Title: Ship in a Bottle
Author: Dragana
Main Pairing: Bonnie/Klaus
Other Pairings: Caroline/Tyler
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Bad Language. Total Crack fic. No beta.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries or the Coquette Café.
Summary: After Damon turns her mother Bonnie decides it's time she started to work on her magic seriously.
Author's note: Thanks to QueenKeeta69 for listening and reading all the bits of fic I send your way.

Ship in a Bottle

After Damon kills her mother Bonnie, admittedly, gets a little upset. Goes a little bit crazy. Okay, fine, maybe she just snaps a little and decides that vampires have fucked with her long enough and she wasn't going to suffer anymore. Not for Elena, not for this town. She wasn't going to take it, wasn't going to give in, especially not at the expense of her last living family member.

It takes a few weeks; between Alaric going batshitinsane and killing off council members (or you know, random founding family members) and her mother leaving again, Bonnie works on refining her very first spell. She fixes Ric first; she can't not fix him- he's a human, killing humans because of a magical ring her ancestor made. And as much as she'd like to think about herself she has a job to do.

Nature, balance- all that shit.

It is very hard to look Elena in the eye and not set her on fire. These days it's difficult to remember why they're friends in the first place. Elena is selfish and is loyal to whoever's giving her the most attention at that second. Every time she thinks about Abby and how she'd be alive if Elena hadn't felt sorry for Elijahand told him the plan she wants to end her and send her heart to Klaus just for kicks.

'Klaus,

I wonder if you can you make your hybrid army out of this?'

xoxo Bonnie Bennett.'

Bonnie can tell that Caroline knows what she's thinking and she occupies Elena while Bonnie consults other witches, orders rare herbs off the internet and modifies the tomb spell. When it's ready she calls a meeting at the boarding house, claiming to have found a way to kill Klaus for good and forgets to invite anyone other than Damon and Stefan.

Stefan texts her; he tells her to let herself in, make herself comfortable. He says that he and Damon will meet her after they meet with Liz. Someone's got to cover for Alaric after all and while Liz is usually understanding even she can't let a murderer go free (at least not a human murderer).

He pretends he and his brother hadn't killed her mother.

When they come in they're arguing, about what she couldn't care less and she has just enough time to finish the first part of the spell before they notice they aren't alone. Damon tries to stop her; he's smart enough to know that a Bennett chanting in his presence isn't a good thing but he doesn't take more than a few steps before he's down.

Stefan falls where he stands, his face a mix of surprise and betrayal that gives her happy tingles. For a second she wants to be petty, stand over him and say, "How ya like me now Stefan?" But she's not that far gone. She does give him a little tap with the tip of her shoe though, almost like rolling a hacky sack off her foot before she bends over to look at him.

When the spell is over both brothers are about the size of a Ken doll, wide awake and unable to move. Damon is furious and the look on his face further brightens her day. Now he knows how it feels, to be loomed over, looked down upon. She doesn't feel bad when she picks them up, drops them in her purse and locks the boarding house behind her.

When she gets home she lingers on the porch for long time, debating the next part of the plan. If she invites mini Damon and Stefan in and they ever return to their former selves her father would be in danger. But in order for the plan to work she has to bring them inside. As she thinks on this dilemma she swings her purse in a wide arc and every so often she can hear Stefan or Damon's shoes (heads) hit her Grimoire.

She finally decides that she's come this far- she can always have Caroline compel her dad into signing over the house to a distant cousin or some random human if the worst happens. Or she could take other measures to ensure her father's safety. Either way her father will be safe. She unlocks her door and steps through, pulling the purse behind her. She gives it a few good tugs before inviting them in (just because she can) and once she's inside she locks the door behind her.

The first part is done.

BKBKBKB

In the spare room Bonnie drops to her knees in front of the house. The doll size boarding house she'd had made and spelled with the modified tomb spell. It had everything- working gas, water, electric. There were bed rooms, a library and den. A working kitchen with a tiny refrigerator to store the shrunken blood bags, shrunken clothes, books, a yard- It took a lot of work but this was what she'd come up with.

She opened her purse and pulled the vampires out by their feet. Damon, the bastard he is, bent at the waist and tried to bite her. But Bonnie was not only bigger, she was faster too and before his fangs could make contact she'd flicked him into the side of the house. Stefan didn't put up much of a fight but he did try and reason with her.

She wasn't in the mood to listen.

She set Stefan down on the front 'lawn' and watched them watch her. Damon wasn't happy, she could hear him screaming at her but she wasn't in the mood to take note of his threats. It's always the same with him, "I'll rip your throat out, blah, kill your father, blah, compel/drain/terrorize the town, blah." He got tired of yelling quickly and started trying to hop off the table but he just bounced back.

It was fun to watch.

"You brought this on yourselves. I told you Stefan, if one innocent was harmed by your brother I'd take him out, him and anyone that got in my way."

Damon doesn't want to listen and wanders off to inspect the house. Stefan, the more level headed brother (despite his ripper status) tries again to plead their case but Bonnie's had enough.

"I can't kill you; you were trying to do the right thing, save Elena but you could have come to me. You could have done a hundred different things Stefan and you kill my mother? Unacceptable."

He tries to tell her they aren't safe, not with Klaus running around; she isn't strong enough to take him out alone. This she ignores- he doesn't know what she's strong enough to do- he never bothered to find out.

"You want to live forever Stefan- well here you go. You've got food, water, clothes, entertainment; if you're good I'll even get you a few friends."

And with that she leaves him to pick a room.

BKBKBKB

It isn't hard to find Kol; he's at the Grill- well behind the Grill- eating a young man. She allows him to finish, compel the kid and just as he turns to show off, rub it in her face, she finishes the spell she'd started under her breath.

She picks him up on the way to get a snack.

BKBKBKB

Rebekah and a vampire named Sage are walking near the town hall and she follows behind them. They know she's there but they both think they can take her; they are older, stronger and Sage believes she can outsmart anyone.

Especially a young, inexperienced witch, like her.

They lead her down a dark alley way (such a cliché but what can you expect from vampires) and once she's far enough not to be seen on the street they turn to face her.

"Did my mother send you?" Someone should really tell her bitterness is unattractive but Bonnie doubts that anyone really cares. Rebekah doesn't come close enough for Bonnie to catch her in the spell so she takes a few steps forward.

Sage is a friend of Damon, or so she says but she's really looking out for herself- hence her meeting with the Original blood slut. She's over confident, boldly showing Bonnie her vampire face but Bonnie's just as bold these days and she keeps on walking.

As she moves she starts a small fire behind the women on the other side of the alley, forcing them to move in her direction. Rebekah grows tired of the game first and tries to get behind Bonnie, block her in, but Bonnie's prepared for this and in no time at all she's got a couple of Barbies in her purse.

BKBKBKB

She thought long and hard about Klaus and how she could trap him too. She couldn't leave him free and she wasn't strong enough to kill him.

Yet.

So, she'd have to be creative with him. The hybrid had been alive for a thousand years, on the run from Mikael just as long. He probably had hundreds of enemies over the years and he wasn't going to stand still and let her trap him like the others did.

She was still thinking about it when she ran into Matt in front of the Grill. He wasn't watching where he was going and she was lost in thought. When they hit both of them bounced apart and landed on their asses in the middle of the sidewalk.

It's when Bonnie's purse popped open at the contact and both vampires tried to escape that Matt finally takes notice of his surroundings. Matt tried to process what he was seeing (it's not everyday living things crawl out of someone's handbag and set off down the street) while Bonnie scrambled to her feet and froze the two before they could get far.

"Bonnie, what the hell? Is that Rebekah?" Bonnie nodded and quickly levitated the two screaming girls over to where she stood. "I had to do something Matt. You understand right?"

Matt tried to stay out of all the supernatural messes his friends got themselves into but this was a bit much. Bonnie had this crazy look in her eyes that he didn't think he should ignore. She was channeling Damon; nothing good could come from that!

"Bon?" Bonnie ignored him, grabbed Sage out of the air and tossed her into her purse. When she took hold of Rebekah the Original bit her pointer finger and Bonnie immediately let go, dropping the vampire.

Before she could hit the ground Matt caught her by the back of her dress and lifted her up to take a closer look. Rebekah was flailing around and Matt had to tighten his hold but he could tell the girl was pissed. Bonnie, unapologicly, opened her purse and offered it up so he could toss the vampire in.

"This is your plan?" He reluctantly set Rebekah inside the open bag before Sage could escape again. "Maybe you should talk to Ric about this?" If anyone could talk some sense into the young witch it'd be him.

"I've got this Matt. I'm going to fix everything."

BKBKBKB

When Bonnie opened the door to the spare room she could already tell Damon had been up to no good. He'd started a fire in the front 'yard,' the tub in the first floor bathroom was over flowing and it looked like Stefan was picking bits of wood out of his thigh.

Overemotional little bitch.

She could see the back of Kol's head- he was sitting on the tool shed she had at the west end of the 'yard;' she couldn't see the what he was doing but she heard Damon's fist beat against something and Kol's laugh. Whatever the original was doing Damon earned it as far as she was concerned.

She dumped the purse out over the barrier and let the vampires fall out into the yard. She couldn't risk them getting loose in the house. That her father wouldn't understand. Stefan glanced up, rolled his eyes at the girls before going back to tending his wounds.

Sage and Rebekah took in their surroundings and like Damon tried to escape but they didn't get very far. It was almost as amusing as Damon's attempts. Almost. Rebekah was the first to give up; she made her way to Kol, no doubt hoping to come up with some sort of an escape plan. Sage gave it a few more running head starts before she finally bought a clue and sat her ass down.

Damon had yet to make an appearance but Bonnie knew he was watching (by this time he'd made a hole just big enough for his head and she could feel his creepy eyes watching her) so she smiled, just for him, hoping to irritate him a bit more.

"Hey Stefan? Why don't you fill them in for me? I've got a few more errands to run."

BKBKBKB

She still didn't have a plan to get Klaus that night but she wasn't worried. Klaus wasn't going anywhere, the rest of them were trapped in the 'boarding house' and Elena was avoiding her. At this point life couldn't get any better.

But it seems she spoke too soon because she was woken by a hysterical doppelganger around midnight.

"Bonnie Stefan's missing…" Whine, whine, blah, blah, blah… whine. This time Caroline wasn't around to talk Bonnie down and since she broke in looking for Stefan and Damon Bonnie figured she should give the girl what she came for.

Before she could sit up and wipe the sleep from her eyes the spell was cast and Elena was lying at the foot of her bed. The witch took a second to stretch then pushed the covers aside, crawled to the foot of the bed and picked her friend up off the floor.

She was awake but she couldn't move yet so Bonnie put her on the bed and pulled on her robe. Bonnie debated with herself for a second; it'd be wrong to put Elena into the boarding house 'tomb'…right? On the other hand, Elena wanted to be with the vampires, they were important to her after all. More important than her oldest, dearest friends.

What would it hurt to give her what she wanted?

Deciding she was too tired to give a fuck she gathered her friend up, crossed the hall to the spare room and flipped on the light. Stefan was in his room and it looked like he was writing in a journal. Damon was drinking in the bath. Rebekah was sleeping, Kol was lying under her bed like some creepy Edward Cullen and Sage was missing.

Maybe one of them whacked her. One could only hope.

All of them looked up when Bonnie came in but she ignored them. She set Elena down in Stefan's room, promised she'd shrink some clothes for Elena in the morning and turned right around and left.

BKBKBKB

Caroline called the next day. Matt called. Alaric called. She ignored them all; she was busy trying to find Elijah, shrink Elena's possessions and clean the house before her father made his monthly appearance. Around three she came up for air and decided to go out for a late lunch.

She bypassed the Grill (Matt was working and Alaric was quite possibly drinking) and drove the extra twenty minutes to the Coquette Café. It was more expensive and that meant she wouldn't see anyone she knew. So it was just her luck that when she entered she could feel Klaus in the building but she wasn't worried.

Klaus knew better than to fuck with her in public.

The waiter had barely taken two steps away from her table when he joined her and she smiled behind her menu. Maybe she wouldn't have to trick him after all. One more thing to check off her list.

"Witch." She didn't even have to look up, catch his expression- she knew he was smug, smiling- showing off those killer dimples. It's too bad he's undead and an asshole. She couldn't deal with both. Still- it was better than undead and brooding.

When she didn't drop the menu or otherwise acknowledge him he caressed her thigh under the table.

"Hybrid." She gave him an aneurism, a small one, but she could tell it hurt like a bitch when his fingers dropped from her body and he hissed like a snake. She lowered the menu and smirked at the aggravated look on his face.

"What can I do for you Niklaus?"

"I'm short a few siblings Ms. Bennett. You wouldn't happen to know where they could be by any chance?" He smiles at her and picks up a menu as if he could care less about Rebekah and Kol's whereabouts. "I'd ask the Salvatores but they seem to missing as well."

She wondered if this was his A- game; if it was she'd have him in the boarding house with the rest of the vampires before dinner. She's sure he'd like to be reunited with his precious doppelganger blood bag. Or Stefan. It was hard to tell most days. "Maybe they went looking for your mother. She tried to kill you after all. If my mother tried to kill me I'd be a bit cranky too."

Bonnie tries to sound serious but can't help that it doesn't quite come out that way. He nods, like he expected her response and waves the waiter over. They order; Klaus has the Poulet Rôti with roasted beets and she has the bacon wrapped Strauss veal meatloaf with garlic mashed potatoes and porcini reduction. They talk politics and sports (he's a Democrat, 'no, seriously Bonnie.' and a fan of the Cubs).

They discuss the rain forest, the polar ice caps and responsible recycling. Bonnie mentions PETA and they share a laugh, (They need to give you an award, I'm sure turning Stefan into the Ripper has saved countless innocent animals.) Klaus mentions gay marriage and Bonnie leans in closer when he offhandedly admits to compelling politicians (Who I'm I to judge Love, I eat people). They share bites of each other's entrées and split dessert (Oeufs a la neige).

He doesn't bring up the missing supernaturals again and she doesn't threaten to kill him. He pays (she offers the tip and he agrees, after a small argument involving fire and a broken finger). All in all it's the best afternoon she's had in a long time. Who would have thought?

When they've finished and he's walked her to her car he asks what she's doing for breakfast.

"What about Caroline? I thought you 'fancied' her." She suppresses the giggles that want to escape at the thought of his crush on the blonde. He huffs and laughs like he knows what she's thinking. "I know how to take a hint Bonnie. She doesn't want to know me, so I've decided to respect her wishes."

Since she's doing all sorts of crazy shit these days she agrees to breakfast and second guesses her plan to shrink him too.

BKBKBKB

Three weeks later Alaric, Meredith and Elijah are trapped in the boarding house with the rest of the vampires, Finn and Ester are dead, Caroline and Tyler are back together and Klaus and Bonnie are dating. Matt's even got health insurance.

No ones inquired about the missing supernaturals and if you ask Bonnie people are better off without knowing. Caroline and Klaus suspect Bonnie (Klaus isn't really worried about his siblings, she can't kill an Original without a little extra power- he could care less about the rest of them.) but they don't want to question a good thing.

And they don't want to get on her shit list.

Tyler wonders if they've run away together (Klaus and Caroline wait for Bonnie to flip her shit or do something drastic like kill them all but she takes a bite of her fortune cookie and shrugs) and Matt is quick to agree. He's seen what Bonnie could do and there's no way he's going to let her turn him into a living Ken doll.

Maybe she'll let them go when she calms down a bit. Or when she's found her mother. Or when Damon and Stefan get over themselves and tell Elena where she can shove it. Perhaps Klaus will piss her off and she'll be forced to play shrink the hybrid. It's anyone's guess what the future will hold.