If her life was a cartoon, she's fairly certain that her face would be green with envy and steam coming out of her ears in anger. The scene in front of her made her stomach twist in agony. Castle - her boyfriend (God, it was still strange to say that. Richard Castle was her boyfriend. Hers!) had his hand placed on the suspects arm and it was evident that she was leaning into his touch and it irked her. Kate never got jealous before, not before him. Now, she was seething green eyed monster ready to go for the kill.
It didn't help that the girl - Amber was her name - was exactly Castle's type. She was an actress. She was blonde and skinny. She did yoga on the weekend and had the perfect life. She wasn't Kate. She wasn't damaged. She wasn't covered in scars, including the bullet shaped one on her chest. She wasn't broken and damaged. She was everything that Kate Beckett wasn't - she was perfect.
The realization cut to the bone and Kate silently prayed that Amber was the murderer just so there would be something not perfect about her. So that she'd be a fault and be a bit more Kate. Besides, she knew that wasn't probable because Amber's alibi was rock solid - she was filming her television show at the time of the murder. The only thing Amber was guilty of was drooling over her boyfriend. That alone needed to be probable cause for murder.
" Castle! We're done here," she said. "Thank you so much for your time, Amber. We'll let you know if we have any more questions for you. Don't leave town, okay?" She didn't wait for Amber to answer her nor did she check if Castle was following her. She just left as quick as they came, trying to ignore the churning of her stomach.
Maybe it was because she didn't say she loved him. It wasn't that she didn't because she did; she just wasn't ready. Admitting that she wanted him was a big step for her. Allowing him to love her was another. Allowing herself to openly love him back? She didn't know if she was ready for that hurt yet. She didn't know if she could handle that so she kept it inside. She had planned on telling him tonight. After all, they had officially been together for a month and she was practically living out of his place. They both found that they slept better together and that they had been apart for far too long. Things seemed to be going great, but maybe she had waited too long. Maybe he was tired of waiting for that final wall to fall down.
The worst part about it was that Castle didn't even know what was wrong. They were off balance for the rest of the day and every time he asked, she told him to figure it out. Maybe she was overreacting, but she knew at this and he knew better. He knew how insecure she was yet he was throwing himself at girls who weren't broken, who weren't her. How could he?
" You really aren't going to tell me, are you?" Castle asked her from his chair at the side of her desk. The glare she gave him was all the answer he needed. "Okay, well, I guess I'm going to head home." His voice was hard and resentful before it softened. " You're still coming home, right?"
Without a second thought, she nodded. Home. That's what it was, wasn't it? Castle was her home and she knew she couldn't sleep without him, no matter how angry she was that he just didn't understand.
" Okay," he said, a small smile on his face. "I'll see you later..." /span
The hesitation in his voice hurt her a bit, but it was what it was at the moment.
It was three hours later when Beckett finally made it over to Castle's place. They had closed the case and as much as she wanted it to be Amber, it wasn' t. Instead, it was the wife. Typical. She actually finished all the paperwork before coming home in an attempt to calm down, but it didn't help. She was still boiling. She was still hurting and he just didn't get it.
Out of habit, Kate knocked on the door and as always, Castle opened it in less than a second. "Hi," he said warily as if testing her mood. The look on her face and her shrug past him was enough for him. "Kate, I've been thinking and I don't understand. I don't know what I did. Please tell me." He was pleading and looked on the verge of tears. Silly stupid emotional man.
Placing two fingers on the bridge of her nose, she sighed. "I know before it was a game. "Let's see how many girls I can flirt with until Beckett gets mad." But it isn't a game anymore, Castle. Goddammit. I'm here and you're still doing that playboy act of yours flirting with every perfect girl you see on the streets," she sighed again, only this time it was a sigh of sadness and not exasperation. "I know that I'm not like her... I'm not blonde or perfect and I have scars and I'm a cop and not a movie star but fuck, Cast-."
She didn't get to finish what she was going to say because that was all it took before Castle's lips found hers. She reveled in the contact for just a moment before pulling away. The amused look on his face made her even more outraged. She went to pull away completely but he grabbed her back.
" Katherine Beckett, you listen to me," said Castle. "I'm flirt and I know it, but I'm changing. I've changed since I met you - just like you've changed since you've met me. I'm not the same guy I was when you first met me. I'm not out with numerous girls and I don't flirt with everyone I see. I wasn't flirting, Kate, or at least I wasn't meaning to. I was just trying to be friendly and I just crossed the line. I didn't mean it. I promise," he said, lifting her chip up so he could see her eyes.
" And don't you ever compare yourself to those girls. You are perfect. I love your hair and your eyes and your body and God, I love all of your scars. Each of them shaped you into who you are today and are a remaindered that you survived, Kate. That you are here with me now and not laying in some damn morgue because you didn't come to your senses. I want you, Kate. Just you. I love you, no one else," Castle said as he finished before pressing his lips to hers. "Just you, Kate."
The wetness from her eyes didn't surprise her anymore, not when it came his words. They were beautiful and crafted just for her. She knew that yet sometimes, she just needed to be assured that he was here to stay and she knew he was. He wasn't going anywhere and neither was he. They were both one and done. This was their always. "I love you," she whispered before she kissed him again.
" I know," Castle said with a cocky grin. She had imagined that he'd be shocked to hear the words she said, but he wasn't. It wasn't the words he needed. Her actions showed him day after day that she loved him. He knew they would come when they were ready and they did. Castle grinned and kissed her slow and teasingly. "But show me anyways," he challenged as he dragged her towards their bedroom.
Maybe her life wasn't a cartoon where she turned green with envy, but she was pretty sure she was living her own fairytale and instead of happily ever after, it was going to end in always. Always.