Crack Fic Drabble: Rukia's got a suitor and its driving Ichigo insane, with Renji's sudden visit, Ichigo's inner world is in total crap.

AN: My first attempt at crack fic drabble. I hope you'll like it.  (Could be a multiple chaptered thingy – depending on your feedback)

Disclaimer : Yeah, yeah, bleach and it's character ain't mine. (Come on Kubo, you can always marry me if ever you get bored in drawing!)

Kurosaki Ichigo has been listening in their phone extension through the adjacent clinic in their house for two hours now. As much as his pride wouldn't take the embarrasment that he would face should anybody find what he has been doing, but his curiosity cannot be sufficed – the mere fact that Rukia – that over a century-year old shinigami has been giggling like a stupid grade schooler over the phone for the last couple of hours. With his every vein popping out at every flattery the guy is telling her, he is sooooooo tempted to go on bankai mode and slash the bastard repeatedly until he had run out of blood.

Yes, that stupid jerk is trying all his might to get Rukia to his bed – like he – Kurosaki Ichigo, the ryoka who was able to stop Kuchiki Rukia's death sentence, who went head to head with Zaraki Taicho of the 11th division and Kuchiki Taicho of the 6th division, - not to mention that he was the vaizard who had helped Soul Society to defeat Aizen and his espadas would let that. No. Hyouginzimaru would first freeze hell before he would let anyone hurt Rukia. Hah, he wouldn't risk his life for her so that she could waste it away with some punk!

Damn her, how could she even stomach those stupid sweet nothings….

"Ichigooooooooo"

Shit.

"Hah!!! And you thought you could evade my attack for the day!! You are getting lame my son!!" A triumphant Isshin menacingly laughed as he stomped Ichigo's head to the floor.

"Why you….!!!" Ichigo quickly got up after his initial shock and kicked his father out of the clinic.

"But.. But.." whined Kurosaki Isshin as he tries to push the door open.

"Get the fucking out of my room – you moron!!!" pissed, the orange haired college freshman locked "his" room and returned to 'his' phone.

"THAT ISN'T YOUR ROOM!!! THAT'S THE CLINIC!!!" he heard his father's scream from the other side of the door.

"I.. I AM.. errr.. RESEARCHING!!" he replied, wishing that his older geezer would buy his lame excuse.

"Oh? Really? I am soooooo proud of you my sooon!!! Open the door and give your proud father a big bear hug!!!" three veins popped out of the orange haired shinigami.

"SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!! FREAK!!" Damn. That was close. Geez, I can't believe he used to be a captain – acting all stupid like that. He grumpily thought, resuming his 'phone escapade', but before he could put the phone on his ears, his substitute shinigami badge began to flicker, a hollow must have appeared somewhere in the city.

Damn.

Pulling out his soul reaper spirit, Ichigo dashed to the window. Rukia should be following me in a while. He thought, as he shunpoed to the park.

Ichigo has been running and dodging the hollow's attack for fifteen minutes and Rukia is yet to show herself.

That bitch. Is she really getting that stupid – forgetting about her shinigami duties just flirt with that dim-wit guy?! Arghhh!

"Are you really getting that lame Kurosaki, that you cannot kill such a weakling like this one? Or are you still planning to go on bankai mode?" A smirking Abarai Renji slashed through the hollow, irritating Ichigo even more.

"Shut up"

"I hit a nerve eh?" Renji chuckled, eyeing the orange haired substitute shinigami more closely. "I can smell you heavy reiatsu from our headquarters so I've decided to drop by, and what do we have here?!.. a sulking soul reaper! " the red haired vice captain made faces, pissing the substitute shinigami even more.

"Shut up, monkey freak"

"Ohhh.. so you really are pissed strawberry? I wonder why.. Hey, where is Rukia anyway?" he asked after realizing the absence of the Kuchiki princess.

"How the hell would I know? Do I look like her baby sitter to you?" Ichigo crossed his arms and scowled at the 6th vice captain.

"Ooooohhh! So ITS Rukia you're grumpy about?! Why? Did she dropped you for a more mature thinking, good looking guy?" Renji menacingly smiled at Ichigo, to the utter loathing of the orange haired shinigami.

"SHUT UP!!"

"Hmm.. on the second thought, how could she 'drop' you when you didn't have the balls to ask her out?"

That's it monkey face!

BAN-KAI.

Zangetsu cannot help but chuckle. Zabimaru laughed out loud.

Kuchiki Rukia jolted as she felt Ichigo's bankai with Renji's reiatsu. A hollow?? She hurriedly reached for her soul phone to check. No signs of a hollow.. but…

"Don't worry Rukia-nee, looks like Ichi-nii's doing a target practice with your red haired friend in the park… No need to rush in there. He is being stupid again - as usual." Kurosaki Karin winked at the raven haired shinigami as she entered their house.

Rukia sighed, Those two are going to get what they want later! Practicing at the park?! Ichigo in bankai mode? Some bones are going to break tonight. She shook her head unbelievingly and returned to the 'te-le-phooon' (that box with the voice! Like her cellphone but is too heavy!) It's a good thing she has Tanaka-kun, atleast she can practice using this modern day device called 'te-le-phoon'.

I hope you enjoyed it!