I wish I could explain this. All I know is it's 1:45 am, I'm emotional over these two and listening to "Waiting For You" by Grizfolk on repeat, which is where this came from. Kind of pointless, nothing too deep, just something that happened. Enjoy. Or not. Whatever. :)
He's in her every step, her every thought, her every decision. It's natural, part of her subconscious. At this point, she's realized, he has become a part of her. She wonders if that's how it is when you meet the one. And then you leave him. Maybe she took half of him with her? She knows he's still got a hold of half of her.
She celebrates every success picturing how it would be if he were there with her. He'd smile so easily, so genuinely, and say something about how he knew she had it in her. He'd hand her a glass of champagne, kiss her temple, and look at her like she held his entire world.
She takes in every defeat trying to imagine the pep talk he'd give her. The thought of his encouragement (imaginary as it may be) gives her the strength to get back up again and keep trying.
When she's told she is nominated for two grammys-her first ever-she finds she has no one in London that she truly wants to celebrate with. So she hops on a plane without really thinking it through. She calls Sadie from the Toronto airport and waits patiently on a bench for Sadie to pick her up.
"A little notice might have helped, you idiot," she calls from the open window of her car. Jude grins widely and gets into the car, leaning over and attacking her sister in a hug. Sadie laughs, Jude cries.
Jude and Sadie spend a full twenty-four hours locked in her childhood home catching up. Even though they talk on the phone regularly, it's a different story in person.
Jude spends times with SME, she meets up with Kwest, Jamie, Zeppelin.
She stares at Kwest, who is sitting on the couch watching the news. He must feel her eyes on him because he meets her gaze and laughs. "He's still here, you know. Same place."
Jude nods. "Right," she says nonchalantly, as if the thought hasn't crossed her mind.
(It has.)
She pretends it's not on her mind when Kwest heads up to bed, keeps on pretending while she's in the shower, while she washes her face, while she changes into pajamas. But she stops pretending at midnight when she rolls out of bed, slips into a light jacket, and heads out the door, picking up Sadie's keys on her way out the door.
She finds herself at his door.
It's old and black and familiar in the most unfamiliar way.
She knocks twice and waits. She rings the bell after a moment. She turns to leave right before the door swings open. She turns around and meets his tired eyes.
"Hi," she offers shyly.
His eyebrows furrow in confusion. He rubs a hand over his face, like maybe he's imagining her standing at his door. He clears his throat. "Come in," he says, his voice thick with sleep.
She enters his apartment and looks around. It throws her off, for a minute, how nothing has changed about his surroundings.
"Want some water?" he asks. She shakes her head and he enters further into his home. She stands still, unsure of what to do.
"Come on," Tommy says with an eyeroll, like she's the biggest hassle in his life. She smiles slightly and follows him. She's surprised that he's headed toward his room. She enters his warm, dark bedroom and sits down at the edge of his bed. He shuts his bedroom door, but leaves the light off. The moonlight lights his room well enough.
"What are you doing here?" he finally asks, and he still seems so exhausted. She wonders, for a moment, if he's alright. Maybe something's seriously wrong.
"Are you okay?" she asks. He leans against his closed door and rests his head back.
"I haven't slept in twenty-four hours. I was only asleep for a half hour before you arrived," he admits.
"I'm sorry," she says, all of a sudden feeling super guilty.
He shakes his head. "Are you okay?" he asks.
She nods. They're quiet for a minute and Jude takes him in. His tall, built body is hidden under a black t-shirt and baggy grey sweatpants.
"What haven't you slept in twenty-four hours?"
He shrugs and she notices the way his eyes keep bouncing around the room, unable to focus on anything for too long. "Wrapping up an album, you know how it goes."
She smiles "Yes, I do."
Another beat.
"I miss you," she says quietly.
He shakes his head and finally meets her eyes. "I miss you too."
She clears her throat. "It's been awhile."
He laughs. "Yeah, a couple of years."
She nods. She left for London almost two years ago. It's not that she and Tommy completely cut ties after that. They talked on the phone every so often. But the calls were few and far between.
(No matter how few and far between, every conversation with him felt like the best conversation she'd had in months.)
"Hey," he says quietly. "I'm proud of you. On the grammy nods."
She's so filled with warmth when he says this. She lets out a loud sound, a mix of a laugh and a sigh. "It didn't feel real until right now. Like I had to talk about it with you for it to really set in."
A look crosses over his face that she can't read. "I knew you had it in you," he says.
She closes her eyes and is surprised to find that she's crying when she opens her eyes. He slowly crosses the room and sits beside her, looking forward. "Nothing really feels real, it seems, unless you're there. Not even physically there… I just, I pretend like you're with me. Is that weird?"
He chuckles. "I do that too, sometimes."
She nods, looks down at her feet. She's wearing moccasin slippers, which she only just now realized. "Tommy," she says quietly.
He looks at her. She keeps her head down. "What if I told you… that I want to come home. That… that you're my home?"
He's silent. She keeps her head down. She thinks that this moment might go on forever and ever until he finally puts a hand on her knee. She looks up at him and he's staring at her like she holds the world.
"I'd say welcome home," he says quietly.
She cocks her head to the side, surprised and overwhelmed with love. "Really?"
"Doesn't matter how far you are, Jude. What adventures I have, what you do. Nothing compares to how it feels to be loved by you, and to love you."
She lets out a watery laugh and nearly jumps into his arms, taking in his everything as he hugs her tightly. She pulls away only so that she can pull him back into a warm kiss. It's the first time her stomach does that warm flippy thing in two years. Like she's finally whole again. She never wants this feeling to end. She suspects that it won't, not if she's with him.