"Wait, what? What the fuck did you do, Alex? What the fuck did you do? Fuck you, Alex! Fuck you!"

Those were the last words I heard from the girl I love right as I was being released. What the fuck did I just do? I just made her lie under oath to do what? Save my own ass? God I'm fucking stupid.

As my mind was racing to 101 different thoughts about Piper, I was marched down to the van waiting outside for me outside of Litchfield. I was put into the vehicle and before I was even buckled we were on the move. To be honest, I was nervous. I never get nervous. I can normally put on a brave face and suck it up. But this was different. What was I supposed to do? I had little money, no family, no home. I'm not staying with my aunt. I can't do that. I'd go insane. All she'd want to talk about is my deceased mother and how unhappy she was that I was traveling abroad. I can't take more stress.

I know what I had to do. I had to get an apartment. I had to reach Piper. Some way, some how. I made an ass of myself once again. How, for the millionth time, could I let myself fuck over the one person that means the world to me? But that's what I'll do. I'm going to get an apartment and figure out my life. I need to talk to her. I need to figure this mind numbing mess going on.

Finally, I was dropped off at my aunt's. She was waiting there for me on the front porch. I got out of the car and walked, no I ran, to her and felt her embrace. I felt like crying, which was unusual for me. I don't know why I was so happy. I was never that close to my aunt. Maybe I was just glad that I wasn't in handcuffs, or I wasn't going to be back in my bunk again.

"Alex, hunny! I'm so glad you're here. Come inside, sit down. I have coffee ready for you. Bet you are dying for some, aren't you?" My aunt said, grabbing my jacket from me and leading me inside her home.

I thought to myself, "No I'd like a nice, cold beer, but coffee'll do."

"How have you been, Auntie Trish?" I said, almost awkwardly. I was never comfortable with calling her auntie.

"Oh, Dear. I'm fine! I want to hear how you're doing! Forget about me, please!"

Shit. No, I don't want to talk about me, either. "I'm fine. Just tired. I won't be staying here long. I plan on getting an apartment with the money my mom left me. I'll just be here a few days."

"Oh stay as long as you want, Dear. Your mother would want you to. She'd want you close to family for once."

Oh please, shut the fuck up. This is why I don't want to be here.

I smiled and told her I was off to my room to recoup for the night. I wanted to be alone. Well no, I wanted Piper there, I didn't want to be alone. I just didn't want my aunt up my ass.

—

I finally signed a lease on an apartment that was just down the road from my aunt's. It was pathetic, really. There was basic furniture in there to make it feel somewhat like home. I hated that I had to use some of my mom's life insurance money for it all, but what was I supposed to do? My mom gave me a home. I was forever grateful.

I was on the couch reading my book, a temporary escape from my fucked up thoughts. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a faint knock on the door followed by quick footsteps leading away down the stairs. I got up off the couch and went over to the door. I glanced through the peep hole and saw nothing. Confused, I opened the door. No one was there. I looked at my door and saw a piece of paper taped to it. My heart stopped.

"Stupid bitch. Think you can cross me? I know my way out of things. I'm smarter than you. You crossed me. It's time for revenge."

My heart was racing. Kubra. There's no way. How the fuck did he find me? I started to panic. I slammed my door shut and slid down the wall. I was being watched. I could be killed. I slowly got up and went over to my window. I looked outside and I saw Kubra's car. Just waiting there, waiting for me. I didn't know when or where he'll strike, but I knew I was fucked. I called my probation officer and explained my scenario.

"Well Vause, I can't do much. He has imposed a legitimate threat. He's most likely just trying to scare you," Yeah, scare me. No shit, you stupid fuck.

I hung up and paced back and forth in my kitchen. I wracked my brain for some solution. I always had a solution. All I could think to do was write to Piper. So that's what I did.

"Dear Pipes,

You probably are not opening these, or if you are, I'm sure you don't really want to hear what I have to say. I doubt if the tables were turned that I would be reading this, but on the off chance that you are still reading, I want to try and explain myself, which is difficult in a letter and would be so much easier face to face. I know that the situation in Chicago seems fucked, but I promise I was protecting you.

There was a lot going on that I wasn't able to talk to you about, and if I had had even a moment alone with you before the trial, I swear I would have been completely open and honest.

The last thing I wanted after everything we have been through is for you to feel lied to, or deceived in any way. Piper, I promise, I am not that person.

And I never meant to put you in a position where you would have to be dishonest. But it's complicated. I need to explain everything. I'm so sorry, Piper. I know you've heard that before, but I truly am. I know there's visiting in two weeks. I'll be there. If they let me in, I'll be truly grateful. Hopefully I'll see you then. If you need to call me, the number is 555-8179.

Love always,

Alex"

I sealed the envelope and asked my neighbor to put it in the mail. I was too terrified to leave my apartment. Man I hated the apartment. I was used to having nice things and a perfectly decorated home. Not a shithole. And to make it all worse, I was lonely. I fucking hated being lonely. I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I felt the tears starting and my eyes had that burning sensation that was almost foreign to me. I hated crying. I wasn't weak. I didn't like showing my weakness.

— — —

I was looking out my window for the millionth time, staring at Kubra's car when I heard my phone ring in the kitchen. I walked in and heard, "An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison is attempting to contact you. To accept this call, please press one." I frantically hit one and waited.

"So, in your letter, you claim you tried to ask if I could get the same deal you got, but what you failed to explain is why after you coached me in exactly what to say in my testimony, you suddenly do an about-face and say the exact opposite thing." I heard Piper's voice and was immediately excited, but that feeling changed all to quick.

"You want the long version or the short version?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood with a little sarcasm.

"I want the short version. You have one minute."

"Oh. It's like that, huh? No, my phone credit is running low. Look, Piper I was facing more time than you. My lawyer told me that my testimony would put Kubra away for sure and that I could walk that same day."

"Congratulations. Your lawyer is a better lawyer than Larry's dad." I rolled my eyes.

"No, he isn't. He was wrong. Kubra walked," I said, no serious.

"What?"

"There was a mistrial. Some dumb fuck mishandled the evidence. He's out," Now I was getting angry thinking about everything again.

"So I'm the only one who went to prison?"

"I tell you that Kubra's free after I testify against him and that's all you have to say?" Are you fucking kidding me, Piper? Jesus fuck…

"Well, I mean, they're protecting you, right?"

"Yeah they're protecting me. There's around-the-clock surveillance. And by that, I mean I see my probation officer every week for about 20 minutes," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Oh, my God. Alex. Alex, are you serious? Where are you right now?"

"Queens."

"You're in Queens? I was just there!"

"What?" What the fuck was she even talking about?

"Never mind. I can't get into that right now. Alex, you shouldn't be in New York. Alex, you should be in fucking Nevada or or Argentina or something."

"That's fine. Thomas Pynchon hid in New York for years. And Queens isn't that bad. No one comes to visit, but it has pretty good Greek food. Besides, I'm not allowed to leave the fucking state. It's part of my release."

You have 30 seconds remaining for this call.

"Oh, shit!"

"You couldn't have added more credit before calling me? I need to talk to you."

"Well, I didn't plan ahead."

"I need to talk to you in person. Can you get me on your visitation list?"

"Well, I'll try, but, Alex, are you sure are you sure that you're safe?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just get me on your list and we can talk about it then."

"Okay."

Her line went dead and the call ended.

"Fuck, Piper. You need more cedits," I muttered to myself.

— — —

I figured out that I was accepted onto Piper's visitation list. I was ecstatic. Maybe she wouldn't hate me once I could explain myself.

I hopped in for a shower. I hated showering now. I felt vulnerable. Like if someone would attack me, they would win. I rushed my shower. I got out and blow-dried my hair. I put on black jeans a gray long sleeve shirt. I almost ran out the door. I was so terrified of Kubra's car being there that I practically flew into the cab and headed down to Litchfield. When I got there, it felt weird to be standing outside the prison gates. My palms started to get sweaty. I wasn't nervous being here. I was nervous to see Piper. I hadn't really put together exactly what I wanted to say to her. As I walked in, I could see inmates walking around through the windows. Nicky saw me and I caught he stare. She waved and then suddenly stopped, realizing why I was there. She got a dorky grin on her face and made a sexual motion to her groin, making the accusation I was there to sleep with Piper. I chuckled and continued walking in.

I went up to the front desk, "State your name and who you're here for."

"Um, I'm here for Piper Chapman. My name's Alex. Alex Vause."

"You're approved. Okay, stay in the waiting room until you're called in for your visitation."

I walked over to the sitting area and waited. I was anxious, yet I looked patient on the outside. I didn't want to look out of place or not myself. I sat there for what felt like hours. I looked for a magazine when, "Vause, Richman, Ankemen, and Vurso. The inmates are on their way. You can come in now."

I got up and walked into the visitation room and sat down, waiting, again. Suddenly, Piper walked in and sat down in front of me. I swallowed hard.

"Okay, this is totally weird," I said.

"I like your sweater," Piper said, reaching over and caressing my arm. "It's soft. Like your resolve when you offered a plea deal."

I sighed, annoyed. "It all came down at the last second, Piper," I lifted my glasses on top of my head. "And they promised me that it would put him away, for good."

"But it made me a perjurer and you a free woman."

"I thought you were gonna tell the truth!" I said, getting angry.

"And I thought you were gonna lie!"

"Jesus, we're like a fucking O'Henry story!" I spat, resting my head on my hand. I lifted my head and put my hand back down onto my other and I let out a pathetic "pftt" of a laugh. "It's good to see your face."

Piper just looked at me, "I don't know what to say."

I paused for a moment. "You have every right to be angry," I sighed as I slumped back into my seat and crossed my arms.

Piper looked at me, half suspicious, "I don't know if I'm angry. I'm confused by you."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, "Im confused by me, too. I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong."

"Yeah, well that's an understatement."

"I'm a fuck-up. And now I get to be a fuck-up in a shithole apartment in Queens. Too afraid to even open my curtains. I'm really fucking lonely, Piper," I cringed at the fact I was letting my emotions out.

We continued to discuss what I was dealing with and how Kubra was released. I told her how terrified I was to the point I was sleeping with a gun, which she scolded me for. I told her how I would rather be back in prison or dealing drugs. Which she yelled at me for as well. I told her I was afraid to sleep in the dark, how it scared me shitless. I told her how my probie is Davie fucking Crockett. We both shared a laugh with that one. I even told her I was skipping town. That was my final decision. For my own safety. So I wouldn't be killed by Kubra or any of his "buddies".

"You can't!"

"I don't have a choice. These people know where I live. That's why I wanted to see you. When I go, Piper, I can't come back. I have to just disappear," I stated, holding back all of my emotions.

In the ten seconds it took her to respond, my mind had a hundred different thoughts running through it. Should I really leave? Yes I have to. No, no. I should just stick it out until Piper's out. Then I can skip town, with her. No I have to stop. I tried to calm my frantic brain and tried to remain focused on Piper.

"You can't leave me," Piper said, a more serious tone taking control in her.

She was using my move against me. I remembered getting locked in the washing machine a month or so ago. I panicked and told her not to fucking leave me when she decided to go for help. I could feel my heart shattering into a million fucking pieces. I felt awful. I tried reasoning with her, though, knowing it was my only chance of safety. "Piper, I'm in danger."

"But I don't have anyone left." Fuck, Piper. Please don't do this. Not now.

I paused for a moment, "I'm sorry, Piper. I'm sorry for all of it. I know that my track record is shit but I really do love you," I said, my emotions starting to show. Somehow, Piper managed to rip every one of them out of me without even trying. Dammit.

"Yeah, well, I hate you," She said coldly, trying to rip my heart out even more.

"No, you don't."

She swallowed, coming to the realization, "No. No, I don't."

I just sat there looking at her. My heart was broken and she knew it. I couldn't tell what she was feeling, either, which was unusual. I could always read her easily. She looked broken. That's it; broken. She looked empty and hurt. Like she was loosing her best friend, and also her worst enemy. Well she was, but I couldn't do anything to fix it, and that's what killed me the most. She looked up at me and just gave a sorrowful look when the guards announced to wrap it up. The escorted her out before could even attempt to give her a hug goodbye. Maybe that was for the best.

— — —

I was trying to finish my book when I heard noises outside my door. I thought I was hearing things, until I turned off the music and continued hearing noises. It was my lock jiggling. I grabbed a gun I had hidden in my bookshelf and aimed for the door. It opened, "Don't take another step!" I screamed, only to find my dumbass of a landlord standing in my doorway, hands in the air.

"Whoa, whoa! hey, hey!" he yelled, panicked.

"What the fuck? Can I help you?!" I screamed, yet relieved that it was just him.

"I didn't know you were home."

"I don't fucking care! You can't just walk into my apartment!" I screamed louder, wiping my hair out of my face, trying to relax somewhat.

"Yeah I know that usually, but he asked me to," Davie Fucking Crockett walked through my door.

"Mr. Crockett…"

"Ms. Vause," He said in a montone voice, glancing down at the silver gun in my hand.

I was so close to crying. I could feel that disgusting bulge in my throat that I tried to swallow down, "Fuck."

Without even hesitating, he had me cuffed and was reading me my rights as I walked down the hallway. "Wait, wait! Please. Let me just call my aunt. Just so she can take care of the apartment. Please."

The man hesitated, but let me go back inside and call her.

"Hello?"

"Auntie Trish. I need your help. Something happened. I-I won't be around for a while. Just do me a favor. Take care of the apartment. Use my bank account to pay for rent. Please. I just need you to do this. Get my mail. Everything. I'm begging you, please."

"Oh, Dear. Calm down. I'll do everything. Just relax. What's going on?" She asked me; she sounded frightened.

"Everything's fine. Please don't worry. Just do what I asked. I'll talk to you when I can. Thank you so much," I said, then hung up the phone before she could say anything else.

I was cuffed again and led out to his car. Before I knew it, we were at Litchfield.

— — —

Author's note:

So yeah, I haven't written a story in God knows how long. My new obsession is Orange is the New Black and I hardcore ship Vauseman. I know this chapter concludes a LOT of scenes from the actual show, but I needed them in the first chapter to make the rest of the story connect. Just bare with me! It'll get better! I promise!

Thanks for reading, guys!