I'm Fine:://By Samsara
Disclaimer: I don't own. STOP SENDING ME FANMAIL!! Watch out for the angst
and language! Someone needs their mouth washed out...
The garden fountains burbled up their rhythmic pattern as the silent figure passed them by. The flowers littered the walls of the fountains, the ivy vines creating skin to the unanimated figures. There was no moon tonight, and with the gloom that hung in the air; it felt like there would never be a moon again. The tall figure strolled past the fountains, his willowy structure silent and contained. Duo Maxwell ended his walk at a balcony, looking high over the city of Rome. He leaned against the time worn marble, poised like a cat deep in thought, swirling the contents of a bottle in his hands. The night stood silent and wary, as every corner of darkness does.
It had been four years. Four years since he had stood like this on this very terrace. Four years since the war was over, and four years since *he* had disappeared. It was now near Christmas, and on the eve of his heartbreak, Duo sat silently on this foreign land. After the war, Duo had taken up a job as a Preventer. It was to be expected. Trowa and Wufei too joined him. He now spent his days on secret missions to protect the peace. It wasn't as exciting or demanding as piloting Deathscythe, but it sure beat going to a carnival for target practice. Quatre had eventually taken the job as head of the Winner Corporation. The young empth did have trouble adjusting to the quiet yet hassled lifestyle, but after learning the routine, he fell into it. Quatre was rarely ever around, being too busy to really have any free time. It had been two years since the Gundam Pilots had a reunion, and even then there was one missing. Heero had disappeared on this terrace four years ago, and Duo was still trying to convince himself he didn't care. And indeed, why should he care? The bastard had just left him, and didn't really seem to care if he was hurting anyone by leaving. Heero never really seemed to care if his self-destructive actions hurt anyone. Heero didn't even bother to really look for a job following the war, normal or not. Quatre had been the only one to go to school and Trowa was the one who tried working for the Atlanta Bottling Company. Heero just... went away. Duo's mind was blank as the night wore on. He tried not to think of what had occurred here, but even the alcohol couldn't swallow that pain. The cold or falling snow didn't seem to bother the barely clad man; he only sat and fidgeted. He didn't even notice as another figure entered the garden, and stalked his way over to the terrace. The other man was quite the withdrawn type. His clothes covered his entire body, and his face and hair were hidden in shadow. The newcomer didn't acknowledge Duo's presence, and instead sat far away from the Preventer. Duo smirked to himself as he pictured himself and Heero, years ago, at this very place. The memory wasn't very amusing, but the irony of the situation was. Here, Duo was, still mourning the loss of his lover after four years, and he was pretty sure Heero wouldn't be doing the same.
"Fuck him," Duo whispered out loud. The air trembled at the vocal intrusion, but carried the sound to the other man.
"Excuse me?" The newcomer asked quietly.
Duo nearly fell off the balcony when he realized he wasn't alone. The figure before him stood precautious and curious. Instead of brushing the man off like any stranger would do, Duo smiled.
"Just... remembering stuff, that's all," Duo answered, and resumed looking at the city below them.
"There are a lot of memories here, aren't there?"
"Most of them probably better forgotten," Duo took another drink from the bottle and continued, " I'm just here to remember someone who probably forgets me. Sad, huh?"
"A lover?" the man posed softly. Duo nodded.
"Yep. Me and Him were just starting our relationship, but it sorta ended here. He and Me talked, and he left. I mean, it's one thing if he said: Duo- chan, I'm not ready for a relationship. Or: Honey, I want to see the world alone. Hell! Even if he said he was gonna run off with Relena then it would be okay. But that's not how it happened. I said I love you and he said I hate you,"
"They say life's a bitch, right?" The man sighed and relaxed himself against a bench.
" She is. And now where am I? I can't go out on a date without remembering him. I can't seem to find any life outside of a job, and when I get home from work, the house is so empty and cold, " another swig from the bottle, " I think I'm an alcoholic and everything's so boring these days. Job's not fun. Well, work's not supposed to be fun, but I can't save anyone these days. I'm just so stupid and useless,"
"Did he ever call you, or write?"
"No. Nothing. I still worry over him, and that's where it gets really bad. He hates my guts, and I'm still in love with him. I can't just be like everyone else and call him a bastard. It's not that easy," Duo replied jokingly, sinking down to the ground. The bottle was half done, and was already doing its work.
"What about you?" Duo inquired, half interested.
"I used to think love was the same anywhere. I had never been... taught love before so it was weird for me. My first lover, made me feel so... indescribably wonderful. We had always been a bit distant during the war, but we were always somehow close. Every other emotion I had learned seemed to work the same way with everyone. Kindness, for example, felt the same way when I administered it on to anyone. Hate was the same way. I thought love would be like that too," the man responded, sinking into the bench.
"So what happened with you two?" Duo sat up and stared groggily at the man.
"I was really stupid. There was a girl friend of mine who I really wanted to protect, but I didn't love her. I was so stupid, I thought I could easily love her as easily as I could with him," the two chuckled bitterly.
"So you left him?"
"Yes. I didn't tell him why. I wanted to protect this girl, and since I had gotten it into my head that love could be administered onto anyone the same way, I thought it would be better. Well, hell, didn't work like that. I didn't even get to protect her. She had all these bodyguards, and she really didn't need me for protection. I just couldn't love her. The whole world was watching us, and she didn't understand me. She wasn't in love with me... but rather one of my many 'masks'. So now I'm back here to see if my first lover will take me back. I doubt he will,"
"Oh come on now! You have to think better than that! Just tell your lover how you felt and what happened and why, and I'm sure that if you guys had something special, it'll come back," Duo cried, now standing. The bottle was empty now, and it crashed to the ground with a shattering cry.
"You shouldn't end up like me, a walking dead. Come on man, I'm sure your better than that. Just tell him that you love him, and why and how and he'll take you back. Look at me! I'm just another washed out drunk whose point in life is gone, and can't convince himself he's fine. I assure you; by tonight I won't be around anymore. I know tomorrow I'll be six feet under, but at least you might have someone still hopelessly in love with you, out there, waiting for you. Like me. Maybe they're just like me," Duo was sobbing down, his too-thin body racking back and forth.
"You could save them," Duo muttered harshly.
The man was standing now, a few feet in front of the depressed Duo. He slowly pulled off his sweatshirt and hat.
"I love you," Heero whispered. Duo looked up suddenly and back away. Heero repeated the words, but Duo just stumbled backwards, until warm arms ensnared his waist and pulled him into a kiss. Prussian eyes spilled forth their tears, and Duo's sobs quieted in the kiss. When they broke away, Duo pounded his fists into Heero's chest.
"YOU BASTARD! You fucking, stupid bastard! You're so fucking stupid, Heero! You bastard!" Duo cried, his fists eventually grabbing onto Heero's shirt and bunching up the material. Duo's sobs were soon muffled into Heero's chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," was Heero could murmur as he cried with Duo.
"Don't you ever be so stupid and leave me, you hear?! You bastard, you stupid stupid man..." Duo cried.
"Deal. As long as you don't drink or cut anymore," Heero replied gratefully, pressing soft butterfly kisses along Duo's neck and shoulder.
"Why? Why do you love me?" Duo asked softly before grabbing Heero's shirt with his teeth.
"Because... You make me whole and free and... human. You make me human," Heero answered, continuing his shower of kisses down Duo.
"And how do you love me?"
"With kisses and..." the rest of Heero's sentence trailed off into Duo's ears. Duo released his hold on Heero's shirt and looked up into prussian eyes.
"Deal," Duo replied quietly, and sealed their promise with a heart-stopping kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ uh... the end.... maybe?
The garden fountains burbled up their rhythmic pattern as the silent figure passed them by. The flowers littered the walls of the fountains, the ivy vines creating skin to the unanimated figures. There was no moon tonight, and with the gloom that hung in the air; it felt like there would never be a moon again. The tall figure strolled past the fountains, his willowy structure silent and contained. Duo Maxwell ended his walk at a balcony, looking high over the city of Rome. He leaned against the time worn marble, poised like a cat deep in thought, swirling the contents of a bottle in his hands. The night stood silent and wary, as every corner of darkness does.
It had been four years. Four years since he had stood like this on this very terrace. Four years since the war was over, and four years since *he* had disappeared. It was now near Christmas, and on the eve of his heartbreak, Duo sat silently on this foreign land. After the war, Duo had taken up a job as a Preventer. It was to be expected. Trowa and Wufei too joined him. He now spent his days on secret missions to protect the peace. It wasn't as exciting or demanding as piloting Deathscythe, but it sure beat going to a carnival for target practice. Quatre had eventually taken the job as head of the Winner Corporation. The young empth did have trouble adjusting to the quiet yet hassled lifestyle, but after learning the routine, he fell into it. Quatre was rarely ever around, being too busy to really have any free time. It had been two years since the Gundam Pilots had a reunion, and even then there was one missing. Heero had disappeared on this terrace four years ago, and Duo was still trying to convince himself he didn't care. And indeed, why should he care? The bastard had just left him, and didn't really seem to care if he was hurting anyone by leaving. Heero never really seemed to care if his self-destructive actions hurt anyone. Heero didn't even bother to really look for a job following the war, normal or not. Quatre had been the only one to go to school and Trowa was the one who tried working for the Atlanta Bottling Company. Heero just... went away. Duo's mind was blank as the night wore on. He tried not to think of what had occurred here, but even the alcohol couldn't swallow that pain. The cold or falling snow didn't seem to bother the barely clad man; he only sat and fidgeted. He didn't even notice as another figure entered the garden, and stalked his way over to the terrace. The other man was quite the withdrawn type. His clothes covered his entire body, and his face and hair were hidden in shadow. The newcomer didn't acknowledge Duo's presence, and instead sat far away from the Preventer. Duo smirked to himself as he pictured himself and Heero, years ago, at this very place. The memory wasn't very amusing, but the irony of the situation was. Here, Duo was, still mourning the loss of his lover after four years, and he was pretty sure Heero wouldn't be doing the same.
"Fuck him," Duo whispered out loud. The air trembled at the vocal intrusion, but carried the sound to the other man.
"Excuse me?" The newcomer asked quietly.
Duo nearly fell off the balcony when he realized he wasn't alone. The figure before him stood precautious and curious. Instead of brushing the man off like any stranger would do, Duo smiled.
"Just... remembering stuff, that's all," Duo answered, and resumed looking at the city below them.
"There are a lot of memories here, aren't there?"
"Most of them probably better forgotten," Duo took another drink from the bottle and continued, " I'm just here to remember someone who probably forgets me. Sad, huh?"
"A lover?" the man posed softly. Duo nodded.
"Yep. Me and Him were just starting our relationship, but it sorta ended here. He and Me talked, and he left. I mean, it's one thing if he said: Duo- chan, I'm not ready for a relationship. Or: Honey, I want to see the world alone. Hell! Even if he said he was gonna run off with Relena then it would be okay. But that's not how it happened. I said I love you and he said I hate you,"
"They say life's a bitch, right?" The man sighed and relaxed himself against a bench.
" She is. And now where am I? I can't go out on a date without remembering him. I can't seem to find any life outside of a job, and when I get home from work, the house is so empty and cold, " another swig from the bottle, " I think I'm an alcoholic and everything's so boring these days. Job's not fun. Well, work's not supposed to be fun, but I can't save anyone these days. I'm just so stupid and useless,"
"Did he ever call you, or write?"
"No. Nothing. I still worry over him, and that's where it gets really bad. He hates my guts, and I'm still in love with him. I can't just be like everyone else and call him a bastard. It's not that easy," Duo replied jokingly, sinking down to the ground. The bottle was half done, and was already doing its work.
"What about you?" Duo inquired, half interested.
"I used to think love was the same anywhere. I had never been... taught love before so it was weird for me. My first lover, made me feel so... indescribably wonderful. We had always been a bit distant during the war, but we were always somehow close. Every other emotion I had learned seemed to work the same way with everyone. Kindness, for example, felt the same way when I administered it on to anyone. Hate was the same way. I thought love would be like that too," the man responded, sinking into the bench.
"So what happened with you two?" Duo sat up and stared groggily at the man.
"I was really stupid. There was a girl friend of mine who I really wanted to protect, but I didn't love her. I was so stupid, I thought I could easily love her as easily as I could with him," the two chuckled bitterly.
"So you left him?"
"Yes. I didn't tell him why. I wanted to protect this girl, and since I had gotten it into my head that love could be administered onto anyone the same way, I thought it would be better. Well, hell, didn't work like that. I didn't even get to protect her. She had all these bodyguards, and she really didn't need me for protection. I just couldn't love her. The whole world was watching us, and she didn't understand me. She wasn't in love with me... but rather one of my many 'masks'. So now I'm back here to see if my first lover will take me back. I doubt he will,"
"Oh come on now! You have to think better than that! Just tell your lover how you felt and what happened and why, and I'm sure that if you guys had something special, it'll come back," Duo cried, now standing. The bottle was empty now, and it crashed to the ground with a shattering cry.
"You shouldn't end up like me, a walking dead. Come on man, I'm sure your better than that. Just tell him that you love him, and why and how and he'll take you back. Look at me! I'm just another washed out drunk whose point in life is gone, and can't convince himself he's fine. I assure you; by tonight I won't be around anymore. I know tomorrow I'll be six feet under, but at least you might have someone still hopelessly in love with you, out there, waiting for you. Like me. Maybe they're just like me," Duo was sobbing down, his too-thin body racking back and forth.
"You could save them," Duo muttered harshly.
The man was standing now, a few feet in front of the depressed Duo. He slowly pulled off his sweatshirt and hat.
"I love you," Heero whispered. Duo looked up suddenly and back away. Heero repeated the words, but Duo just stumbled backwards, until warm arms ensnared his waist and pulled him into a kiss. Prussian eyes spilled forth their tears, and Duo's sobs quieted in the kiss. When they broke away, Duo pounded his fists into Heero's chest.
"YOU BASTARD! You fucking, stupid bastard! You're so fucking stupid, Heero! You bastard!" Duo cried, his fists eventually grabbing onto Heero's shirt and bunching up the material. Duo's sobs were soon muffled into Heero's chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," was Heero could murmur as he cried with Duo.
"Don't you ever be so stupid and leave me, you hear?! You bastard, you stupid stupid man..." Duo cried.
"Deal. As long as you don't drink or cut anymore," Heero replied gratefully, pressing soft butterfly kisses along Duo's neck and shoulder.
"Why? Why do you love me?" Duo asked softly before grabbing Heero's shirt with his teeth.
"Because... You make me whole and free and... human. You make me human," Heero answered, continuing his shower of kisses down Duo.
"And how do you love me?"
"With kisses and..." the rest of Heero's sentence trailed off into Duo's ears. Duo released his hold on Heero's shirt and looked up into prussian eyes.
"Deal," Duo replied quietly, and sealed their promise with a heart-stopping kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ uh... the end.... maybe?