Written in honor of all those who have opened one too many slash fics on accident, without realizing what "lemon" or "yaoi" meant until it was too late. Like I speak Japanese, how was I supposed to know what that meant?
Anyway, I imagine this would be Cloud's thoughts in song form if he discovered all these fanfics with him paired with everyone except Tifa or Aerith. I can't talk, though, I still love the Cloud/Aqua pairing...
Rated T for some reference to nasty things none of us should participate in, least of all Cloud. Some squick WILL occur. I cringed every few lines.
As always, I own neither the game nor the song. I just rewrote it so it fits the life of Chocobo Head.
I know I was a drag queen in that big Wall Market Scene
I put it behind me, but what do you mean I am the one
Who will hump Zack on the ground
They say I am the one who will dry hump Zack on the ground
She made me emit a scream, as she wrote out her erotic wet dream
Then every fan girl turned with starry eyes as they imagined Sephiroth and me
Getting it on right on the ground
Barret always said don't get portrayed as an uke
And don't be a pretty boy in the starring role
And Zack always told me be careful of the fan girls' lust
And be careful of their smut 'cause Internet shows it all
Sephiroth is not my lover
But all these fan girls claim that I am the one
I will never give them a peek
They says I am the one, but back away, you sick freaks!
For all these years since our game took flight
The fandom was on their side
But who can stand when slash is in demand
Seph's stalking me
'Cause we clashed in all these games
But it wasn't USTD, so let the silver haired turd take the blame!
(Take the blame)
Now he told Tifa we'd made out till three, then Tifa looked at me
Then showed some fanart with us guys gazing in each others' eyes
'Cause we were written in the fics as uke and seme
Barret always said don't be portrayed as an uke
And don't be a pretty boy in a Square game
Seph came and stood right by me
Then the smell of Jenova's goo
This lemon's just too crude
Now they got me moseying to his room?
Sephiroth is not my lover
Though all these fan girls claim that I am the one
I must say that I am straight
Sephiroth is not my lover
Though all these fan girls who claim that I am the one
I will never give them a peek
They say I am the one, back away, you sick freaks!
They say I am the one, back away, you sick freaks!
Sephiroth is not my lover
Though all these fan girls claim that I am the one
I will never give them a peek
They say I am the one, hands off, you sick freaks!
They say I am the one, let go of my clothes, you sick freaks!
They say I am the one
(Sephiroth is not my lover)
Sephiroth is
Not my lover
Sephiroth is not my lover (Those fan girls received a Buster Sword to the clavicle!)
Sephiroth is
Sephiroth is
Sephiroth is not my lover
Sephiroth is not my lover
Poor Cloud. This made me recall so many traumatic experiences with fan fiction.
You wear a dress one time, and the fandom never lets you live it down...