I sit in the back of the plane behind Christina trying to hide from him. I mean it's clear now that he doesn't feel the same way and I should just move on. But that's just the thing, I can't. Every time I try, my whole body keeps telling me it's the wrong thing to do. I feel the tears pooling in my eyes and I grip the armrests of my seat and try to pull myself together. I can't let him see me like this. I glance at him again, the fifth time now in the last minute. He's still in the same position as he was when we took off. His back uptight against the seat and like mine, his arm is gripping the armrest of his seat. His gaze is focused out the small window of the plane and every few minutes he glances down at the patient's notes for the operation in Boise. I don't think I can take another three hours of this flight.
Derek and Meredith are sitting directly behind him, their hands clasped together as they work on their crossword puzzle. How I would love to be like that. Maybe not as gag worthy as the show that they're putting on right now but, happy. I can feel my eyes consistently wandering over to Mark. Damn it I've got to keep myself occupied. I look around for something to do and I remember Dr. Robbins asking me to speak with her before we land about my part in the surgery. Oh perfect I think, she's sitting right across from Mark. Well I'm gonna have to face this sometime so it might as well be now I think as I stride up between the rows of seats. Derek's eyes catch mine as I pass and he lightly nods his head towards Mark questioningly. I quickly shake my head in response. No way am I going to get caught up in another situation like the last time, especially when we're all stuck in a confined space together for the next few hours. I would have no escape route when I messed up and started rambling on about nonsense.