Thank you to the Bookbinder's Daughter who found another really bad mistake, apologies and its all better now!
I thank Miriel Amarian for her brillant description of Caranthir she sent me long ago ; ) priceless...and at last he is written.
Beyond Redemption
The dark I am called, and verily so, as now it serves for face and mood...yet once I was light...once I would smile. That was when there was light.
Light of the Silmarils that would cause my father's eyes to shine in pride, and ours in wonder. The light of the trees that shone so strongly, that highlighted my beloved's hair and made it shine so. Now there is darkness with only a small glimpse of light – of hope – we know where a Silmaril is held. We shall take it and the dreaded oath shall be fulfilled.
Oh yes, I long for this to be over, I too regret speaking those hasty words. It may not seem so with my words always rash and angered. They do not fully understand me. I only use tones harsh in my desperation, my desperation for it to end, to be able to take my sword to evil instead of the innocent...or to put my sword to rest...even return to my wife...if she shall have me.
I battle now for the chance of release; either to gain the loved accursed jewel or to find welcome death. Again and again my sword cleaves an innocent caught up in the turmoil of our fell oath, again and again I am reminded of the first time...that was when she turned back, horrified [1]. I block the memories out. We will gain the jewel, we will gain the jewel. I silently repeat my mantra with every swing of my blade. The battle becomes hazy, all I hear are occasional screams, I look for one of my brothers, to gain some affirmation of what action to take...yet is there no planned course for murder?
I see Celegorm, my brother, the hunter now turning to human prey...something is wrong, he stands as one broken and then I realise. He is broken. As he falls heavily to his knees a noble woman comes forward and attempts to rush forward to her captive children.
I kill her.
I watch my brother's servants take her screaming children deep into the trees.
I do not watch the sword that is thrust into me.
My father long gone, my brother's mere hollow forms as I, and my wife a bitter memory. There is no one for me. Even she cannot forgive me, even they are too absorbed in gaining the jewel. There is no one to help me now as I am falling.
And for that I am glad.
"Beyond now - redemption,
No one's going to catch you when fall" –HIM
[1] Actually, we know only that the wives of Maglor, Caranthir and Curufin did not follow their husbands into exile. Curufin's wife is said to have remained with the people of Finarfin. (The Peoples of Middle-earth, 'Of Dwarves and Men' pp 317-8 pub Houghton Mifflin) – there is no reason why Caranthir's wife couldn't have at first began the march and turned back with Finarfin's host. That's my reasoning anyhow : )