Will's POV of the simulation
The simulation is like none I have ever felt before.
All I can think of is Christina, Christina, Christina, Abnegation. Abnegation is stopping Dauntless from it's full power and it has to be stopped. Like a puppet with tangled strings, I can feel myself being pulled out of my bed, the floor unsteady and shaky beneath my feet. My shoes are tied, my shirt is pulled over my head, and my view is changing.
We are traveling up flights of stairs, the other Dauntless initiates surrounding me, surrounding everyone. It's as if our footsteps spell the same words, our minds share our thoughts, our eyes have the same murderous glint in them.
But I'm not a murderer.
I don't know why I'm doing this, but I know it's important. In fact, I can't stop myself even if I want to. We enter a room with rows of long tables with dark shapes on them. Of course, I think, guns. Without me even having to control my hand, it already has something cold and smooth in it. When I waggle my finger, I can feel the familiar pressure of a trigger beneath it.
The sound of our march is almost deafening, but we keep on moving until we are on a narrow path that leads to a set of train tracks. A hand reaches out, and I grab it instinctively, pulling myself into the car. It fills up quickly, rows of Dauntless soldiers that are probably have the same blank expression that I'm sure I have. With a jolt, the train starts to move, the gentle hum of metal against metal fills the air.
My thoughts are fuzzier now, I can't see straight, and I'm confused. We're in the Abnegation building and everyone around me is Dauntless. What are we doing? Then, in the back of my mind, I remember. Ah, yes. Abnegation is bad. No. It's not. Yes, it is. Tris is...was Abnegation. And that's when something in me snaps. Anger as hot as white fire surges through my veins. Though my steps don't falter or fall out of pace with the others, I know where I'm headed and I won't fail.
It seems like hours until I reach a long hall, my footsteps echoing across the floor like gunshots. Then I realize they aren't my footsteps, it's Tris. I can see her firing at a group Dauntless soldiers that are pursuing her.
Her blond hair is matted with knots and blood, her face white with fear. However, there is something about the way she moves and the way her face tightens as she's shooting. She's not like me.
She's not under the simulation.
I'm not under the simulation, I tell myself, This is just how it's supposed to be. No Abnegation, power for Dauntless. But no matter how much I try to convince myself she's the bad one and I should be doing this, I can feel that she is not the enemy...I am. I run towards her, not entirely sure what I'm doing. That's when she notices me, but I'm already only yards behind her. Holding my gun up, aiming for her head and tell myself, this is how it's supposed to be. She mirrors my movements, her gun tight in her hands. I try to pull back, I want to, but every time I try to resist the simulation, my thoughts fall away like water.
This is not me.
Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. My thoughts seem to chant, egging me on. No matter how hard I try, I can't resist and I know that deep in my heart, it wasn't meant to be. The trigger is reassuring under my fingertips and a loud bang splits through the room and only then, I realize, it wasn't me who pulled the trigger.
I try to call out for Christina, but no sound comes from my mouth. In fact, my mouth is still shut, and all I can hear are the screams, the gunshots, the blood pumping in my chest. I want to live. I'm not smart, I'm not honest, selfless, or peaceful. I am brave and I am proud.
And then there is nothing.