A/N: We never got to finish this script. In fact, we never got far at all. So here's what we've got so far. It is on hiatus as of now. We know it's not much, but it would be nice if you could still review.

The REAL New Moon Script

Bella: I am going to narrate this annoying prologue, and there's nothing you can do about it! HAHAHAHAHA!!

She runs through a crowd.

Bella: What's with all these red-cloaked people? Is this some sort of cult? Whoa, now I'm in a field. And there's my grandma. Hi, Grandma! Why do you look so freaked out?
Edward: *appears*
Bella: Grandma, I'd like you to meet... why are you mirroring my motions? O.M.G. She's me!
Edward: (in a creepy low growl) Happy birthday, Bella.
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

She awakes in bed. Charlie barges into the room.

Charlie: (sings) Happy birthday, Bella!
Bella: Dad. Don't do that. Please.
Charlie: Hey, wasn't your bed purple last film?
Bella: Just give my my present.
Charlie: Your mother and I coordinated!
Bella: Good for you.

She drives to school in her ORANGE pick-up truck.

Eric & Mike: It's Bella!
Jess & Angela: Yay!
Bella: Let me take your picture!
The Gang: Uh, sure?
Mike: Dang, Edward's here.
Jess: Now we'll just abandon you. *leaves*
Edward: Happy birthday, Bella.
Bella: NOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm OLD!!
Edward: I'm 109.
Bella: I totally shouldn't be dating a creepy old man.
Audience: YESS!! SHE ADMITTED IT!!
Edward: There's someone who wants to see you.
Jacob: *emerging from the shadows* Happy birthday, Bella.
Bella: Could you be more of a creeper? Well, you could be Edward, I guess...
Edward: GLARE
Bella: You really shouldn't do steroids.
Jacob: I'm going to hug you to death and then leave.
Bella: You do that.

They go into school.

Edward: I'm going to leave you here with Alice.
Bella: Jerk.
Alice: Happy birthday!
Jasper: STARE
Bella: I told you not to get me anything!
Jasper: STARE
Alice: But you'll love it!
Jasper: STARE
Bella: I love it. Dang it, Jasper! Stop controlling my emotions!
Jasper: O.O
Alice: *smirks*
Bella: Leave me alone!
Jasper: Sorry, Bella, just doing my job.
Bella: YOU CAN TALK?!
Jasper: Must we go through this every time I say something?
Alice: Happy birthday, Bella!
Bella: Shut up!

(To be continued...)

Check out The REAL Twilight Script and others for more hilarious parodies of horrible movies!