Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim. I also
don't own any situation found in any Sherlockian story or pastiche.
Chapter One: Rot in Food Courtia
An eyelid opened to reveal a dark green orb, so dark it was almost black in color. Tired limbs lifted themselves up and a small figured reluctantly crawled out of bed. He shuffled over to the tiny window of his domicile and watched as the night began to silently drift off the landscape. Reddish pink sunbeams began to filter through the sky, cut into interesting designs by the multi-leveled buildings that covered every inch of the ground. A frown emerged on the face of the man - the scene had been beautiful before he'd noticed the buildings.
Yempt glanced around at his three roommates, all blanketed over in some form of sleep or another. He scowled at them, reminding himself of each of their particular faults, and continued to get ready for work. He was a waiter on Food Courtia. It wasn't a glamorous job, but Yempt comforted himself with the fact that he worked at a real restaurant unlike those unfortunate screw-ups who were banished there. He knew he was short, and seeing as height was everything to an Irken, he didn't expect much from life. Glaring at himself in the mirror, he once again noticed his unusual eyes. He'd always wanted common red eyes, and even rarer purple eyes would have done, but to be stuck with such an oddity was something that rubbed against Yempt's very nature. He grumbled and pulled on his uniform before leaving to perform his duties.
His duties weren't extremely strenuous, consisting of the things waiters generally did: seating customers, taking orders, delivering food, giving the bill. Yempt had learned to be satisfied with it, and managed to go throughout the day without letting his pessimistic, sarcastic thoughts slip past his tongue. He'd made the mistake of speaking his mind once when he'd first been given his assignment, but his superior had made it very clear to him that such attitude would not be tolerated. From that day forth Yempt just went along his way, allowing the contemptuous rot in his mind to build up and transform into a general dislike if not hate for all living things.
On his break he generally ate in the lower sections of Food Courtia, where one could find the cheaper and unfortunately greasier selections of food. As he made his way there that day, someone very small caught his eye. This Irken was actually shorter than himself, which was a distinguishing feat. He wore a stained red military shirt and stood stiffly at the entrance to one of the communal sitting/eating areas. Yempt glanced over at the line of fast food joints and their advertisements for their disgusting foodstuffs and decided that perhaps he'd skip lunch that day. He marched over to the one dressed as a soldier and looked him over with a displeased expression. " - What are you doing?" he finally asked.
This had gotten the other's attention. The soldier saluted and retained his militaristic stance. "Guarding the food court!"
Yempt cocked one eye and glanced about, more for show then for any actual purpose. He crossed his arms and scowled. "I wasn't aware there were guards on Food Courtia. You're the first one I've seen." He made an effort to make the sarcasm drip from his mouth. It felt so good too finally be able to talk to someone.
The guard seemed unaware of the sarcasm. "I've been assigned to guard the entire planet!" The guard straitened himself, if it was possible for him to stand any straighter. Yet, a small grin on the Irken's face revealed that the absurdity of the situation wasn't completely lost on him.
"The entire planet? How are you supposed to - nevermind. WHY were you assigned to do that?"
"To gain life experience in preparation for more challenging assignments." This was said in such a way as to make the waiter think it was a quote.
"So - you're preparing for a promotion? What's your name?" Yempt tapped his foot impatiently.
"Skoodge, at your service!" Skoodge clicked his heels while Yempt almost smiled, which would be the equivalent to doubling over in laughter for him. He'd heard of Skoodge - that Irken had begun to become a common joke. Poor, gullible Skoodge. Yempt almost felt like he was talking to a celebrity. He was just the sort of go-getter Yempt had never even attempted to be, realizing the futility at an early age. "You?"
The waiter cringed at the question. Aside from his eyes, Yempt's name was the one thing he hated most about himself. It was strange sounding, awkward, and downright ugly. It was traditional for Irken's to have one syllable long names, but the population was growing and the amount of one syllable name combinations were running low. Yempt assumed that it was only a matter of time before they were forced to start using two syllables, but that didn't really matter to him. What mattered to him was the fact this occurrence was responsible for his stupid name. "...Yempt."
Skoodge nodded at him and smiled. "Nice to meet you."
Yempt rolled his eyes. "What's so nice about it? You're here on Food Courtia, for Irk's sake! You should be miserable -"
The soldier just shrugged his broad shoulders. "It's not so bad. There's all sort of interesting people here."
Yempt examined the throngs of gorging lifeforms with a contemptuous eye. Everyone seemed equally disgusting to him in their own right, and he could see no reason to take special notice of any of them. He narrowed his eyes at Skoodge and grunted. "They aren't interesting."
"Sure there are!" There was something in the soldier's voice that made Yempt believe that he was not the sort of person to give up easily. He resigned himself to listen to the explanation. "For instance, look over there." Skoodge pointed to a female Irken, grotesquely tall and casually sitting alone at one of the booths. In one hand she held a burger and in the other an electronic pad. She chewed on one while she examined the other. She didn't wear any uniform Yempt could recognize, but a tan- colored outfit matched with brown boots and gloves. "She's one of the most interesting people I've seen here," continued Skoodge. "She comes here all the time and is always staring at that pad of hers. Either that or she leans back in her booth with her eyes closed. When I first saw her like that I thought she was sleeping, but she was thinking. She's always thinking about something."
"She's crazy," was Yempt's simple response. "I've seen her too. Whenever she needs to go somewhere nice to eat, she comes to the restaurant where I work. She refuses to eat anything unless she's personally met everyone in the establishment. Afraid she'll get poisoned or something -" He pursed his lips in a deeper frown when he considered the woman. "She must have been banished or something - wearing civilian cloths."
Skoodge shrugged. "Maybe she's on a special assignment."
Yempt directed his glare toward his companion. "You're an optimist, aren't you? Well, that's just stupid. Did you know you're the laughing stock of the Irken race? The Tallest tried to KILL you. Then they sent you to that horrible 'training' planet promising to promote you. Then rather than promoting you, they send you to gain 'life experience' when you've already succeeded in invading a planet. When are you going to get the picture? Nothing good is ever going come of your hard work. You might as well just give up now!" Yempt knew he was ranting, but he was having more fun then he'd had in a long time. He motioned toward himself. "Look at me! I'm short too, but I know my place. I don't put idle hopes in foolish dreams - I complacently do my job. I'm satisfied!"
Skoodge shook his head. "I feel sorry for you."
This comment was too much for Yempt to bear. He threw his hands up in the air, growling as he turned and walked away. He had to get back to work.
That night he was in for a surprise that he would one day regret. He was performing his usual tasks, minding his own business, when he saw that woman walk in the restaurant. For some reason the usually capricious owner allowed her to dine there even though she was obviously no noble. He figured it was because of her height, but even then she didn't fit in with the crowd. Although she always dressed properly for the occasion, this woman didn't carry the right air about her. One thing Yempt enjoyed about working at such a high-end establishment was that he was always surrounded by the pompous upper class who only worked to affirm his grim views of society. She blew all his theories away.
"Hey there, Yempt! How are you today?" The woman smiled at him, waving one gloved hand in his direction. She was now wearing a deep scarlet gown that matched her eyes and long black gloves.
"Very well, Miss Tah. Shall I escort you to your usual table?"
"Sure thing. I've got some guests arriving - they'll mention my name." She followed him to her table, a rather secluded booth in the corner of the swanky hall, pulling out her infernal pad the moment she sat down. "Thank you, Yempt," she said as she looked down at its surface with a look of concentration.
Yempt sighed and walked away, picking up some used dishes as he passed by. It was minutes before Tah's guests arrived in the form of two finely dressed gentlemen. One was Irken with pastel red eyes while the other was a Belthorp, looking like an insect with his brown, segmented body. Both were obviously gangsters. He politely led them to the table and they seated themselves across from Tah in her booth. Yempt shuddered as he saw them eye her with hungry eyes, but he guessed that was what Tah had anticipated. She smiled seductively at the both of them, and even teased the Irken's jaw with the gloved tip of one of her claws.
All three of them seemed very friendly with one another throughout the various courses of their dinner. There was laughter and flirtation - the general sort of thing that occurred when long separated friends finally got together. It was nights like these that made Yempt suspicious of Tah's character, wondering if she'd been banished. After dessert they quieted their tones to hushed speech - leaning forward as they spoke on more business-like matters. Tah pulled out her pad once again, apparently checking some things with her various notes. She nodded and asked questions of the men, and they responded with shifty eyes. This lasted very late into the night, and Yempt was beginning to get upset. Closing had come and gone and it was past time for him to go to bed. After all, he'd have to get up and do the exact same thing tomorrow. He haughtily began to approach the booth when the owner, an overbearing female Irken who stood a good four inches taller than Yempt, pulled him away. "Let them finish their talk, boy," she hissed maliciously. "She's a good customer, and we want her to return!"
Yempt sighed with acceptance and waited until he could finally clean her booth. He wanted to hurry, but knew he was too short to do a sloppy job. Therefore he made certain everything was just as it had been before anyone had arrived. If it weren't for his attention to detail, he would have missed a small piece of paper that had found its way under the table. He picked it up and examined its surface. On one side it read in strait, black slashes 'XIIIIXIXXIXIXXXIIV.' He realized that it must have belonged to either Tah or one of her cohorts. He considered leaving it, letting chance take the responsibility, but instead his hand shoved the piece of paper into his pocket.
Once back to his quarters he went directly to bed. His roommates had all left for their late night shifts, something that pleased Yempt greatly, and he lost no time in drifting into the nothingness of slumber.
The next day began as all days did for Yempt. He got up, taking a short wistful glance at the window before remembering how much he despised the universe, glared around at his sleeping roommates, got dressed, and headed off to report for duty. He ate where he usually ate lunch, this time ignoring Skoodge as he stood patrol. As he chewed on his burrito his deep green eyes shifted toward Tah. She sat in the exact same seat she had when he'd seen her the other day, and he supposed that she was a slave of habit.
A thought crossed his mind and he fingered through his pocket. The paper he'd found the other day was still there, and he wondered if he should return it. It certainly had something to do with some illegal activity, considering the kind of people Tah'd been with the night before. Yempt could tell Tah was upset about something as he examined her face - she was staring at her pad with her brow furrowed in worry. He watched her as she looked in each of her pockets and scratched her head in confusion. She'd definitely lost something and the waiter was sure he had what she'd lost. He mused too himself whether he should give it back or not. It would probably do some harm if he gave it back, but then again, did something like that really matter? He figured it would make more sense to gain some brownie points with a tall person. He finally decided to stand up and head toward her table. She glanced down at him to look him in the eye, despite the fact she was sitting. He held out the paper and frowned at her. "I found this under your table," he said in what he hoped was a distant voice.
Her face brightened immediately as she grabbed the paper from her hands. "Thank you!" she said with a brilliant smile. "One of my guests gave me this, and I was looking all over for it. I just don't know how to -" her words halted for a moment as her gaze drifted past him. Her eyes sharpened with recognition and her expression darkened for a moment, but this only lasted for a fraction of a second. Her face immediately lifted again as she beamed at Yempt. "I just don't know how to thank you, er, what's your name?"
Yempt was startled for a moment. She'd never forgotten his name in all the time she'd been coming to his restaurant and why she'd forget now was beyond him. However, he suspected it had something to do with her disgusting height. "Yempt," he reminded in a flat tone, "Yempt."
"Yes, yes, well, it's very nice to meet you!" Her voice was uncommonly loud. "You say you saw me drop this? Well, thanks for bringing it back." She nodded happily at him and returned to her work. Yempt eyed her before turning back to his table. This woman was even stranger than he'd originally thought.
That evening was similar to the previous evening. Rude customers had kept him up late and he was only half aware as he got ready for bed. He lumbered toward the cleansing room, opening the door only to be shocked by a piercing red light. The light only lasted for a moment, but the surprise of it caused Yempt to stand still for a long time. He finally glanced behind him and gasped when he found a blackened spot on the floor. He poked his head into the cleansing room, and sure enough a laser had been set up in such a way as to fire when the door opened. Luckily for Yempt whoever had constructed the apparatus had miscalculated his stature, supposing him to be slightly taller then he really was. Yempt hurried to dismantle the laser and hide the evidence, but he was severely shaken up. He didn't sleep a wink that night, imagining someone climbing through the window or bursting through the door to raid his quarters and murder him in his sleep. Instead of facing those horrific thoughts, Yempt pulled himself out of bed and wandered the streets of Food Courtia until it was time for him to work.
As he worked he regularly glanced at the time meter, anticipating his lunch break. He knew who he had to blame for the attempt on his life, and he was dead set on giving her a piece of his mind. The moment he was free, he stormed to her usual seat and glared at her with steaming eyes. "You!" he pointed at her.
"Me?"
He growled in anger. "Yes, you! I don't know what sort of low-lifes you associate with, or what kind of sordid affairs you participate in, and I don't really care - but I don't want to be a part of it!" He trembled with anger as he remembered the blackened spot on the floor. The shot would have killed him in one hit.
"What happened?" asked Tah frantically.
"Oh, I think you know." Yempt moodily placed his hands on his hips as he sneered at her contemptuously. "The laser? Last night? Trying to KILL me?"
A hand flew to Tah's mouth as her eyes opened wide. "Oh no," she whispered as she slightly shook her head. "They think you're with me."
"What?" Yempt didn't trust her apparent innocence.
The gears in Tah's brain began to turn. "Well," she said in a somewhat braver voice, "I guess there's only one way to protect you now." As she pulled out her pad she reached over with one of her long, slim arms and forced Yempt into the booth with her. He noticed that she had one of the more advanced electronic pads in production and he wondered how she attained her funding. Then he thought of the men she'd been with and wondered no more. She tapped in a few commands and the pad sprung to life with the image of two men - apparently it was one of those expensive models that could be used as a monitor as well. It was then that Yempt noticed who the two men were. They were none other then the Almighty Tallest themselves, Tallest Red and Tallest Purple. Yempt couldn't believe she'd gotten through to them, but what really shocked him was that his monarchs didn't seem upset that she had. Yempt could only cower in his seat as he stared blankly at the two personages.
"Tah!" cheered Tallest Purple as he recognized her image.
"Hey," said Tallest Red as he waved one hand at her, "How you doing?"
Tah smiled at the both of them before getting to her point. "I'm doing very well, my Tallest. I've just called ask about something."
"Ask away!" Yempt couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was this Tah person talking with the Almighty leaders of Irk, but they actually seemed excited to hear from her and willing to give her whatever she wanted. He wondered exactly how deep her criminal manipulation had infiltrated - his dark mind was convinced she was no respected soldier.
She grabbed Yempt by the shoulders, much to his extreme annoyance. "Do I have the power to, say, recruit people into my service - like if I needed help with something and had to take them away from their job for a while?" Now Yempt realized that not only were her hands on his shoulders to display him, but also to keep him from escaping.
"Do whatever you need to do!" ordered Tallest Red with his notoriously evil grin.
Tah wiggled her antennae. "Thank you, my Tallest."
"Sweeping authorization," sounded Tallest Purple from his comrade's side. "That's what you have!"
Tah nodded and wiggled her antennae once again. "Yes, my Tallest." There was a familiarity in her voice that Yempt didn't trust.
"Oh, and Tah," added Purple after a moment. "Are you going to call tonight?"
"Of course," reassured Tah in a softer tone.
Tallest Red snickered and nudged Tallest Purple, who in response glared at him. "Stop that!" he said with every nudge. "Stop it.........Stop it!.........Stop it!"
Yempt could hear a silent giggle escape Tah's throat as she watched the ridiculas behavior of their leaders. "I'll report in later, my Tallest," she said with a broad grin.
Both the Tallest turned their attention to her for a brief moment to say their goodbyes before they began goofing off again. Yempt rolled his eyes and folded his arms in anger. The moment the image of the Tallest were gone he turned sharply to the woman beside him.
"What are you trying to do? How do you get access to them, and why are you asking them what you asked? What are you going to do to me? I don't care - I'm not going to cooperate!" He slumped his shoulders, still unable to escape her firm yet gentle grip.
"You have to cooperate," she said urgently into his antennae. "If not, you'll be killed!"
"Threatening my life now, are you? I'm not going to be a part of it!"
"You already are - and don't speak so loud!" Now her voice contained a harsh tinge. "Let me explain what I'm doing here! They saw you hand me that paper the other day. They are a crime syndicate I've been trying to dismantle for the last two years. Only now am I close to removing their head, severing the link that allows such an organized machine to run. I'm not the bad guy!" She shook him slightly.
"I saw you with those gangsters last night! Don't think I didn't notice! How stupid do you really think I am?"
"Small timers in comparison. Dealing with the likes of them is a necessary evil in my current line of profession. They're one of my sources to the criminal underworld, filthy yet harmless."
Yempt again rolled his eyes. "What - you want me to believe that you're some sort of disciplinarian meant to find and catch some evil mastermind who controls a gigantic crime syndicate? Do you expect me to believe that? Why not just knock off the leader and be done with it?"
Tah was silent for a moment, the tension growing within her. "No, he's too smart for that. This man sits in the center of his well-spun web, aware of every vibration at every point. Yet none of the filth of his activities touch him. He works through a highly complicated system of underlings and only sees the profits. At the end, there is no evidence as to his identity, no link to his guilt. Yet without him, I'm sure the entire system would collapse!" There was a great deal of passion in her words, and Yempt was surer than ever that she was completely berserk.
"No one like that could ever exist! Some phantom of a mastermind pulling all the strings - come on! And what is with this well-spun web analogy? Are you trying to be eloquent or something? It's not going to work."
Tah audibly sputtered for a moment. "What - what is wrong with you! Doesn't this scare you at all?"
"No."
"But the laser does, doesn't it?"
"...Yes."
"Will you trust me on the basis of that then?"
"That's my basis for NOT trusting you!" He tried once more to squirm from her grasp.
She let out an exasperated moan. "What about the Tallest? You saw that I was talking to them, didn't you? Certainly if they trust me, you can."
"I don't know HOW you're manipulating them -"
Now Tah yelled out in frustration before she was able to contain herself. Her grip tightened on his shoulders and she shut her eyes, apparently trying to think. "Fine then. You leave me no choice then to forcefully recruit you. I'm a higher rank then you, and as the Tallest themselves just said, I have the authority to do this. You and I are marching back to your place of work right now and telling them that you quit. You're helping me now. Even if you don't agree, you're employer must."
Chapter One: Rot in Food Courtia
An eyelid opened to reveal a dark green orb, so dark it was almost black in color. Tired limbs lifted themselves up and a small figured reluctantly crawled out of bed. He shuffled over to the tiny window of his domicile and watched as the night began to silently drift off the landscape. Reddish pink sunbeams began to filter through the sky, cut into interesting designs by the multi-leveled buildings that covered every inch of the ground. A frown emerged on the face of the man - the scene had been beautiful before he'd noticed the buildings.
Yempt glanced around at his three roommates, all blanketed over in some form of sleep or another. He scowled at them, reminding himself of each of their particular faults, and continued to get ready for work. He was a waiter on Food Courtia. It wasn't a glamorous job, but Yempt comforted himself with the fact that he worked at a real restaurant unlike those unfortunate screw-ups who were banished there. He knew he was short, and seeing as height was everything to an Irken, he didn't expect much from life. Glaring at himself in the mirror, he once again noticed his unusual eyes. He'd always wanted common red eyes, and even rarer purple eyes would have done, but to be stuck with such an oddity was something that rubbed against Yempt's very nature. He grumbled and pulled on his uniform before leaving to perform his duties.
His duties weren't extremely strenuous, consisting of the things waiters generally did: seating customers, taking orders, delivering food, giving the bill. Yempt had learned to be satisfied with it, and managed to go throughout the day without letting his pessimistic, sarcastic thoughts slip past his tongue. He'd made the mistake of speaking his mind once when he'd first been given his assignment, but his superior had made it very clear to him that such attitude would not be tolerated. From that day forth Yempt just went along his way, allowing the contemptuous rot in his mind to build up and transform into a general dislike if not hate for all living things.
On his break he generally ate in the lower sections of Food Courtia, where one could find the cheaper and unfortunately greasier selections of food. As he made his way there that day, someone very small caught his eye. This Irken was actually shorter than himself, which was a distinguishing feat. He wore a stained red military shirt and stood stiffly at the entrance to one of the communal sitting/eating areas. Yempt glanced over at the line of fast food joints and their advertisements for their disgusting foodstuffs and decided that perhaps he'd skip lunch that day. He marched over to the one dressed as a soldier and looked him over with a displeased expression. " - What are you doing?" he finally asked.
This had gotten the other's attention. The soldier saluted and retained his militaristic stance. "Guarding the food court!"
Yempt cocked one eye and glanced about, more for show then for any actual purpose. He crossed his arms and scowled. "I wasn't aware there were guards on Food Courtia. You're the first one I've seen." He made an effort to make the sarcasm drip from his mouth. It felt so good too finally be able to talk to someone.
The guard seemed unaware of the sarcasm. "I've been assigned to guard the entire planet!" The guard straitened himself, if it was possible for him to stand any straighter. Yet, a small grin on the Irken's face revealed that the absurdity of the situation wasn't completely lost on him.
"The entire planet? How are you supposed to - nevermind. WHY were you assigned to do that?"
"To gain life experience in preparation for more challenging assignments." This was said in such a way as to make the waiter think it was a quote.
"So - you're preparing for a promotion? What's your name?" Yempt tapped his foot impatiently.
"Skoodge, at your service!" Skoodge clicked his heels while Yempt almost smiled, which would be the equivalent to doubling over in laughter for him. He'd heard of Skoodge - that Irken had begun to become a common joke. Poor, gullible Skoodge. Yempt almost felt like he was talking to a celebrity. He was just the sort of go-getter Yempt had never even attempted to be, realizing the futility at an early age. "You?"
The waiter cringed at the question. Aside from his eyes, Yempt's name was the one thing he hated most about himself. It was strange sounding, awkward, and downright ugly. It was traditional for Irken's to have one syllable long names, but the population was growing and the amount of one syllable name combinations were running low. Yempt assumed that it was only a matter of time before they were forced to start using two syllables, but that didn't really matter to him. What mattered to him was the fact this occurrence was responsible for his stupid name. "...Yempt."
Skoodge nodded at him and smiled. "Nice to meet you."
Yempt rolled his eyes. "What's so nice about it? You're here on Food Courtia, for Irk's sake! You should be miserable -"
The soldier just shrugged his broad shoulders. "It's not so bad. There's all sort of interesting people here."
Yempt examined the throngs of gorging lifeforms with a contemptuous eye. Everyone seemed equally disgusting to him in their own right, and he could see no reason to take special notice of any of them. He narrowed his eyes at Skoodge and grunted. "They aren't interesting."
"Sure there are!" There was something in the soldier's voice that made Yempt believe that he was not the sort of person to give up easily. He resigned himself to listen to the explanation. "For instance, look over there." Skoodge pointed to a female Irken, grotesquely tall and casually sitting alone at one of the booths. In one hand she held a burger and in the other an electronic pad. She chewed on one while she examined the other. She didn't wear any uniform Yempt could recognize, but a tan- colored outfit matched with brown boots and gloves. "She's one of the most interesting people I've seen here," continued Skoodge. "She comes here all the time and is always staring at that pad of hers. Either that or she leans back in her booth with her eyes closed. When I first saw her like that I thought she was sleeping, but she was thinking. She's always thinking about something."
"She's crazy," was Yempt's simple response. "I've seen her too. Whenever she needs to go somewhere nice to eat, she comes to the restaurant where I work. She refuses to eat anything unless she's personally met everyone in the establishment. Afraid she'll get poisoned or something -" He pursed his lips in a deeper frown when he considered the woman. "She must have been banished or something - wearing civilian cloths."
Skoodge shrugged. "Maybe she's on a special assignment."
Yempt directed his glare toward his companion. "You're an optimist, aren't you? Well, that's just stupid. Did you know you're the laughing stock of the Irken race? The Tallest tried to KILL you. Then they sent you to that horrible 'training' planet promising to promote you. Then rather than promoting you, they send you to gain 'life experience' when you've already succeeded in invading a planet. When are you going to get the picture? Nothing good is ever going come of your hard work. You might as well just give up now!" Yempt knew he was ranting, but he was having more fun then he'd had in a long time. He motioned toward himself. "Look at me! I'm short too, but I know my place. I don't put idle hopes in foolish dreams - I complacently do my job. I'm satisfied!"
Skoodge shook his head. "I feel sorry for you."
This comment was too much for Yempt to bear. He threw his hands up in the air, growling as he turned and walked away. He had to get back to work.
That night he was in for a surprise that he would one day regret. He was performing his usual tasks, minding his own business, when he saw that woman walk in the restaurant. For some reason the usually capricious owner allowed her to dine there even though she was obviously no noble. He figured it was because of her height, but even then she didn't fit in with the crowd. Although she always dressed properly for the occasion, this woman didn't carry the right air about her. One thing Yempt enjoyed about working at such a high-end establishment was that he was always surrounded by the pompous upper class who only worked to affirm his grim views of society. She blew all his theories away.
"Hey there, Yempt! How are you today?" The woman smiled at him, waving one gloved hand in his direction. She was now wearing a deep scarlet gown that matched her eyes and long black gloves.
"Very well, Miss Tah. Shall I escort you to your usual table?"
"Sure thing. I've got some guests arriving - they'll mention my name." She followed him to her table, a rather secluded booth in the corner of the swanky hall, pulling out her infernal pad the moment she sat down. "Thank you, Yempt," she said as she looked down at its surface with a look of concentration.
Yempt sighed and walked away, picking up some used dishes as he passed by. It was minutes before Tah's guests arrived in the form of two finely dressed gentlemen. One was Irken with pastel red eyes while the other was a Belthorp, looking like an insect with his brown, segmented body. Both were obviously gangsters. He politely led them to the table and they seated themselves across from Tah in her booth. Yempt shuddered as he saw them eye her with hungry eyes, but he guessed that was what Tah had anticipated. She smiled seductively at the both of them, and even teased the Irken's jaw with the gloved tip of one of her claws.
All three of them seemed very friendly with one another throughout the various courses of their dinner. There was laughter and flirtation - the general sort of thing that occurred when long separated friends finally got together. It was nights like these that made Yempt suspicious of Tah's character, wondering if she'd been banished. After dessert they quieted their tones to hushed speech - leaning forward as they spoke on more business-like matters. Tah pulled out her pad once again, apparently checking some things with her various notes. She nodded and asked questions of the men, and they responded with shifty eyes. This lasted very late into the night, and Yempt was beginning to get upset. Closing had come and gone and it was past time for him to go to bed. After all, he'd have to get up and do the exact same thing tomorrow. He haughtily began to approach the booth when the owner, an overbearing female Irken who stood a good four inches taller than Yempt, pulled him away. "Let them finish their talk, boy," she hissed maliciously. "She's a good customer, and we want her to return!"
Yempt sighed with acceptance and waited until he could finally clean her booth. He wanted to hurry, but knew he was too short to do a sloppy job. Therefore he made certain everything was just as it had been before anyone had arrived. If it weren't for his attention to detail, he would have missed a small piece of paper that had found its way under the table. He picked it up and examined its surface. On one side it read in strait, black slashes 'XIIIIXIXXIXIXXXIIV.' He realized that it must have belonged to either Tah or one of her cohorts. He considered leaving it, letting chance take the responsibility, but instead his hand shoved the piece of paper into his pocket.
Once back to his quarters he went directly to bed. His roommates had all left for their late night shifts, something that pleased Yempt greatly, and he lost no time in drifting into the nothingness of slumber.
The next day began as all days did for Yempt. He got up, taking a short wistful glance at the window before remembering how much he despised the universe, glared around at his sleeping roommates, got dressed, and headed off to report for duty. He ate where he usually ate lunch, this time ignoring Skoodge as he stood patrol. As he chewed on his burrito his deep green eyes shifted toward Tah. She sat in the exact same seat she had when he'd seen her the other day, and he supposed that she was a slave of habit.
A thought crossed his mind and he fingered through his pocket. The paper he'd found the other day was still there, and he wondered if he should return it. It certainly had something to do with some illegal activity, considering the kind of people Tah'd been with the night before. Yempt could tell Tah was upset about something as he examined her face - she was staring at her pad with her brow furrowed in worry. He watched her as she looked in each of her pockets and scratched her head in confusion. She'd definitely lost something and the waiter was sure he had what she'd lost. He mused too himself whether he should give it back or not. It would probably do some harm if he gave it back, but then again, did something like that really matter? He figured it would make more sense to gain some brownie points with a tall person. He finally decided to stand up and head toward her table. She glanced down at him to look him in the eye, despite the fact she was sitting. He held out the paper and frowned at her. "I found this under your table," he said in what he hoped was a distant voice.
Her face brightened immediately as she grabbed the paper from her hands. "Thank you!" she said with a brilliant smile. "One of my guests gave me this, and I was looking all over for it. I just don't know how to -" her words halted for a moment as her gaze drifted past him. Her eyes sharpened with recognition and her expression darkened for a moment, but this only lasted for a fraction of a second. Her face immediately lifted again as she beamed at Yempt. "I just don't know how to thank you, er, what's your name?"
Yempt was startled for a moment. She'd never forgotten his name in all the time she'd been coming to his restaurant and why she'd forget now was beyond him. However, he suspected it had something to do with her disgusting height. "Yempt," he reminded in a flat tone, "Yempt."
"Yes, yes, well, it's very nice to meet you!" Her voice was uncommonly loud. "You say you saw me drop this? Well, thanks for bringing it back." She nodded happily at him and returned to her work. Yempt eyed her before turning back to his table. This woman was even stranger than he'd originally thought.
That evening was similar to the previous evening. Rude customers had kept him up late and he was only half aware as he got ready for bed. He lumbered toward the cleansing room, opening the door only to be shocked by a piercing red light. The light only lasted for a moment, but the surprise of it caused Yempt to stand still for a long time. He finally glanced behind him and gasped when he found a blackened spot on the floor. He poked his head into the cleansing room, and sure enough a laser had been set up in such a way as to fire when the door opened. Luckily for Yempt whoever had constructed the apparatus had miscalculated his stature, supposing him to be slightly taller then he really was. Yempt hurried to dismantle the laser and hide the evidence, but he was severely shaken up. He didn't sleep a wink that night, imagining someone climbing through the window or bursting through the door to raid his quarters and murder him in his sleep. Instead of facing those horrific thoughts, Yempt pulled himself out of bed and wandered the streets of Food Courtia until it was time for him to work.
As he worked he regularly glanced at the time meter, anticipating his lunch break. He knew who he had to blame for the attempt on his life, and he was dead set on giving her a piece of his mind. The moment he was free, he stormed to her usual seat and glared at her with steaming eyes. "You!" he pointed at her.
"Me?"
He growled in anger. "Yes, you! I don't know what sort of low-lifes you associate with, or what kind of sordid affairs you participate in, and I don't really care - but I don't want to be a part of it!" He trembled with anger as he remembered the blackened spot on the floor. The shot would have killed him in one hit.
"What happened?" asked Tah frantically.
"Oh, I think you know." Yempt moodily placed his hands on his hips as he sneered at her contemptuously. "The laser? Last night? Trying to KILL me?"
A hand flew to Tah's mouth as her eyes opened wide. "Oh no," she whispered as she slightly shook her head. "They think you're with me."
"What?" Yempt didn't trust her apparent innocence.
The gears in Tah's brain began to turn. "Well," she said in a somewhat braver voice, "I guess there's only one way to protect you now." As she pulled out her pad she reached over with one of her long, slim arms and forced Yempt into the booth with her. He noticed that she had one of the more advanced electronic pads in production and he wondered how she attained her funding. Then he thought of the men she'd been with and wondered no more. She tapped in a few commands and the pad sprung to life with the image of two men - apparently it was one of those expensive models that could be used as a monitor as well. It was then that Yempt noticed who the two men were. They were none other then the Almighty Tallest themselves, Tallest Red and Tallest Purple. Yempt couldn't believe she'd gotten through to them, but what really shocked him was that his monarchs didn't seem upset that she had. Yempt could only cower in his seat as he stared blankly at the two personages.
"Tah!" cheered Tallest Purple as he recognized her image.
"Hey," said Tallest Red as he waved one hand at her, "How you doing?"
Tah smiled at the both of them before getting to her point. "I'm doing very well, my Tallest. I've just called ask about something."
"Ask away!" Yempt couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was this Tah person talking with the Almighty leaders of Irk, but they actually seemed excited to hear from her and willing to give her whatever she wanted. He wondered exactly how deep her criminal manipulation had infiltrated - his dark mind was convinced she was no respected soldier.
She grabbed Yempt by the shoulders, much to his extreme annoyance. "Do I have the power to, say, recruit people into my service - like if I needed help with something and had to take them away from their job for a while?" Now Yempt realized that not only were her hands on his shoulders to display him, but also to keep him from escaping.
"Do whatever you need to do!" ordered Tallest Red with his notoriously evil grin.
Tah wiggled her antennae. "Thank you, my Tallest."
"Sweeping authorization," sounded Tallest Purple from his comrade's side. "That's what you have!"
Tah nodded and wiggled her antennae once again. "Yes, my Tallest." There was a familiarity in her voice that Yempt didn't trust.
"Oh, and Tah," added Purple after a moment. "Are you going to call tonight?"
"Of course," reassured Tah in a softer tone.
Tallest Red snickered and nudged Tallest Purple, who in response glared at him. "Stop that!" he said with every nudge. "Stop it.........Stop it!.........Stop it!"
Yempt could hear a silent giggle escape Tah's throat as she watched the ridiculas behavior of their leaders. "I'll report in later, my Tallest," she said with a broad grin.
Both the Tallest turned their attention to her for a brief moment to say their goodbyes before they began goofing off again. Yempt rolled his eyes and folded his arms in anger. The moment the image of the Tallest were gone he turned sharply to the woman beside him.
"What are you trying to do? How do you get access to them, and why are you asking them what you asked? What are you going to do to me? I don't care - I'm not going to cooperate!" He slumped his shoulders, still unable to escape her firm yet gentle grip.
"You have to cooperate," she said urgently into his antennae. "If not, you'll be killed!"
"Threatening my life now, are you? I'm not going to be a part of it!"
"You already are - and don't speak so loud!" Now her voice contained a harsh tinge. "Let me explain what I'm doing here! They saw you hand me that paper the other day. They are a crime syndicate I've been trying to dismantle for the last two years. Only now am I close to removing their head, severing the link that allows such an organized machine to run. I'm not the bad guy!" She shook him slightly.
"I saw you with those gangsters last night! Don't think I didn't notice! How stupid do you really think I am?"
"Small timers in comparison. Dealing with the likes of them is a necessary evil in my current line of profession. They're one of my sources to the criminal underworld, filthy yet harmless."
Yempt again rolled his eyes. "What - you want me to believe that you're some sort of disciplinarian meant to find and catch some evil mastermind who controls a gigantic crime syndicate? Do you expect me to believe that? Why not just knock off the leader and be done with it?"
Tah was silent for a moment, the tension growing within her. "No, he's too smart for that. This man sits in the center of his well-spun web, aware of every vibration at every point. Yet none of the filth of his activities touch him. He works through a highly complicated system of underlings and only sees the profits. At the end, there is no evidence as to his identity, no link to his guilt. Yet without him, I'm sure the entire system would collapse!" There was a great deal of passion in her words, and Yempt was surer than ever that she was completely berserk.
"No one like that could ever exist! Some phantom of a mastermind pulling all the strings - come on! And what is with this well-spun web analogy? Are you trying to be eloquent or something? It's not going to work."
Tah audibly sputtered for a moment. "What - what is wrong with you! Doesn't this scare you at all?"
"No."
"But the laser does, doesn't it?"
"...Yes."
"Will you trust me on the basis of that then?"
"That's my basis for NOT trusting you!" He tried once more to squirm from her grasp.
She let out an exasperated moan. "What about the Tallest? You saw that I was talking to them, didn't you? Certainly if they trust me, you can."
"I don't know HOW you're manipulating them -"
Now Tah yelled out in frustration before she was able to contain herself. Her grip tightened on his shoulders and she shut her eyes, apparently trying to think. "Fine then. You leave me no choice then to forcefully recruit you. I'm a higher rank then you, and as the Tallest themselves just said, I have the authority to do this. You and I are marching back to your place of work right now and telling them that you quit. You're helping me now. Even if you don't agree, you're employer must."