No, of course I don't own the char's, I just enjoy them! And thank Jhonen Vasquez for the wonderful contribution he's made to society! grins evilly oh the wonderful insanity!
One fine day in the middle of a scenic and peaceful surburbia, there lived a little green boy, and his pet dog, and today was just another normal day...
Gir ran screaming through the kitchen. This was the two-hundred and fifth time he'd done this. Zim began pounding his head on the table in a vain attempt to rid his brain of the sound.
"GIR!" Zim exploded on the two-hundred and sixth pass, "GO PLAY WITH DIB!"
"I WANNA TACO!" Gir screamed back with his usual logic, "OOOOKAAAY!" then ran outside and over to Dib's house.
Gir began pounding his metallic head on Dib's front door and head-butted Dib when he opened the door. Dib went flying across the room, quickly followed by Gir who was screaming about monkeys now. Gir sat on him and squealed. Dib pushed him off and sat up, rubbing his head and glaring at the oblivious little robot, who was now giggling and trying to talk to the refrigerater.
Gaz came in and smacked Gir on the head. Gir paused then yelled, "Okiedokey!" and flew out the door, leaving a flaming refrigerater and a scorched, blinking Dib in his wake.
Meanwhile, in the precious moments of silence he'd bought, Zim took the toilet elevator to his lab. With frequent diabolical laughter and the ominous hissing of an arc welder he set to making....er.....well...waffles.
When Zim returned from the basement lab to present his wonderous invention to Gir, he found him trying to suck the bottom of the cup out of the peanut-butter-banana-berry slushee he had.
"Gir!" he exclaimed, "Come marvel at my brilliance! I've made waffles!" he held them above his head and struck a pose. "Do they not AMAZE you!?" he exclaimed.
Gir screamed happily, ran up to Zim and jumped the waffles and scarfed them down in bare seconds. Zim's eyes twitched, "...waffles..." he muttered hysterically.
The next day, Zim was back in school. It was lunchtime and he was back to his regular routine of prodding his food with an eating utensil and waiting for something horrible to happen.
Dib walked up, "I bet you'd like it if you ever actually tried it!" he sighed disgustedly.
"NEVER!" Zim screeched, "Never shall Invader hands be fouled by your ugly human FILTH!!" he ended up standing on the table for emphasis and scattering the picked-over remains of his lunch across the cafeteria in the process.
Dib sighed, rolled his eyes and kept going, plans to expose Zim still rolling, not at all impeded by his brief verbal exchange.
"Eh?" Zim muttered, watching the far-too-quiet Dib walk away without levelling any more wild accusations. Zim got off the table when he realized how many people were staring at him. He looked for his 'lunch', and when he saw it scattered over the cafeteria, did a little happy dance.
Back at the green kid's home...
"Gir, the Dib-monkey is planning something HORRIBLE!" Zim was back to yelling at his oblivious robot. "I CAN FEEL IT IN MY JUICY MEATS!" he continued.
"YAY! Gir screamed happily.
"No Gir, that's bad," he sighed, with a mental reminder to do some work on his logic circuits. Zim returned to his pacing and slightly hysterical mutterings.
Meanwhile, at Dib's house...
Dark laughter echoed up the stairs from Professor Membrane's lab. Dib shot up the stairs, "Hey Gaz! Check this out!" he called halfway up. Then he tripped and a small silver object flew up the stairs ahead of him and blew a hole in the front door.
Dib shuffled up the last few steps, "Eh...hehehe," he muttered self-consciously and dove out the door. He ran outside after the silver object, which was currently bouncing towards the house across the street. He caught it inches from the house and ran back across the street. He ran up the stairs and barricaded his bedroom door.
A light went on in Dib's room, and insane laughter echoed from it.
The next day...
Zim spent the entire class glaring at Dib...who never actually noticed. "Zim," Ms. Bitters hissed, "You've got some horrible detention after horrible class."
"Eh?" Zim blinked, "What is this filthy human concept?!" he demanded.
The school bell found Zim cleaning chalkbrushes...though choking repeatedly on the dust and pantomiming his death in various amusing manners while screaming threats at the entire race of that horrible human filth would be a better description.
Dib stuck his head in the window and laughed at Zim. "Ha ha! Sucker!" he called tauntingly.
"Filthy...human...filth...with their...filthy...filth..." Zim interrupted his mutterings long enough to deck Dib with a chalk brush.
"VICTORY!" he crowed.
Moments later he found himself flat on his back with a chalk brush shaped dent in his forehead and Ms. Bitters standing over him, hissing.
"Eh...hehehe," he muttered and scrambled to his feet.
That afternoon, back at base...
Zim was still muttering angrily about filth when he slammed the door to his house and found Gir watching the angry monkey on TV. He shuddered, "That HORRIBLE monkey!"
"IT LOVES YOU!" Gir screamed, taking note of his master, though not taking his eyes off the screen.
"Yes yes, whatever," Zim muttered, rushing off to his lab. "I MUST know what the Dib-monkey PLANS! Yessss he thinks he can defeat the mighty ZIM! Stupid stupid human, HE WILL RUE THE DAY HE...er...what exactly did he do...?"
Gir jumped up and down beside him, "WAFFLES!!!" he screamed, "WHERE'D THE LIDDLE WAFFLES GOOOO?!?!" then he sat down and started crying.
"Of course!" Zim exclaimed, "Waffles!.... GIR!"
Gir jumped up and his eyes flashed red as he saluted, "YES SIR!"
"Bring us...the WAFFLES!" Zim thundered in his usual dramatic style.
"YAAAAY! THE WAFFLES!!" Gir ran around Zim screaming. Then he ran off and returned with a huge plate of waffles thoroughly soaked in maple syrup.
"WAAAAFFFLESS!" he screamed, then fell on the floor giggling.
Back at Dib's house:
"Gaz! How do I look?!" Dib demanded of his sister, trying on his hamster costume.
Gaz took her time looking up, "Dumb," she commented then went back to her gameslave.
"No Gaz! Do I look like a giant hamster?! Like....I'm a real one!" he kept babbling. Gaz's eye twitched as her hand moved toward the baseball bat. Dib noticed and started backing away, "Oh, right, yes, just fine, ok, I'm going! Zim'll never see this one coming! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Gaz's eyes snapped open, "You can go now," She growled.
He tried to smile innocently and scrabble for the doorknob behind him at the same time. Then he raced out of the house and down the street to Zim's house.
Dib rang the doorbell and waited....and waited....and waited. He ran over and looked in the window...the house was dark.