A/N: This is my first fanfiction, adapted from a book that I started to write a loooong time ago (like 15 years!), I don't have a beta, so please dust any mistakes I have made with a little sugar and advice x

Disclaimer: All NCIS:Los Angeles characters belong to CBS, I just borrowed them for my story :)

I need you, please don't give up, pleeease' she cries to him, fog billows forward and envelops her, 'HELENA!' he yells and tries to run, but he can't move, he reaches his arms towards her, desperate to grip her hand and pull her back to him, he can no longer see her, he can suddenly move, he runs into the fog, yelling her name, but she's gone 'WHERE ARE YOU?' he shouts, silence, he can hear nothing, he can see nothing, then she screams and he awakes.

The scream echoed through Callen as he awoke covered in sweat yet shivering as though he had been sleeping on a bed made of ice cold snow. He shook his head trying to decipher where the scream had originated, he quickly realised that it was from the nightmare. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, shuffling his feet in the soft pile of the carpet he pondered the events of that day of six months ago, events that had catapulted out of his control within such a short space of time. He had been so happy, he had felt security and had started to see a future that contained more than just loneliness and distrust, feelings that he never thought would be part of his world. One day - that was all it took, one day to bring him crashing back to reality, the reality of the life he had previously become accustomed to. The life he thought he could finally leave behind, not just shut away for mind protection, but packed up comfortably in little boxes that no longer needed to be opened. He almost laughed; the joke had been on him. Why on earth did he think that the happiness was his? It wasn't like he deserved it.

'Shit' he murmured, he felt so drained and tired, tired of the nightmares, tired of fighting demons from his past, tired of watching her disappear every night and not being able to find her. He couldn't recall a single night from the past six months where his sleep hadn't been plagued by the same nightmare. When awake he spent many a silent moment, playing that day through his head, positive that some small but precious detail had been overlooked, a clue which would set him free from some of the torment that his mind made him endure. She would no longer be a missing person, he would have answers and as much as it would probably finish him, he would at least be able to mourn properly. 'No, don't think like that' he said to himself, she was alive, he felt it, he knew it! The nightmares were there to remind him not to stop searching, they were her way of reaching out to him, reaching out to him through his sleep, he couldn't give up - he wouldn't give up, not just for him but for Gabrielle too.

'Gabi' he said to himself, his precious saviour.

Gabrielle was Helena's 7 year old daughter, every day she looked and behaved more like her mother, and in spite of everything that had happened he felt lucky to still have her in his life. Gabrielle's father, a marine, had lost his life during a tour when she was 3. Helena's parents died when she was a teenager and with no other living relatives to take her, she had been placed with some foster parents. Callen had been distraught at the idea of her being in a foster home 'Get her out of there!' he had practically shrieked at Hetty.

'All taken care of Mr Callen' she had told him, 'I have called in a favour and arranged for you to have custody of Gabrielle'.

'Me?' he had replied in astonishment.

'Yes, You' Hetty confirmed.

'But.. how can I? I have nothing in my house, I wouldn't even know where to start with taking care of a child, what about my long days?'

'Taken care of Mr Callen' Hetty had said in a firm voice 'The furnishing company will be at your house first thing tomorrow morning; they will furnish and dress your home suitably for a child to live in'.

She had then stood up from her chair and come round to the front of her desk, taken his hand with her two smaller hands and told him with sincerity 'and Mr Callen you are not alone in this.. you have a team.. No.. you have a family, a family who want to help, who will ensure you both have all the support you will need'.

Five months, 3 weeks and 1 day ago, the furnishers and his team had appeared, filling his quiet empty house with chaos and people and by then end of the day they had turned it into a home.

Kensi and Deeks packed Gabi's things from Helena's apartment, making sure she had some pictures of her mother and father in her new home; they had left everything else alone, at Callen's request, as he believed that the arrangement would be short-term, 'Helena will be home soon and she'll want her home to be there' he told them.

Sam had arrived with a swing, 'she needs a swing' he had stated when he caught Callen's bemused expression as he carried it through to the back garden.

'Needs?' Callen had asked,

'Yes – needs' Sam replied, smiling as he clicked the first two poles together, 'Every child loves to swing'.

Nell and Eric turned up with several bags full of groceries, 'Well you now have to eat right, Callen', Nell had declared as she pushed past him when he opened the front door.

His team had rallied in support and had really been there for him, he knew how much they cared, but between them and the furnishers, he had never seen so many people in his house at once, and was almost thankful when they had left – almost thankful, for he also remembered standing in his newly assembled home, blinking at the front door after everyone had left, wondering how the hell he was going to do this, questioning himself before he had even started.

Hetty brought Gabi the following morning, and as much as his heart ached for Helena he smiled at the little girl running around the house whooping and declaring big wows at all the rooms in her 'new' home, she had finished her circuit of the house, launching herself at him with a big hug 'I love you G, Mom's gonna be stoked when she sees all this, we're gonna be soooo happy here' she had squealed'. Callen had to muster every masking skill he had ever learnt, to not let her see his heart break, he had no idea where Helena was, who had taken her or why, all he knew was that every lead they had followed in the past seven days had gone nowhere.

Every night since, he would wake, shake off the nightmare, unscramble his confused brain and then assure himself that it was perfectly natural for a 'parent' to check on their children when they themselves awoke. He had never previously thought about being a parent, a 'father', he was so damaged that the thought of putting that onto a small human was a responsibility that he didn't want, but he had felt an immediate bond with the little girl the day he met her. She was filled with a light that illuminated any room she was in, just as her mother had lit his days with a love he never thought he would experience. Helena had amazed him with her capacity to love and how she lived life with so much optimism, despite all that she had experienced and lost. This little girl had also lost so much and like her mother, her light was still shining, Callen was determined to make sure that it never went out. He would find her mother, he would bring her home and they will be a family.

After very little persuasion Callen got up, he padded quietly down the hall to Gabi's bedroom, slowly opening the door to lesson any creeks and poked his head round the door edge, she was fast asleep with her hand by her face, her long dark hair tied up in a sleep bun, jade green eyes hidden by closed eyelids, oblivious to him and the cruel world outside. She slept soundlessly, without the nightmare that had disturbed his sleep, she looked innocent and beautiful sleeping in a position that told the world she felt secure and happy. He closed the door as quietly as he had opened it, he stood motionless for a few moments, listening to the silence of the house then quietly he went downstairs.

Although it had been discussed, planned even, they had not moved in together and until Hetty stepped in with her furnishing company, the house still hadn't more than a bed and chair, yet her image was imprinted on every part of his house. Her energy made him feel alive, she had the unique ability to fill him with hope and future, she had brought life to his house and it felt like a home whenever she was around. He thought back to the day that they met. A bright beautiful sunshine with the greenest eyes he had ever seen was standing behind the counter at the Coffee shop, she hadn't said much to him, but her smile, her presence or aura or whatever it was, had put a spring in his step for the whole day. Sam had remarked on his extraordinary good mood in feigned shock and even when Deeks had pranced around the desk area singing 'spring is in the air' it hadn't removed an ounce of the good feeling he had inside. He returned to the coffee shop every day, exchanging small talk with the sunshine, until he eventually found the courage to ask her out on a date, and to his surprise and delight, she passed him a piece of paper with her address and a time written on it.

The summer had breezed by like no other summer he had known before, trips to the beach, park, zoo, BBQ's with Sam and his family and evenings out. He had fallen for her so quickly, so deeply it had surprised him, yet hadn't scared him. She was like sunlight to a rainy day, he felt happy, his days felt good, even his nightmares had reduced to an occasional and sleep when she was with him was no longer difficult, short or interrupted.

He arrived into the living area and again stood still, remembering how it was before it was furnished and of the day he had come home to find a picnic laid out on the floor, Helena sitting on a patchwork blanket, Gabi embracing him with a hug and an excited 'G!, your home', 'Surprise!'.

Sighing, he moved to the kitchen, he felt that whatever had happened to her, had been his fault, he wished that he could turn back time, change what happened that day or maybe even go back further and not ask her out at all, leave her safe from his world. 'What right did he have to bring her and Gabi into his mess of a life? He took a small glass from the open shelf above the fridge and the bottle of scotch from the cupboard, putting the glass on the counter, he poured in the scotch to a third full, 'only one' he muttered to himself as he grabbed the glass and walked back into the living room. Feeling despondent and heavy hearted, he sat down, with only the shadows dimly illuminated by the street lamps, for he hadn't bothered with the light, he wanted to be in the dark. Callen lent back, allowing the back of the chair to support his head, one single tear dropping down the side of his face.

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