A strange orange man walks into the Jeffersonian. He walks straight up to the platform setting off an alarm. A certain adorable lab assistant is examining bones. He has been alive for 24 years but it is only today he will receive a name. You decide to name him Cutiepie Mcsciencypants. You say hello to Cutiepie McSciencypants and he says that's not his name. He says his name is Zack Addy, well then. Some other scientist swipes their card cutting off the alarm. Whatever, you ignore this and focus on McScienceypants. Speaking of which his pants aren't very sciencey. His cape thingie is pretty sciencey though. You tell him this and he asks if you mean his lab coat. Yes, you do mean his "lab coat" he stands there awkwardly.
"wanna go to olive garden" you ask
"umm" he replies. That is probably science for yes. You say you'll pick him up at 7 and walk away. Mission complete.
7 rolls around. You wonder how a number can roll. Either way its 7. You walk back into the jeffersonian. You spot Cutiepie Addy and tell him to come with you. He asks why, you say fuck you thats why. But seriously you do want to fuck Zack McScienceypants. He agrees to go. You ask him why, because seriously you have been acting like an ass. He says he likes olive garden. You tell him he disgusts you. Only you don't, because you still want to fuck the guy.
You get to olive garden. You see neither olives nor gardens, instant disappointment. You find a seat. Where the fuck is the bread. You ask Zack but he is preoccupied with talking. He probably expects you to listen. Whatever. The bread gets here. FINALLY. You gobble down bread without butter, butter is for wimps. You offer him a piece, he says no thank you. You offer him butter, he says no. Phew, he isn't a wimp. The waiter gets there. He is Asian. You ask him why he is Asian, he says he doesn't know. Wow what an idiot. You order the least revolting thing on the menu, salad. Zack orders pasta, seriously Zack? Seriously? The waiter leaves. You want to make an Asian joke but can't think of one. You attempt to make a charming comment but it results in a fit of word vomit which sounds like a verbalized keybash. Damn it Hussie you are losing your game! The waiter arrives with your salad, the waiter asks if you want pepper. Damn right you want pepper. He sprinkled some pepper on your salad with a hand held pepper grinder. "tell me when" he says, you wait. He grinds gratuitous amounts of pepper onto your salad, you cannot see the salad under all the pepper anymore. The waiter is giving you funny looks now. He is grinding very slowly now, waiting for you to tell him to stop. Like hell are you gonna let this mothetfucker off that easy. You tell him to grids faster. "are you sure" he asks and stops all together. The pepper is overflowing out of the bowl. You grab the pepper grinder and grind your own goddamn pepper. Your table is covered in pepper and the waiter is calling security. You both get thrown out. You both walk back to your car and get in
And then they had sex.