"Okay, so this is the scene where Edward takes Bella in the forest and d--"
"You've said that. I think…I think I'm ready. Is Kristen?"
"Let me see. Put on your sunglasses." Catherine danced around to where Kristen was, who was presently getting ready for the emotionally jarring scene in question.
Robert put on his glasses and licked his lips, his heart pounding in his chest. His mind began to think, preparing for the scene: This is going to be the best scene you're going to do in your life, isn't it, Spunk? Yes, it is. You're going to do great, aren't you? I am going to do great, Robert. No crying. No crying. No matter how bad it stings. Okay, I got it. You're not going to act like a sissy again, are you? No. Because Edward Cullen is not the sissy that cries Edward Cullen is a vampire, Rob. He doesn't cry. Shut up, Spunk Ransom. I'm doing the talking. Sorry. That's better. Who's the sexiest man? I am. Who plays the best Edward Cullen? I do. Who has broccoli in his teeth? AGAIN. Uh…me? Yes, Sherlock. Get it out. NOW. Stop bossing me around. Make me. No. Sissy. Shut up. Spunk Ransom isn't the coolest. He's a SISSY. Shut up. Make me, big boy.
"SHUT UP!"
All the crew looked at him. Obviously, no one else was talking. Great. He's the crazy one now. Of course, he was always the crazy one.
Sorry, dude. My fault. Yeah. Don't be so cold, gosh. Okay, more pep talk. If that's what you call a pep talk. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Be emotional. You mean unemotional. Yeah. You're great. I know. You're awesome. I know. You have the biggest fan base in the movies. I KNOW. You're adored by tons of fans. Yes, I know. Woman want to have your babies. Yep. And you want to have theirs. Not quite! Edward time. Go get 'em, tiger.
"Ugh."
"Did--uh, what?" Kristen said.
"Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Sorry."
"No offense, Rob, but you've got problems."
"Yeah, I know."
"You need some help."