Written one Christmas Eve and First published anonymously in 1823, this perennial classic, originally titled A Visit from St. Nicholas, was intended to be a gift from a father to his children. Instead, it has become a gift to the world. Illustrated by hundreds of artists since it's original publication, The Night Before Christmas is one of the most recognized poems of our time. Not only has it defined our image of a magical figure named Santa Claus, it has defined the wondrous season of Christmas. Blah, blah, blah... Who cares? I know! I'll just screw it up a little...
T'was the night before Christmas,
When all through Wammy House
Every creature was stirring,
Annoying like a louse;
Matt let out a yell and pulled Mello's hair,
In hopes that that he could hurt him while he's too tired to care.
The children were jumping all over their beds,
While visions of BB scared them out of their heads;
And L with his strawberries, and Near with his dice,
Were trying to calculate their chance of being naughty or nice,
When out on the doorstep arose such evil laughter,
All the orphans stopped what they were doing to see what the heck was the matter.
And so to the door they raced with bare feet,
They never could have guessed who they would meet.
The moon shining down on the twice-frozen snow,
Made his silhouette even scarier so;
When what should the porch light help us to see,
But a high school-aged guy who needed to pee,
With an awkward little shrug, they let him come in,
He was led to the restroom and handed a pin.
"For if the lock gets stuck in the frame,"
Matt said. "I've had to do the same."
The stranger returned moments later,
Stuck to his foot was some toilet paper.
The children laughed, told him he was lame,
Obviously fuming, he asked for their names.
They looked at each other, confused at the start,
Then the stranger said it was to give them all cards.
"I'm growing suspicious," L said in monotone.
"Why don't you just leave us alone?"
"Nate River," "Mihael Keehl," "Mail Jeevas.
Now tell me what you'll give us!" (Matty's a little bratty XD)
"Just a moment," the stranger said with a frown.
"Let me get my notebook to write this all down."
The kids began to retell their names
The stranger's eyes were red as flames
L glared at him, skin crawling like fleas
But the kids still liked him, despite his desperate pleas
L begged them to help him get rid of the bloke;
Mello hit him in the eye with a sharp-nailed poke.
Lawliet nursed his wound and glared at the blond,
His successor of which he was not very fond,
The child wasn't right, not in the head,
Just a look in the eyes filled L with led.
Near was also quite scared of him
Though someday you could ask him, just on a whim.
"Ahem," said the stranger. "And you are, son?"
L wouldn't look at him, he'd just have some fun.
A wink of an eye and a nod of the head
BB was ready to help L spread dread
He said, "Sorry, sir, but I can't tell you my name,
It may tell the others of my fortune and fame."
And laying a thumb on the end of his nose,
He waggled his fingers and struck an odd pose.
The children collapsed, save for L and BB
"Heart attacks," said the stranger, who'd came there to pee
And I heard him say as he walked out of sight,
"I am the real Kira, and my name is Light."
Well, honestly, I think my version was googol times better, but oh well. I understand that it was total crack, but I wanted to write a Christmas fic. So always remember, never forget: naughty kids get heart attacks for Christmas.