Purple Painted Sky - Chapter One - White
Dedicated to my beta and best friend, Jewel Song.
"In my field of paper flowers, and candy clouds of lullaby, I lie inside myself for hours, and watch my purple sky fly over me…" Imaginary Evanescence
I linger in the doorway...
Pain…
An endless cycle of screams…
Sensation of floating…
Where am I…?
Of alarm clocks screaming...
Soft spoken words. A flutter of movement. Endless sleep for one, sleep deprivation for the rest.
"Is he…?" The question hung heavily in the air, waiting for someone to grab it and finish it. Answer it. Deny it in any manner.
An answer drifted over to the one seeking his answer. "Not yet."
Pale hair, pale skin, motionless body, all laid upon a soft bed, but deriving nothing from the comfort offered from it. Smoothness of skin marred by cuts and scars, chest falling and rising in a continuous pattern; he had been lying there for days…
A female voice. "Is there anything we can do to help him?"
Again an answer drifted over. "Not now. He's to far gone for our help."
Eyes moved over to watch the continued breathing. A thought drifted among them all.
It's our fault…
Monsters calling my name...
Shades of white…
Shades of innocence…
I lost that a while ago…
Why am I here…?
A piece is missing…
It's burning…
Maybe if I reach…
Let me stay...
A whispered word, hushed voices…Frantic movement, wordless cries…He's leaving them…
Breath upon his lips, "Bakura…"
Tangy scent upon the air…magic…reaching, pulling, and striving for grasp…
Childish fear from the small one, "Yami, help him…please help him…"
Dissipation of the scent, taking of a hand, a light squeeze; A kiss to the forehead and a sad smile, "He doesn't want to come back…"
Where the wind will whisper to me...
Someone's here…
They're pulling at me!
Let go!
I haven't found it yet!
Another part of him asked, but, what are you looking for?
A sigh. It's here…I can feel it…
Just beyond my grasp…
Where the rain drops as they're falling...
Begging, desperate, a need to find an answer…a need to help…
"Yami, you have to try again! We can't leave him like this!"
A sad look in return, and a caress to the face. "He's broken now. Nothing we can do will fix it. We'd only make things worse for him…"
A defiant glare of lavender, stomping of tanned foot, and an accented voice. "If you won't help, I will!" A glow of bright gold and depthless glazing of eyes.
Tell a story...
They're here again…
It's burning once more…
Where's the missing piece?
Struggling to move…
A flinch away from reaching fingers…
Shades of white deepening…
A tear in the fabric around them…
Sudden look of anxiety.
Ruby eyes worried.
Three people aware of the sudden stillness…
Sweet release from the pain…
There's the missing piece…
Shades of innocence dissolving…
Grey swirling with the white…
I can see him…
He's waiting…
Waiting for me…
Should I go to him?
Should I leave these shades of white…?
A clench of stretched fingers…
Lavender widening of eyes…
A tingle deep inside…
Strings of thought weaving into the air…
The most tangible of them, scraping against his skin…
Mine…
Defiant glares, a forceful shove against the darkness beginning to enter…a sewing of the tear…
No!
Don't take him away!
…The pain is here again…
Don't take him away…
An angry cry.
An angry shove.
An angry explosion of feeling as the lavender eyes were pushed out of the revere…
Reaching of desperate fingers…
Please come back…
In my field of paper flowers...
Moody glares as the lavender eyed one sat back down…Ruby eyes flickering between lavender and pale skin. A coiling tension within his muscles.
Fingers brushed pale hair out of sleeping eyes…and the small one let out a small note of fear; a note that called for unspoken answers to his unvoiced questions.
Whispered reassurances, soft brushes of hands, murmured agreement at the thought of rest…
Again, a thought drifted among them all: What have we done?
And candy clouds of lullaby...
Fire Of The Angel: Well, Claire, it's a bit shorter than my normal fics, and a totally different writing style, but what do you think?
Jewel Song: Mmk. It was really good!
There was heavy use of "…" (Gawd, they have a name! I just can't remember what it IS!). Considering Bakura is slipping in and out of consciousness, it seems to work, but not everywhere. So, I changed some of those to more separated thoughts. Sometimes choppy works, and sometimes it doesn't. Let me know what you think.
Also, dialogue. Now, (after checking with my mom because she's a genius with grammar and stuff) I've grabbed an example from a book (John Grisham's "The Summons". I'm into law books XD), since I can't seem to explain it… frustrated
Example 1: "I wasn't the only one getting the letters or the checks," he said to a silent crowd. "There were many of us."
Do you see how it when the comma is placed and how it runs? I know there wasn't a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but I did see some of it. And if you already knew this, I'm sorry for rambling. ;
Ok, I think that's it. I didn't see ANY spelling mistakes, so kudos! I really like this, and I hope you send me the next chapter soon! (If you still want me to beta-read it, that is…) And I feel so loved with that introduction! You're meh best friend too, Amber! TACKLE GLOMP
I saved this to my computer so I'll still have it if you lose it or something, just in case. Please let me know if you have any questions or comments. (Omg, I feel like a salesperson.. ;;)
Fire Of The Angel: Great beta work! I was impressed! I'm glad I picked you to revise this. I went back over it, changed a few things and fixed the formatting…It seems that when you sent it back it got all separated and stuff…Thanks for helping!!!! Glomp I'll have the next chappy out soon!
BTW: Bakura isn't slipping in and out of consciousness; The italics are his thoughts as he drifts in the void between reality and death, and the scenes between the gang are what's going on around him…Pay attention to the colors in later chappys!
Please review.