Edit: Fixed some grammar and spelling. Now it sucks 12% less!
Tony held open the door, allowing McGee to push Delilah through the doorway into a large multiplex, "Hey, Wheels, if I buy tickets, you two okay with buying the popcorn and drinks?"
Delilah smiled and nodded in agreement with Tony's plan, "Sounds good to me."
Tony pulled his wallet from his back pocket as he stepped over to the ticket booth, "Three for Batman v Superman." He said, holding out his debit card towards the cashier.
"That'll be $36.60." The cashied said, taking the card and swiping it, but it didn't work, so she tried it again, "Uh, Sir, it's not working."
Tony squinted at the cashier, "Really? I just bought lunch with it today, can you try again?"
The cashier swiped the card once again, "Declined." She gritted her teeth, "Do you have a different card?" She politely asked.
"No." Tony shook his head, but took two $20 bills from his wallet and handed them to her.
The cashier collected Tony's changed, handing it to him, plus three tickets, "Theater #7, on your left, hope you enjoy the movie."
"Thanks." Tony took the money and tickets and made his way towards Delilah and McGee.
"Everything alright, Tony?" Delilah asked.
"Yeah." Tony answered, handing Delilah their tickets, "My card was declined."
"Probably just a computer error, happens all the time." Delilah speculated, "Which theater?"
"Yeah, you're probably right." Tony hit his wallet a few times with the card before sliding it back into its clear holder, "Uhh, #7, on the left."
Tony yawned as he walked by, pressing his NCIS identification up against an electronic reader. A buzzer goes off.
"DiNozzo." A NCIS security guard called out.
Tony stopped and turned, "What's up, Finn?"
"The machine didn't recognize your ID."
Tony returned to the security desk and pressed it against the machine, but it buzzed again, "Ahhh, crap, now I'm wondering if I got my cards to close to a magnet or something, I had trouble with my debit card yesterday."
"I, uhh, don't think so, Tony." The security guard stated, "It's telling me to take your ID and..."
"Haha, good one, Finn." Tony tried his card again, but got the same result as before.
The security guard reached out and took the card and picked up his phone, "Sir, we have a situation."
"Situation?" Tony removed his sunglasses, his frustration was growing hastily, "What now?"
"Where's Gibbs?" Vance asked, his hands were resting on the railing of the balcony overlooking the squad room.
"Haven't seen him this morning, Director." Bishop answered.
"Me either." McGee added.
"Find him, there's a situation in the lobby with DiNozzo."
"Ahh, hell, what did you do this time, DiNozzo?" Gibbs groaned, taking a swig of his coffee, McGee and Bishop were right behind him.
"No idea, Boss." Tony shrugged his shoulders, "My ID's not working."
McGee stepped forward, "Didn't you have trouble..."
"Yeah, my debit card didn't work last night either."
"I called tech support, but they haven't arrived yet, Sir." The security guard let it be know.
"Have you tried smacking it?" Gibbs questioned.
"Let me look at it, Boss." McGee said, pulling his ID from his jacket pocket and pressed it against the machine, it beeped, "Huh, the machine is working." He looked at the security guard, "May I look at your computer?"
The security guard nodded and stepped aside as McGee began to type, his eyes opened wide as he looked up from the monitor, "Uhh, Tony."
"What do you mean, 'I'm dead?'" Tony asked, fidgeting with the NCIS guest badge that hung from his suit chest pocket. He was now standing in the bullpen, looking at the big screen, "Do I look dead, McGee?"
"I dunno what to tell ya, all of your accounts have been frozen."
"Wait, even my bank account?"
McGee slowly nodded.
"Are you kidding me?!" Tony hurried over to McGee's desk, he looked at where McGee's finger was pointing at on the monitor, "What the f..."
"All right, Tony, calm down." Gibbs rose from his desk, "Can't you hack it, Tim?"
"Hack what exactly, Boss?" McGee looked at Gibbs.
"Well, gee, McGee, how about, I'm not fucking dead!" Tony's anger level was clearly at the breaking point, "Try that for starters."
McGee continued typing, but stopped, he quickly stood up and grabbed the clicker, an image popped up on the big screen.
"Is that a death certificent?" Bishop squinted at the screen, "Anthony Dio DiNozzo, Junior. Date issued: March 27th. That was yesterday."
"It gets worse." McGee used the clicker to zoom in on a name, "Signed by: Donald Mallard, M.D."
"Oh, great, Ducky performed my autopsy." Tony moved over to his desk and sat down, he sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking defeated, he raised his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes with the palms, "Hell, maybe I finally died from the plague?" He groaned.
"It says natural causes." McGee said. Tony lowered his hands and looked over at Tim, "Uhh, yeah, right, you were joking. Sorry."
"Alright, DiNozzo." Vance began, moving into the bullpen area, "After talking to Ducky and making a few calls, the bad news is: the Social Security Administration has accidentally entered your social security number into it's death master file."
"So, they fixed it, right?" Tony questioned.
"No." Vance said, "And this is where that bad news gets worse, they can't re-open your accounts until you prove you're not dead."
"Uhh, yeah." Tony pointed at himself, showing that he was alive.
"They told me it could take 2-3 months."
"That's really funny, Director, 2-3 months." Tony let out a fake laugh, "You got me, but how long is it really gonna take?"
Director Vance just stared at Tony, not saying a word.
What happened next would've made George Carlin blush, the sheer amount of expletives used in the next ten minutes was staggering to say the least, but then it got even worse.
"Mr. DiNozzo." A man called out as he Tony walked into his apartment complex, "The owner wants you out by next Monday."
Tony stopped, looking at man, he knew him as the building's superintendent, "What?"
"Technically he has to right to throw you out today, but since you've been a loyal tenant for so long, he's giving you a week to get your things out."
Tony shook his head in disgust, "Do you have his number?" He asked, taking his cell phone out of his pocket, he clicked on the phone button, but suddenly realized, he no longer had phone service, "For the love of..." He sighed, "Never mind."
Tony was sitting on the edge of his couch, his head in his hands, motionless.
"Junior." Senior called out, knocking on the front door of Tony's apartment, "You in there?"
"Yeah, it's open, Dad."
Senior opened the door and walked inside, "Junior, what happened?"
Tony lowered his hands from his face, "My life has went to shit."
"It can't be that bad, son."
But Senior was wrong, it got worse. The next day, Tony's car was repossessed and he came to the sad conclusion that he would have to beg money from his friends or start selling things from his apartment.
And then this happened...
"Uh, yes, I'm calling to see if you'd like to buy a baby grand piano, sure, I'll hold."
Tony sat down at his piano and tickled the keys with his free hand as he waited. He tilted his head, securing his new burner phone between his head and shoulder and began playing the piano with both hands, "Yesterday..." He started singing, "All my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be. There's a shadow hanging over me. Oh..."
A knock on the door made him stop playing, "Is that you, Dad? The doors open." He heard the sound of the doorknob turning just as the person on the phone came back on.
"What kind of piano is it, Sir?"
"It's a Samick." Tony replied, "It's a 1972."
"Okay, one second, Sir, I will ask."
Tony slid off the piano bench and spun towards the front door, "Did you need some..." He started to say, but stopped, seeing someone he hadn't see in close to three years standing in the doorway.
The phone tumbled down his body before smacking hard against the hardwood floor. Tony's breathing quickened, his pulse racing. He closed his eyes and re-opened them, she was still there.
Ziva David was standing no more than ten feet away from Tony.
Tony swallowed hard, "Ziva." He whispered, his lips started to tremble. Just hearing her name again rocked him to his very core.
Their eyes connected, she tilted her head ever so slightly, letting out a smile. The sexual tension in the room kept growing and feeding off the undeniable attractive they had for one another. He couldn't stop himself from taking a step forward and she followed suit and just like that, the overwhelming urge between them exploded and they were once again in each other's arms, passionately kissing just like the last time they were together on that tarmac in Israel, lost in each other.
She leapt into his arms and without hesitation he carried her into the bedroom. He sat her down on edge of the bed, their hands tearing at each other's clothing, he pulled at the bottom of her pants, yanking them off in one clean jerk. He dove in between her legs, her hands feverishly working to push his slacks past his hips, she gasped as his hardness entered her. He thrusted with short, steady strokes, but he couldn't control himself, he hadn't felt this good in a long time. He lifted his head slightly. his mouth opened as he neared orgasm. She gnawed at his chin as he let go, coming deep inside her.
Tony took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. She placed her hands on his neck, running her hands along it very slowly, she lovingly smiled up at him, "Hi." She uttered the first word to him in almost three years. They shared another kiss as tears of joy streamed down both of their faces.
Tony awoke alone in bed, he looked around, but Ziva was nowhere to be found. He swung his legs out of the bed, planting his feet onto the floor. He pushed himself up and walked into his bathroom. He turned on the shower and stepped inside, feeling the full blast on his face. He sighed deeply, "Please don't be a dream."
AN- Sadly, Batman v Superman kinda sucked. Batman and Wonder Woman kicked ass, tho.