Being in Love with an Asshole!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha and comp. in any way shape or form.
MY FIRST ONE SHOT! HOPE YOU ENJOY
The feelings threatened to overwhelm her as she sat in her favorite armchair, watching the rain dance in the stream of light of the street lamp right outside her window as her head leaned on the arm rest.
The pain taunted her, feeling as if it would rise up from the soles of her feet and pour out of the crown of her head.
Tears rolling down her face, the sign of the inner agony and turmoil that was roiling inside her like a pot of boiling water.
The sensation had remained even hours after her boyfriend had stomped out of their apartment that very morning, slamming the door hard enough to make her jump even as she begged him to stay while she sat on the bed crying, holding her assaulted throat.
'Why?' She thought to herself once more as she felt a flit of anger roll through her along with despair. The moment kept replaying in her head.
His angry accusing tone.
Her rushed and panicked words.
Him grabbing her and throwing her on the bed as he looked into her eyes coldly.
His own anger taking him to the point of wrapping his hands around her neck and squeezing until her sobs were choked off and she was coughing, gasping for air.
She wiped her face free of tears then gave her head a hard shake, trying to dislodge his demeaning words and accusations that haunted her even after he was gone.
After he had stormed out she had alternated between staring out the window, looking for him, and crying into her blue fleece blanket she had wrapped around her.
Sobbing with a feirceness that had scared her as her body shook uncontrollably, as if she were a slave of her own emotions. The pain racked through her soul and caused an ache to develope in her chest.
She had never been through anything like this in her life and was kind of in shock. She didn't know what to do.
She wanted to curse him. Yell out her anger and pain as spit flew from her mouth.
Telling him that he was wrong, that she wasn't the same liar she used to be.
But...the love inside her was still strong and she wanted him to see that was a better person now and that they could be happy if he would just trust her.
All she could do now was cry, still, hours after he had gone. She knew he cared about her too, but, love doesn't hurt you like that. Leave you broken and crying alone from the pain that their own hands caused to you.
'But then again...love doesn't do what I've done in the past.' she thought to herself as the memories of her past actions caused her to flinch and her eyes to water.
She knew she'd made mistakes in the past that caused him to be distrustful of her. That had brought them to this point, but as long as they had been together he should at least know that she'd made a change because she wanted them to work any and everything out and be together.
But he had made mistakes that played their part in their downfall too, this one, the biggest of them all.
Standing up she walked to her bathroom, turning the knobs on the sink until the water coming out was a comfortingly warm temperature.
Cupping her hands she collected a handful of water then splashed it onto her face, trying to ease the tight feeling in her head and eyes that came from hours of crying.
As she turned the water off she gazed into her hooded eyes in the mirror.
Shocked to see the bright red of blood in both eyes. More tears welled in her eyes as she realized the result of his anger: busted blood vessels.
Instantly she dropped her eyes from her reflection, feeling as if she couldn't even stand to look at herself as she grabbed a towel and burried her face in it.
The sound of her breathing in the deep soothing scent of the gain detergent that she had favored as of lately filled the quiet bathroom as she dried her face and kept breathing in deep smells of the flowery scent.
What was it?
Why did they argue like the did?
Was there a trigger, or was this a habit?
Why did it have to come to this point?
And what was she to do?
Tired of endless questions that seemed to have no answer in sight she dropped the towel to the floor, not even caring to place it on the counter as she walked back to her chair by the window and rewrapped herself in her blanket.
Deciding she would try to get her mind off of things she grabbed the remote and turned the tv on, trying to dispell the image of the downtrodden girl she saw in the mirror with blood surrounding the honey irisis of her eyes.
Her boyfriend always said they was his favorite thing about her and what made him notice her.
She could hear music far away-down on the street and out her window as a car creeped past her house blasting music.
Looking out the window she couldn't help but feel the bubble of hope rise in her that it would be her boyfriend returning home so they could talk everything out, but was disappointed as she saw it was a black camero that just kept riding by without stopping.
There was a tiny sound coming from her own tv and then a booming sound as it cut to commercial.
What she heard more clearly was a pounding in her temples, an oceanic roar in her ears.
Tense.
Tense.
Tense!
She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted to run around breaking shit and screaming as she punched holes in the wall and broke vases, destroy her room so it would look how she felt inside.
But all she could do was sit in her chair as changed the channel, not really paying attention as she slipped into a depression that she had tried to fight off by watching tv in the first place.
Reaching into the drawer of the table next to the armchair she pulled out her lighter, pack of cigaretters, and glass heart shaped ashtray that her boyfriend had gotten for in the first year of their relationship.
Hurridly grabbing a cigarette she lit it and took a slow deep drag as she closed her eyes and held the smoke in until her head felt light and she somehow felt more centered at the same time.
Then she let it out slowly. Watching the smoke curl and dance through the air as it spread through the room.
Somehow she felt disconnected with the world, as if she were outside her body and that this situation wasn't happening to her.
Only it was.
Everything that happened was real.
More like super-real, like a horrid nightmare that had somehow collided with the waking world and became cold and cruel reality.
She slumped against the opposite arm of the chair trying to get comfortable as she had settled on watching a reality television show.
What better way to forget about your own problems than watching a show about other peoples problems?
As the show went on it only succeeding in making her feel more out of place, disconnected and alone.
She couldn't laugh when the show had it's funny parts, just sit and watch the people interact in their own little reality television world.
She closed her eyes as she took another deep inhale from her cigarette, only to snap them back open when she saw the angry but cold eyes of her boyfriend over her as she felt the pantom feeling of his hands around her throat, causing her to choke on the smoke as she exhaled messily.
Stubbing out the cig angrily, as if it had caused her choking fit, she stood then laid out on the brown sofa to get more comfortable and a closer view of the tv.
She tried to not think about it, but her feeling were just swirling around inside her. Causing for her to feel stretched taunt like a rubberband and drained at the same time.
She loved this man, more than any man she had ever loved.
He had opened her heart when she closed it off to the world, locking it away forever.
Had found the key when she had thrown it off a cliff into a sea of bitterness and skepticism, intent on never giving love a true chance after she had been hurt to her core.
She couldn't imagine going through that again.
She felt in her heart that they were meant to be together, still did, which made this all the more confusing for her.
Fear gripped her heart as she thought of him leaving her, walking out of her life and leaving her alone.
Before they met she was ok with being alone, she had never known what true companionship and love felt like until him.
But she had hurt them, when she had treated him like all the others.
Expecting for him to tear her heart apart and pushing him away when all he wanted was for her to love him.
She felt scared that he was loosing feelings for her with after every single argument they had, when hers was growing stronger for him each and everyday.
With every touch and caress he gave her the love she felt inside for him grew.
Everytime he told her he loved her, even after all the hell she put him through, she felt comforted someone could love her unconditionally even with all her flaws and checkered past.
Still even as she felt hurt, confused, and misunderstood...the love for him outweighed it all.
She still wanted to feel his arms wrap around her, feel his kisses as he told her everything was going to be all right.
She didn't want him to pull away from her and shut her out. He was all she had...
Those were the feelings that were raging inside her like a storm as she fell into a deep sleep, tears rolling across her face and falling onto the couch pillow even in her sleep.
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
A knocking sound at the door awoke Kagome.
She surfaced from a groggy sleep to a room that was much too bright. She had fallen asleep on her living room couch, waiting for her boyfriend to come back home.
Her head was pounding, her eyes felt super dry, and her mouth felt as if she'd been chewing on socks all night.
She squinted as she stumbled off the couch, getting tangled in her warm blanket, "I'm coming, hold on!" she called hurriedly, knowing that it was her boyfriend. In his anger he had forgotten his key.
As she passed the mirror mounting on their wall towards the door she grimaced and pinned her eyes to the door in a hurry after she saw her bed hair and blood red eyes.
She looked like some type of demon.
A pitifully sad but yet scary demon with the blood swimming round in her eyes.
She licked her dry lips as she smoothed her hair with one hand and undid the locks with the other.
"Inuyasha...baby..." Kagome whispered as she took in Inuyasha's haggard appearance. He looked pretty worn down himself and she quickly opened the door for him to come inside.
It irked her how it was a bright and blue sunny day after all the rain from yesterday yet she still felt rainy on the inside.
"Kagome...I'm so sorry. Oh my god, look at you." he muttered regretfully when he took in her swollen and blood-shot eyes.
She shook her head, not knowing what to say as tears flooded her eyes once more. She was SICK of crying.
But that was all she could do as he took her face in his hands gently rubbing her cheeks with his thumbs then placed two gentle kisses on each of her eyelids.
That little show of affection broke the dam and the tears were back full force as long as the body shaking sobs.
She collapsed into him so hard his back hit the door and she buried her face in his sweater clad chest, unable to smell him due to the snot running from her nose.
"I hate that this happened baby and wish I could take it back." he spoke as he held her, rubbing her back as she continued to sob.
"I didn't k-knooow if you w-were coming baaaaack babyyy." Kagome sobbed out brokenly as Inuyasha shushed her and he shook his head.
"I shouldn't have, you didn't deserve that. I don't want to hurt you Kagome...I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me." he replied his voice filled with as much pain.
All she could do was nod as she sobbed, the one sentence was hard enough to get out and she didn't think she was even able to put a coherent sentence together.
"Shh, Shh..." he whispered as he lifted her chin to have her look him in the eyes and she saw the flicker of guilt that flashed across his eyes when she made eye contact, then determination as he pulled her in for gentle yet powerful kiss as he picked her up and made their way back towards the bedroom.
"Inuyasha..." Kagome hiccuped as she still sobbed when they broke away for breath as they passed through the doorway of their bedroom, glad that he still loved her and wanted her.
The confusion and hurt she felt earlier fading to be overcoming by Inuyasha menunstrations on her lips and then her neck as he laid her down gently on the bed then slid the tanktop that she was wearing off in one fluid motion then went back to kissing her chest and neck.
Kagome couldn't recall any man making her feel as good as Inuyasha did, now all she could do was cry because of how good she felt.
In despite of how she was hurting and depressed earlier she was right back on cloud nine, he did love her and he apologized.
Which Inuyasha NEVER does.
She sighed as he gave her earlobe a languid kiss then moved back down to her neck.
He always seemed to know what to do and what her body needed.
"Ahh!" she hissed in pain as she pulled her neck from his lips when he had sucked too hard on a particularly sore spot.
She saw him grit in his teeth as he nuzzeled the spot softly with his nose, the guilt rolling off of him in waves.
"I'm so sorry Kagome, I will never put my hands on you like that again. I'll have trust in us baby...ok?" he whispered the words she'd so longed to hear in between lanquid kisses to her lips.
He meant every single word, and even if she didn't believe him, he would go through hell and back to prove it to her.
Kagome nodded as she looked up at him, her vision of him blurred by the tears in her eyes as he removed the rest of her clothes, his hands finding their way to the place she wanted them most.
Her hips arched anxiously and desperately at his light teasing touch on her womanhood.
Usually he goes straight to what she likes to get her ready faster, but she noticed he was drawing this out long and slow, taking his time with her body.
Intent on making her feel pleasure that would outshine the pain that he had caused to her.
"Can you ever forgive me baby?" he whispered as he kissed his way up her stomach then to her chest, trying to make her feel his genuinity through his soft kisses.
Slowly he climbed his way up her body, kissing every inch of skin he could reach.
She opened her eyes, reaching up to cup his face as he kissed her neck as he positioned himself over her.
"Uh-huh." Kagome nodded as she squeaked, loosing all chain of thought as he rubbed his member over her slit then plunged inside at a pace so achingly slow that she was tempted to grab his hips and pull him within her so they could be one.
Like they should and always will be.
"I love you baby." Kagome moaned out as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him as close to her as he could get.
"And I love you Kagome." Inuyasha groaned out, his own tears beginning to fill his eyes as he glanced down at the wounded beauty below him.
He would never do anything to endanger them and knew that he had a lot of healing to do...
And he would enjoy every minute of it because he truly cared and does love Kagome.
THE END!
Authors Note: And that my friends, is being in love with an asshole. If you're in love with a jerk, dickhead, and/or asshole JOIN THE CLUB! lol.