Disclaimer: The characters all belongs to J.K. Rowling, the crappy story belongs to some writer, who shall remain nameless, that we decided to write a parody on. If you figure out which story this parody is based on, you can privately e-mail us about it, but please don't post on here.
A/N: Alright, there will be some odd things here. A lot of these are based on spelling mistakes found in many poorly written fanfics. We have taken them and used them to better our parody.
It was late August, and the Hogwarts students were all preparing to board the Hogwarts Express. Suddenly, a light shined down upon the newfound glorious radiance that was Hermione Granger. The male population all turned to stare at her and began simultaneously drooling and/or foaming at the mouth, which was accompanied by random animal noises.
Over the summer Hermione had somehow filled out in all the right places (A/N: which apparently means she has boobs and an ass but the author is too prudish to blatantly state such things). Hermione now sported an almost nonexistent mini-skirt with fishnets and thigh high hooker boots (A/N: She obviously borrowed these from her never-before-mentioned American cousin, who, coincidentally, gave her the entire makeover). Her low-cut shirt continued to draw attention from every male in the near vicinity.
Draco was the Slytherin Sex God, the Official Hogwarts Wearer of Leather Pants, and the owner of the best six-pack the earth has ever known. "Must...shag...Granger..." thought his lower anatomy. The previously unhappy female population was now slightly mollified, seeing as he had the leather pants on. Draco mentally kicked himself (A/N: authors wonders if he is kicking himself with his upper or lower anatomy) and reminded that he must not think such things about the Gryffindor bookworm.
Ginny and Harry spotted Hermione and ran up to her. They were closely followed by Ron and Lavender. Both couples had gotten together over the summer in a sickeningly fluffy fashion. Hermione squealed for joy, "like omg, I mist you guys so much!" (A/N: American cousin apparently taught her fluent netspeak).
Ginny, reaching an equally high pitch, shrieked, "OMG, like, I mist you more!" Harry, Ron, and Lavender discreetly disappear because Hermione is really only excited to see Ginny, who knows all her secretes and is her personnel diary (A/N: yes, those were actually found in actual fanfics heavy sigh)
Draco, who had been waiting for Crabbe and Goyle, wished he had "real" friends. He had only ever had one real friend, but his friend was a Muggle; Lucious killed him in front of Draco. However, due to the incompetent judicial system, Vodelmort was wrongfully accused and is now cowering in the woods.
The students eagerly boarded the Express, and file into their respectable compartments. Hermione entered the Head compartment, mentally noting Draco's "quivering member". "This was going to be an interesting year," she thought.
A/N: All spelling mistakes are intentional. Draco's "quivering member" is from the wonderful movie 10 Things I Hate About You. Review if you like, flames are always welcome as well.