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EPOV
"Ed-ward, it's time to get u-p."
No, no its not, I don't care what the little imp was planning, getting me to wake up in her over the top, high pitched sing-song voice would not get me up.
"Eddie?"
I gave her nothing.
"Ed?"
Again, zilch, nada, nothing.
"Eddie-kins, you have a skank of a red head next to you, smearing her hooker cheap make-up over your fuck knows how many thread count Egyptian white pillows. You may want to kick her ass out before I do. You're too polite to leave bruises, me on the other hand…"
Now this, this was what woke me up.
A one night stand I could deal with, but someone messing with my bedding, now that was a big no-no.
I gave out a slight groan as my eyes took in the harsh autumn sun, causing my head to pound, and then I made it worse by moving.
Why on earth did I drink so much last night?