A/N: So, intense episode last night. People trying to find faults, someone to blame; Cofield trying to blame someone, or anyone was entertaining but I found myself feeling more sorry for House than Chase. Maybe I've dug too deep inside his head but this is what I came up with.
This is Chase/Thirteen in an established relationship (see my previous stories if you want to know about that) but the focus here is on Thirteen and House. I can't seem to get into House's head without getting into her head, so here it is. Takes place before the final verdict, when House is actually outside Chase's room at night.
Disclaimer: I own nothing, as per usual.
She sits in the room, watching her boyfriend sleep and breathe at the same time and feels a strange mixture of feelings. Relief, anger, joy, concern, happiness, disbelief – a whole variety, a melange of sorts and isn't quite sure which one to pick and really feel.
Chase is fine and will be better; he will regain his ability to walk with rigorous exercise and physical therapy so Remy's concern doesn't quite stem from her worry over his well-being. Her thoughts turn to another doctor whom she knows to be walking around somewhere in the hospital, feeling things he is not used to. And just as she lets the thought enter her head, she feels his presence.
House leans on his cane, watching Chase through the glass and somehow fixing her with a look at the same time. A physical impossibility, but a Houseian possibility.
Remy sees the hesitance in his glance and realizes that despite how alike she and him are, he is worried what her reaction will be. And rightfully so, she adds, feeling a wave of acute pain for her boyfriend who almost died. The thought suffocates her, so she exits the room and meets those icy blue eyes with a patented glare of her own.
"He's going to be fine. He's already regained some feeling in his legs and he wants to begin physical therapy as soon as he's allowed to." Remy pauses, knowing full-well House is not going to respond. "He defended you in front of Cofield."
House merely shrugs. "Stupid is as stupid does."
She rolls her eyes, not having anticipated anything more than this display of nonconcern, really a manifest of the depth of his concern.
"How are you, House?"
Now he is surprised. "Don't tell me you're following in Cameron's footsteps. That, in there, is your boyfriend. And this, out here, is me. You're supposed to be worried about him and not me, or did you forget about that part?"
But she is not easily deterred, although her jawline tightens slightly at the mentioning of Cameron. Interesting, residual jealousy, he notes absentmindedly.
"How observant of you but you forgot that in there is my fiancé and out here is my friend. Is there a rule against inquiring about the well-being of both?"
House's eyes surreptitiously move to her hands and she extends her left hand, letting him see the ring even if she knows he was aware of this development.
"Even more then. You are expected to yell at me, make accusations, side with everyone else and not look like you care for more than one of us. I am the bad guy here, or did you miss the memo?"
"Seeing as I don't work here any more, I might have missed it. Was it with the memo about foregoing the presumption of innocence and declaring everyone who tries to make sense of you, persona non grata?"
A sound from Chase's room makes her turn her head and House notices the worry in Remy's eyes and how they soften after realizing he was just mumbling in his sleep. With a jolt, he is reminded that Remy is not Cameron and can't be played in the same way.
"Do you blame yourself, House?"
Her attention is back at him and he knows she can read him so well. There isn't a point to this charade he puts up with everyone else and they both are very much aware of it.
"I don't know."
He is quiet and she can hear the brokenness, the evidence of his real feelings he runs away from, in that one short sentence.
"You take risks when no one else does and your brilliance has saved more lives than other doctors' carefulness."
"I manipulated my team into agreeing with me while I knew Chase would disobey and go ahead with something else. I wanted to see it play out and well, there it is. All played out."
He gestures towards the room but sees Remy shake her head almost imperceptibly.
"Taub told me he brought a scalpel to the room. Robert knew what he was doing and he endangered himself, Adams and the patient with his actions. That's why he defended you."
House cannot believe what he's hearing and it takes a second for him to realize she's started to defend him as well, not siding with her boyfriend – fiancé – like she's supposed to. For the life of him, he cannot understand how this has happened and he feels the sudden desire to steer her off that path of guaranteed doubts and destruction.
"So, now it's Robert's fault? He was just doing what he thought was right." He deliberately uses his first name, to give him some power over the conversation going awry.
"If it's not your fault, then it must be his, right?"
"But it is my fault!" The exclamation is out before House can stop his own thoughts which leaves him wide-eyed. I've been played, he realizes the moment he sees the slight smirk on her face.
"Can't it be nobody's fault, then?" She is now more gentle, probing still but having achieved something she was looking for.
"I save lives but..." He can't continue but she knows what he's saying.
"But this makes you wonder whether it really is worth it all. Whether putting your team in harm's way could've been stopped if you had been less like you and more like everyone else."
"What, now you're agreeing with me?"
"I'm not in the business of agreeing with anyone. I'm making sure my friend does not beat himself up about things outside of his control, while giving him a safe way to express certain things. It is okay to care sometimes, House. It is okay to feel responsible but it is not okay to be angry at yourself and deduce all the outcome from this situation to your actions alone."
She looks at him as if everything's been cleared and House realizes three very important things. One, fault is shared between three people – him, Chase and the patient. Two, Thirteen is the second friend he has had. And three, he is so going to throw Chase's bachelor party.
A/N: I wasn't really happy with House getting away with everything just because he saved the man's life in the end. His own outburst at this gave me the idea of how he really views the whole situation. He is not feelingless, he just feels from a distance.
Thoughts, comments, anything?