared down at her.
"NOTHING I DO WILL EVER PLEASE THEM." her voice burst out angrily. He looked taken aback.
"I see." he stated, not sure how to react to such an upset student, especially one who was female.
He watched her as she lowered her head to her hands sobbing. "I am not perfect, I am not pretty enough, I am not smart enough, and I am not a boy" she choked out.
Before he could stop he chuckled slightly, the first time she ever heard him do such a thing. She looked up looking pitiful her eyes spilling tears down her cheeks
"Well of course you aren't a boy Miss Parkinson. What does that have to do with this?"
"No one to carry on the precious family name she spat out violently as more tears cascaded down her cheeks. Never could compare to their dear friends son draco." her shoulders shook as sobs wracked her body.
It all clicked finally in his head. "Miss Parkinson, no one should half to live feeling guilty for not being what their parents want. Hardly any of us are. Did you know Miss Parkinson my mother was infuriated and disowned me for being interested in learning about dark arts." he confessed hoping to get the girl to stop crying she was making him feel awkward.
She looked up at him, and shook her head.
"At least that was just one thing you did wrong. I don't eat right, I have no table manners, my hair isn't dark, enough my skin isn't light enough, my eyes aren't blue enough for fuck's sake nothing I ever do is enough. My grades aren't good enough." her voice was shrill and paniced as she gasped for deep breaths as she cried, letting out 15 years of bottled up emotion that no one had ever understood or given a second thought. "You are the first person in my entire life who has given a damn enough to listen."
"Miss Parkinson. Collect yourself. He said firmly not used to this public display of emotions..
She didn't answer, just kept sobbing into her arms as they rested on her knees.
Frustrated he sat next to her on the steps. He didn't know how to console teenage girls. He didn't know anything about consoling people and dealing with their emotions. It was just easier to stay angry all the time.
He reached his hand out lightly patting her shoulder "There, there Miss Parkinson." he said pathetically.
She sobbed in response. He patted her hair gently, and ran his hand up and down her back while she cried long into the night. He didn't know what else to do. But it seemed to be all she needed.
********************************************************
La Fin.
Haha, I don't even know why I wrote this.
Snape with a soft side I guess I wanted to just give it a try and get people to maybe see Pansy as more than just a Slytherin bitch. She's my favorite character to write about..
Happy reading. R&R 3 Joanne