Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, Barney the Dinosaur or anything else and I make no monetary profit from this story.
Warnings: OOC, very possible butchering of Grimlock's unique speech, Barney bashing.
Universe: Bridges the 2007 movie and G1, therefore a crossover
Thanks: Requested by supergirlprime.
Note: This story is for fun, and not meant to insult anyone.

Dinosaurs Aren't Purple

It was your average day at Diego Garcia; the sun was shining, the birds were chirping... and Annabelle Lennox was watching the Autobot-sized television; the blond five year old was completely engrossed in the show.

She was being watched by her family's guardian, Ironhide. The black weapons specialist had no interest in what his charge was watching, so he was polishing the inside of his cannons. He still had an optic trained on the little girl, though.

That was how Grimlock found them. Grimlock was new to Earth, and had yet to really pick up on it's customs. He had come to Earth with the rest of his 'team', the Dinobots. They're all basically Autobots who, instead of transforming into cars or jets, transform into dinosaurs.

Grimlock was in his alternate form – a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He thundered in, not caring who or what he disrupted. Grimlock looked around the room until his gaze settled on the television. He tilted his head to the side and asked, "What you Annabelle watching?"

Annabelle giggled, turning to her large metal companion. "Barney the Dinosaur!" she beamed. On the screen there was a purple and green dinosaur singing to a group of children her age.

Ironhide had to hold back a biting comment. He absolutely hated the show! He also thought that Barney was more than a little bit creepy, hanging around with all those little kids and singing about love and physical affection.

Grimlock, though, had become intrigued and looked at the TV screen. He soon became completely confused. "Me Grimlock no think dinosaurs purple. Me Grimlock not purple," the T-Rex sniffed haughtily.

Ironhide, without thinking responded, "Of course not. It's made up, Grimlock."

Annabelle's mouth fell open, and tears sprung into her eyes. "Barney's not real?" the girl sniffled.

Ironhide froze like a deer caught in headlights. 'Oh slag what have I done...?'

It was time to do some damage control."Of course Barney is real, Annabelle!" the black mech said quickly. Annabelle beamed, while Grimlock frowned.

"But you Ironhide just said that he Barney not real," Grimlock pointed out. Ironhide cursed quietly in Cybertronian.

Ironhide looked at Grimlock. "He's not-" Ironhide turned to Annabelle and continued, "-But he is!"

Grimlock and Annabelle shared a confused look. That was a complete and total paradox. "How can he Barney be real and not real?" Grimlock prompted.

If he could, Ironhide would be sweating bullets right about then.

"Daddy always said that Barney was real," Annabelle piped up.

Ironhide mentally groaned. 'Thank you so much, Will.' the mech grumbled internally. Unfortunately, Ironhide couldn't be too mad at Major Lennox, because he had only said that to keep Annabelle happy.

Ironhide desperately searched for a way to make this all right. "Barney can... uh... he's..." he tried – and failed.

Grimlock and Annabelle continued to stare at him expectantly. Ironhide was out of things to say. 'Please Primus, please save me from this nightmare!' he silently prayed.

Primus answered his prayer in the form of Mikaela Banes. She walked into the room, took a look around, and arched an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

"Ironhide says Barney's not real!" the girl cried. But then she frowned, "Then he said that he is..."

Mikaela then understood. She knelt down in front of Annabelle and smiled. "Aw 'Belle, you know Barney's real. Come on, let's go get some ice cream. Away from the non-believers."

Mikaela helped Annabelle up and held her hand, leading the now considerably happier girl away. Once they were gone, Ironhide slumped in relief.

He looked at Grimlock, who was still waiting but with a scowl now. "Alright, Barney the purple dinosaur isn't real. I had to tell Annabelle that he was. But he isn't."

"Oh! Me Grimlock think me understand."

Ironhide breathed a sigh of relief. Thank Primus that's-

"Me Grimlock go tell other Dinobots about this!" Grimlock exclaimed. Before Ironhide could protest, Grimlock had thundered out of the room.

-Over.

Ironhide sat there for a while, his processor trying to process what had just happened. He had created a monster, he just knew it. He also knew that he was going to be blamed for whatever havoc comes from this.

The sound of angry stomping drew Ironhide back to the real world. Ratchet stormed into the room and up to Ironhide. Ratchet's face was contorted into a scowl; an Autobot-sized wrench clenched tightly in his fist.

Ironhide gulped. Regardless of what a wrench was actually used for, Ratchet could make it into a deadly weapon when angry. And right now the Chief Medical Officer of the Autobots looked livid.

"Ironhide," Ratchet said through clenched teeth. "If Grimlock and his brethren become obsessed with this 'Barney', then you will pay the price!"

Ironhide nodded mutely. I ashamed him that while he could face down Megatron without shuttering an optic, he was ready to run and hide from an old medic.

Ratchet gave him one last warning look, before he turned and stomped back out of the room. His dark glower never left his face.

Ironhide willed his spark to stop pulsing so fast. Once the fear had passed, though, he buried his face in his palm. Bad things always seemed to happen to him... and Ironhide was getting pretty tired of it.

"Why me, Primus? Why?" he asked, his voice muffled by his palm.

And all the while, Barney the Dinosaur was still playing in the background.