Poe stumbled out of his X-wing, threw the memory drive that contained all reports on movements of the First Order he'd been able to collect at Jess, and stormed off to the sickbay, BB-8 rolling and whirring after him.

"Thanks, good to see you, too!" Jess called after him.

Poe ignored her. That mission had lasted way too long for his comfort. He needed to see Finn.

Finn didn't look like he was in a coma, no matter what Kalonia said. He just looked like he was sleeping, calm and as if he'd wake up rested and energetic in a couple of hours.

But he likely wouldn't, not anytime soon.

Maybe he wouldn't wake up ever again.

Poe put his head in his hands. He didn't want to think those thoughts, but they kept pushing at him, getting into his brain, refusing to leave.

Sometimes, when he looked away from Finn for a moment and then back, he thought his friend had moved a little, that he was awake. Kalonia was very kind every time she had to tell Poe that it was only in his imagination. That didn't make it better. Poe wanted someone to shout at him, to shake him, to hit him – anything to distract him from that other kind of pain, the kind that wasn't physical but felt just as bad, if not worse.

He didn't even know why he cared so much. He hadn't known Finn for that long, but they'd gotten on so well – like they just fit – and for that short time in the stolen TIE-fighter, Poe had thought that that was exactly the right start to that kind of story.

Poe sighed and leaned back in his chair. He wasn't going to go on any more missions until Finn woke up, he decided. He didn't think he'd be able to leave again.

Poe wasn't honestly very good at being patient, but he knew that he had to be. He wasn't good at not doing things to improve the general situation, either, and there was nothing more frustrating than having to wait like this.

"It's going to take a while for him to wake up, and that's good, it's normal," Kalonia had said. "His body needs to rest."

Still, it wasn't easy not to be selfish. Poe couldn't help but wish Finn would just wake up, no matter what Kalonia said. He yawned. He was so tired, but it was hard to sleep in this room with its bright lights and sterile surfaces. He curled up in his chair as comfortably as he could. His back was already killing him, so he might as well stay here.

Someone knocked and came in without waiting for an answer. It was Jess. "Hey," she said, frowning at him.

"Hey."

"You look like you've been digested by a sarlacc," she said, charming as ever. "Why don't you go to your room and get some sleep in a proper bed? Well, a bed. Mine is tiny, I assume yours is the same."

"I'm fine here," Poe said not taking his eyes off Finn. He looked peaceful, as though he was sleeping.

"Poe," Jess said seriously. "Come on. You've been here nearly constantly since you've come back. Have you even washed?"

"Yes," he said, because he had. Not very regularly or thoroughly, but she didn't need to know that.

"We're worried about you," Jess said. "You creepily staring at him isn't going to wake him up, you know?"

Poe looked up. "I know," he said. "But I don't want to leave him."

Jess sighed. "All right. But, please, at least get a pillow or something. My back hurts just looking at you."

He nodded, already back to watching Finn.

Jess mumbled something. Poe was pretty sure it was a curse. He felt sorry for making his squadron worry, but he couldn't leave. He needed to be there when Finn woke up – he didn't really know anyone else here, after all, and Poe didn't want him to wake up in a white room with only near-total strangers, or, worse, all alone.

BB-8 rolled in some time during the night, followed by C-3PO, who was carrying a pillow.

"Master Poe," he said, his metallic voice loud in the room that was otherwise completely quiet except for the amplified sound of Finn's heartbeat and BB-8's occasional whirrs. "I was asked to bring you this."

"Oh," Poe said. "Thanks, 3PO. That's – nice of you."

"You're very welcome. And may I say, the odds of Master Finn waking up are –"

"Please," Poe interrupted him. "I really don't want to know." He didn't think he could handle someone being scientific and rational about Finn's waking up right now.

"Of course," C-3PO said, inclining his head and leaving the room.

BB-8 rolled closer and nudged Poe's leg. He hooted quietly.

"I know Kalonia is the best," Poe said.

BB-8 made a whistling noise.

"Yes, I also know she's been saying he's probably going to be fine."

BB-8 whirred.

Poe sighed. "Thanks, but you don't have to stay."

BB-8 ignored him and stayed right where he was. Even though Poe had told him he wouldn't mind his leaving, he was glad that his little droid had decided to stay. He was an odd comfort, and Poe knew that BB-8 worried about Finn as well, even if he pretended not to like him much.

BB-8 beeped.

"Alright," Poe said, tiredness finally getting the better of him. "But wake me if anything happens."

He met with General Organa the next day. He hadn't wanted to – he'd wanted to stay with Finn. But Poe loved his job, because it wasn't just his job, it was part of his life. He believed in the Resistance and fighting for it.

He also believed in Finn.

He wasn't stupid, though. When you were told to meet with the General, you met with the General. Poe knew his duties, and he wasn't going to forget about them completely. He felt bad for not having done anything in the past few days, ever since Finn he'd got back, but he hadn't felt able to. He couldn't just leave Finn there all alone.

"Poe," General Organa said. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you," Poe said.

The General could obviously tell he was lying, but she didn't comment on it.

"You've been staying by Finn's side since you've come back from your last mission."

Poe nodded. "Yes," he said.

The General sighed. "I understand that. But we want you to go on a mission. There's some sensitive information that needs to be delivered to different people across the galaxy to ensure the survival of the Resistance. Despite this last victory, we have been severely weakened by the destruction of the Republic's central planets."

Poe found himself unable to say, yes, of course, General.

"I –" he started. "I don't – I'm honored you want me to go," he said. "But I – can't."

She looked at him sharply. Poe suddenly felt very small, even though the General was tiny in comparison to him. He had to look down to meet her eyes. It always felt like looking up regardless.

"I mean," he started again. "I'm needed here, isn't there anyone else you could send? I'm sure they'd all…" He trailed off. He knew this was completely unacceptable.

"You're our best, bravest pilot," General Organa said. Poe though he might only be imagining the note of pride in her voice.

"I know," he said. There wasn't any need for false humility right now. "I just think that, at the moment, I might not be."

She looked at him silently. He interpreted it as encouragement to continue speaking.

"I wouldn't – I don't think I'd be able to concentrate on the mission right now. I'd be worried, and maybe unfocused. I was on the last one. I didn't do as well as I should have. It took too long."

The General was watching him intently. She probably thought he was pathetic and should be sent anyway.

"If you believe that," she said after a few moments. "Then maybe it would be the better option to keep you here for a little longer and send someone else in your stead for now. You can go next time."

Poe felt relief and gratitude sweep over him. "Thank you, General," he said.

General Organa looked at him. She seemed much more tired than she ever had before. "Poe," she said. "Everything might be fine." She took a breath. "But it might not. You need to be able to keep the Resistance's goals in mind if something happens to throw you – off track." She'd stopped looking him in the eye, which wasn't like her.

He felt like being sick. He didn't want to think about things that might throw him off track. Finn would be fine. He would. Of course he would.

The General nodded at him and left the room.

Listening to Rey and Chewie talk after the battle, Poe had figured pretty much what had happened, and he suspected he knew why the General suddenly appeared to be much closer to her actual age than she'd used to, but it wasn't his place to speculate, and that was all private stuff, so he should just forget about it.

Poe ran a hand over his face, then made his way back to Finn.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Yes," Poe called.

It was Snap. He took a look at Poe and seemed put out. "You look like you haven't slept in ages. And your back must be killing you."

"That's what Jess said."

Snap leaned against the wall. "You okay?" he asked.

Poe shrugged. "No, but – yeah. You know."

Snap nodded. "You gotta do stuff," he said. "It's no use you moping around here, you know that."

"Of course I know that," Poe said, impatient now. "It's not that easy."

"I guess." Snap grimaced, snapping his fingers. "But, come on, Poe. This isn't like you. Why didn't you take that mission?"

Poe knew how cowardly he had to seem to his fellow pilots right now, and he felt ashamed. He'd never let them down before.

"I'm sorry," Poe said. "I just don't want to leave him alone."

Snap shrugged. "If you think this is the right thing to do."

Poe nodded, because he knew that it was. "I can go on the next one," he said, not entirely certain.

"Knowing your luck, that one'll be to Jakku," Snap said, grinning. "You always have to go to the crappy places."

Poe smiled back weakly.

Snap put a hand on his shoulder. "Come have lunch with us," he said. "You need a break from moping around. And a shower. And some sleep."

Poe got up despite himself. Maybe his friends were right. His sitting here without doing anything wasn't going to help Finn get better.

"I've been showering enough," he said, managing a small grin. "You guys are just too sensitive."

Snap laughed. "If you say so."

Poe was forced to concede that Snap had been right – lunch was a nice distraction, even though he felt guilty for leaving Finn alone. Well, not totally alone. He'd sent BB-8 to stay with him.

Jess wasn't there, and Poe wondered why for a moment, until he realized she had likely taken on the mission he had been meant to complete.

"Cheer up," Snap said, nudging Poe's side. "Kalonia's the best."

Everyone kept saying that.

"I know," Poe said. He really wanted a change of topic. "What've you guys been up to, anyway?"

Nien laughed before going back to his food.

Snap grinned as well. "Mostly making fun of Jess," he said.

"Why?" Poe asked.

Nien laughed again.

"You know that woman, Rey? The one who's gone to find Luke Skywalker and train with him to destroy the First Order once and for all? People say she's going to become a Jedi-queen or something."

Poe considered this to be proof of the way rumors travelled way too fast to be kept even remotely true, but he merely nodded. "Yeah," he said. He'd liked Rey when he'd met her.

"Well," Snap said. "Jess very obviously took a liking to her the moment she saw her, even though she won't admit it. You know Jess."

Poe did know Jess, and he couldn't help but grin. "I see," he said, immensely cheered up by these news. Jess was hilarious whenever they teased her, so they would definitely have their fun once she got back.

Right then BB-8 rolled into the room, beeping loudly and circling around the table.

"He's awake?" Poe asked because BB-8 was beeping so fast he was hard to understand.

BB-8 beeped something very insulting towards Poe's mental capabilities.

Poe jumped up and hurried out of the room towards the sickbay without another word.

Of course. Of course Finn had woken up when Poe wasn't there. Poe ran down the hallways, narrowly avoiding crashing into C-3PO. If only he hadn't gone to lunch. If he'd stayed, he could've taken care of Finn straight away. He could've been there and told him everything was going to be fine, that he wasn't going to leave. But no, he'd gone for lunch, to have fun, and this was his fault.

It turned out he couldn't even get to Finn, because he was surrounded by Kalonia, some other doctors, and medical droids.

A nurse held him back. "You can't go in here," he said.

"Please," Poe said. "I need to – to see if –"

"Wait outside, please," the nurse said. "We will inform you as soon as we can."

Poe slid down the wall of the hallway and put his head on his knees.

The nurse was right, he knew. He would only disrupt the doctors' work. Still, he couldn't suppress the desire to see Finn, to make sure he was okay, to look into his eyes and maybe Finn would smile at him and –

BB-8 nudged him and whooped quietly. Poe looked at the droid and forced himself to smile. "Thanks, BB-8," he said.

BB-8 whirred and stayed at his side.

Together, they waited.

After what felt like forever, Kalonia let them in.

Finn was still lying there like he had the entire time, and for a moment Poe was afraid that maybe he hadn't woken up after all. Then he realized that Finn's eyes were open and focused on him.

"Poe?" Finn croaked, and Poe dropped to his knees next to him, taking his hand. He felt like crying with relief, but he didn't think that would make Finn feel better.

"Yeah?" he said instead. "Finn, are you okay?"

"Where's Rey?" Finn whispered.

Poe squeezed Finn's hand and took a breath.

This story will be updated every Monday, it will be 10 chapters in total. There will eventually be mild sexual content, but mostly it's rated M to be safe.