Days like this kept Vader inside his chambers; com-link turned off, doors locked, and absolutely no way for the outside world to reach him. Not even Sidious bothered him. Vader's master could feel his current mood through the force and reluctantly decided his apprentice could be left alone for the day.
Vader was seated at his desk, unmoving, just gazing at a hologram of his deceased wife. Days like this Vader tortured himself with memories of a past that were no longer his. These memories could not be his; they were filled with joy, happiness, and love. Emotions that Vader had no right in feeling.
Vader closed his eyes and let out an irritated sigh, eyebrows knitting together behind his mask. He didn't deserve to have these memories burned into his mind. He did not deserve to remember what love was like, although he could no longer feel the horribly amazing ache in his chest. That ache was replaced long ago with guilt - guilt for doing this to her; guilt for cutting these memories short and guilt for destroying memories before they even had a chance to become real.
Vader let out a cry of frustration, slamming his gloved fist onto the desk and causing the hologram to bounce off. He watched in horror as the disk fell and winced when it hit the ground with a solid thump. For a long, painful moment Vader stared down at it in disbelief.
The sith gingerly picked the hologram back up and checked it over a few times. Once he made sure it was not broken he carefully set it on his desk once again, this time placing the disk a few inches farther from the edge. Vader switched it back on, relief tugging at the weight on his chest when the angel's face reappeared.
She never deserved this, he told himself. Vader destroyed everything he touched. He was a killer, and she had been the complete opposite. She was the embodiment of good, and she had made it her life's mission to help people. Ironically, Vader had destroyed everything she stood for. He crushed the ideals and policies she had once lived and breathed.
Vader had killed her. He destroyed her life, took everything she had ever wanted away from her. She hated him, and because of that he had really killed her.
Vader knew for a fact that had she survived that day and lived to see what the Galactic Republic turned into, she would be beyond horrified. He had brought to life her worst nightmare, to put it simply.
Where did I go wrong? Why did I do the things I did?
"I'm so sorry, Padmé. I should have listened to you, and trusted you," Vader admitted out loud, his voice breaking just a little. "You deserved so much better. You loved me and in return I destroyed you."
Shutting the hologram off, Vader rose from his seat. He reached over to a small box and opened it. He took one last look at the only real proof he had that she was, in fact, real. Setting the disk carefully into the box, he shut the lid and locked it. Vader once again locked away the memories of a past life, a life that was no longer his.